Support in love life

Hello people!

I just joined support groups, in order to open up myself and to share my love story.
Three years ago I broke up with the girlfriend. Three months before we broke up, we were seeing psychologist, to resolve problems with our possessive parents, and we were good after few therapies. The thing about therapy is to work on yourself, and she didn't make it. She left therapy, she wasn't prepare (or capable) for growth. After a while I broke up with her because she couldn't follow up my changes and progression. Since than, I didn't had any relationship. Meanwhile, I have read many books, for love, self-help, visualization, prayer, writing.. but I haven't find any girl that I like. Especially after therapy, which last for a year and a half, every girl that I met was immature for me. It is like I stop concerning myself as I attractive men, and forgot about my qualities because of this.
Is there anyone who had the same past and now is doing great?

I would like to hear some support or supportive stories of yours..

Miki

Hi Miki, welcome to Support Groups and thank you for sharing your story. I can completely relate to your story in a somewhat parallel way but a bit different. My last real relationship was quite a while ago and I haven't found anyone who I connect with like I did with him. After dating numerous men who I really didn't connect with, I stopped really meeting anyone at all. And, this most definitely affected my self esteem. I couldn't understand why I wasn't attracting the right guy. Well, I started to really soul search, meditate and clear my mind and energy. I realized that I was in such a different place in my life since that last relationship and all of those men who I dated. I didn't and couldn't connect with any of them, because I was different, but yet I was trying to date men that would have worked with the old me. Once I realized that I was in this different place in my life, and that I also needed to attract different men, then I really started realize that I needed to energetically start attracting the right kind of man. So, no more player boys, but mature and serious men. I also started to try new event and venues where I knew I would meet these types of men. I am still on this path and working towards meeting the right person.

Know that you are such an amazing person and you will attract just that into your life. There is that right person for you...keep moving forward and putting out that energy. Wishing you all of the very best!

Thank you Puppydoglvr, this was very supportive!
I can share with you one affirmation that I have found few minutes ago.

My worth is stable and never in jeopardy(even if someone rejects me).

You are amazing, and you deserve that support and love from the person right next to you.

Miki

Hi Miki, thank you so much for sharing your wonderful affirmation, I will definitely implement that into my affirmations. I still wholeheartedly believe in affirmations and visualization, as it has worked for several of my friends. I know that you will manifest this amazing woman and she will fulfill you and make you so incredibly happy. I am praying for you and sending you lots of positive energy! I want all of us to have the beautiful fulfillment of love!

I am glad that you liked it :)

Absolutely! Please keep sharing and let me know how you are doing. I have 2 dates this week from online dating, so we shall see how it goes. I just started up again on Monday night....guess it's all about trying all avenues to find love.

This is truly wonderful, thanx! I would like to hear from you if something happens. Please let me know...

Thanks so much Miki! I will definitely keep you up-to-date. Feels so great to be on this same path with incredibly supportive people here like yourself.

Hey Miki,
It sounds like you could be just have come to a transition in your life and you are realising what you used to be attracted to, is not what you want anymore. Maybe -dare I say it- you want that non B.S. girl who just want to settle down and not party party party!

I know that feeling yet I still find myself still attracted to the same guys who are younger than me and quite frankly, kind of hot headed. - I think I have this uncontrollable desire to want to "calm" their souls...ha ha:)

I think you have to look at what you really want and go get her...because you have worked so hard on yourself to get here, you deserve to have a fulfilling life, with someone who adds to your life.

Best Wishes to you
Moongal x

Hey, Moongal!

I think you are right when you say that I waited so long, worked so hard, and just to keep on going, and the things will happen. And I am not going in some bad relationship because I am alone. You made me remember that I was working hard to get somewhere, and I wont let it go until it happens. So, than you for that!!

I had almost the same situation like you. I was trying to change my girlfriend into something that I was missing in my own childhood. And that was support, understanding, and a people around me who are willing to change and grow. The biggest treasure of that experience was that I realised that these things I have to give to myself instead of asking someone, especially when they are absolutely incapable to give what I need. Basically, I had some unfinished emotional needs with my mother, and I wasn't accepting her as she is, and I was asking for something that she isn't capable to give, probably because she didn't receive the same thing.
So, you have a need to change your dad, to make him calm and mature. Or maybe you denied any connection with him? If you have chance, a good relationship with you father and accepting him who he truly is can be very helpful. Getting over, or cry out what we didn't receive is helpful. After we let go the past, the better future can come.

Best wishes to you!!

Miki

Hey Miki,
Thanks for your response, as I was feeling particularly vulnerable tonight and it was just good to hear a positive spin.

See I don't know why I am attracted to hot headed guys, because my dad is relatively calm, never yells, if he in an arguement he'd more walk away than anything else. But he was very emotionally closed off to me. It's like I fight for his love...which can be hard. Your parents are supposed to love you no matter what. And I am on the relatively good side...not there there are"bad people" out there...but I don't do drugs, I don't have a criminal record, I'm not unwed with child (The Irish Catholic thing to disapprove of...lol) All in all he got a good group of girls.

I find it very hard to really accept that someone will love me, just for me and that I'm always playing a role of some sort or another, so much so that I don't recognise which role is me.

I guess when it comes to relationships, I am terrified to trust, I just can't get past that part and I hate that about me because I do want to trust someone and have a fulfilling life with them...but the idea of the guard being down, i don't know.

