So I have found out recently our place that I work at might be shutting down, I am trying a last ditch effort to have the owners let me run the kennel on my own if possible. It will not be easy, but I live on the property too so have to try everything.
But one of the girls I work with said she was going to tell the owner I was a huge risk. She can tell him many things and I have no problem with it and will explain anything he needs to ask me. But one thing is I love my dogs more than I care about myself and any one that knows me knows this about me. She always makes remarks about me or how I am and not good remarks, but I try to brush them off as best as possible. But then she mentioned the other day about telling the owners about how I killed one of my dogs and do not take care of them now. I take care of my dogs great by others that know me. And yes I did kill on of my dogs and it haunts me all the time. When I was in this paranoid schizophrenia and did not know I had it in my head these guys that hurt me killed that dog. And it was not that he was killed but poisoned. I spent almost a week with him in an emergency vet trying to make him better but it was to much for him. I sat there with him in my lap and swore I would kill the guys and get revenge on these guys for doing this to him. That was about 10 years ago, and only tell about 2 years ago did I find out I had this illness and it was me that did this. I face that anger on myself now all the time. But with the remarks made to me daily by my coworker and then if she tells the owner about this and it will not be in a kind way she tells him, That stabbing that she does to me on almost a daily basis, I am scared that will be it and my breaking point, and that dagger instead of hitting me in the side will be aimed at her. Hell like the voices say I have nothing to lose if I do this to her if she tells them this and makes it out of context. How do you know you can keep control over that little bit of devil in you and you will keep fighting and not let the voices convience you otherwise.
K9