Anyway I am still working on believing in myself and accepting that people, even just my family do love me. And you're right I do have to let go of my past relationship, it really "broke" me.

Glad to hear you're doing well, keep coming back here for support.

Love to you
Moongal x

Hi Miki and Moongal, I really love your comments and exchange, because I am really learning so much from the two of you. Miki, keep working hard towards your goal of finding that right match. I know that you will find her and she will be the most amazing woman, who will give you so much love and joy. And, Moongal, please don't be so hard on yourself. You are such a loving, caring and compassionate person who deserves all of the love in the world and beyond. When the right man comes into your life, you will let your walls down and let him in. And, he will be so worthy of your love.

Wishing you both all of the very best and sending tons of positive loving thoughts your way!

Moongalx, I am glad to hear you back, really. And Puppydoglvr, I hope you will enjoy in this text. I am also glad that you can understand what I am saying, regarding the fact that my English is not perfect, but I am working on it.

The relationship with yourself, is exact the same as your parents had with you when you were child. You can notice that with your inner voices, e.g. stand up straight, you are bad girl/boy, don't yell, don't put yourself on the first place... and other things that make you worthless. Wouldn't be nice if we can think in another way about ourselves, even if we messed up or something bad happend to us? Try this!
1. Check if you are alone :)
2. Go to the mirror
3. Look at in your eyes
4. Say: I LOVE YOU as many times possible
For someone is very hard to do this. Someone reject to say something like this, because they didn't receive love and caring, or they judge themselves to be out of love, because they are not 'good enough'. Who told us that we are not good enough? Probably parents. Is that true? Are they right or they are not capable for love? It would be nice if they love us unconditionally, but do they have to? I think no, it is their choice. But, we have to love ourselves in order to receive what we didn't get and change the emotional state that we are running for years. So, it would be nice if you say to yourself, I FORGIVE YOU, THANK YOU, and any positive confirmation about yourself, anything that you can remember, and I know you have it a lot!! Develop that part of you who is lovable and gentile to you. Say to yourself: you deserve love, truly, I mean it! Repeat it 10 times. Receive unconditional love that you deserve and after a while you will be able to enjoy giving in the most beautiful thing that someone can give, the love.

Enjoy!

Miki, your English is fantastic. I understand everything that you communicate to us here. Your sentiments in your last comment are absolutely brilliant. Thank you so much for sharing and I will most definitely put it to use immediately. Your wise and insightful words and guidance and priceless, I am grateful for you and all that you share. Wishing you all of the very best and sending you tons of positive energy.

Thank you Puppydoglvr! I am really glad that you liked it!!!
But wait until you see the results from that workout. And than thank to yourself, again :), for that love that you receive. Since you are here, you are wonderful, you support people and yourself, just keep on doing it, and you have a right to feel good about yourself..

Pup, Moon, Miki, awesome work, these are the things we've (Pup & Moon) discussed on other sites, past history, genetic links, the way one is raised, hope more read the posts & learn.

April (mom)

Thank you so much April and Miki for your wonderful sentiments. I really truly appreciate it so very much. And, this is what makes being a part of this Site so special and meaningful.

Thanks April!

I have something to share with you, and might be very useful for all. As I wrote before, I didn't had any love relationship since I broke up with the girlfriend 3 years ago, and stopped seeing her in every way. Few days ago my friend told me that he saw her and that she changed working place, and told me where. I didn't went seeing her there but I was curious, and I had secret wish just to see her and to see if I was really got over her or not. Than I start thinking what is happening, and how come that I wave that thoughts. The thing is that I don't have a need for her, it is just me. I have a need for me, being happy and in relationship, secure and safe. Some psychologist says that when someone dies people are crying because they are loosing the part of themselves not because of the person that had died. It is similar with my ex relationship. I didn't cry out myself. Since I am a male, it is hard for me to connect with my emotions, and suffer these things a little longer. I had this situation before. I broke up with one girl, after 5 years I had great wish to reconnect together, than she rejected me, I was suffering few weeks, and than I let go that part of me, and new energy came and than I fell in love, with whole hart of mine...

Hi Guys,

I enjoy reading what you guys wrote and Miki thank you for starting this off.

Pretty much i am in the same boat as you. And the thought that i am not alone in this, warms my heart. I am 28 and I have been in abusive relationships all my life. I started therapy since I was 19 and it was on and off. I have always known the material at an intellectual level but recently, I was blessed with a lesson from the heart. I guess it came to a point where I was tired of mere surviving. I wanted to live you know. After intense soul searching and great help from my therapist, i began to learn how to deal with my emotions and not run away from it like I used to as a child. what helped me then does not help me now as an adult. Its scary here and I have never been here before. i have always run to another man and somehow the relationship turns abusive. It was the only thing I knew back then and that was home to me. I understood why I did that and with that insight in mind, I am in the process of change.

Its painful and lonely where I am. I have good days and bad days. There are days when the loneliness is so intense that it was so tempting to pick up the phone and call a guy for comfort. And when that thought happened, i could not bear to throw away all these months of hard work and give it all up. I decided to stay with that feeling of loneliness.

I am better now in a lot of ways. I am 93 days sober- without a man that is and its an achievement for me you have no idea. I started running marathons again, i spend a lot of time with myself and I learnt that in my moment of despair and loneliness, I learned a lot about myself. I learn what makes me happy and what makes me cry. I never knew this before. It was always about the guys I was going out with. I forgot to take care of myself.

I am in a different place now and i do admit that there are days when i fear that I will never find the right person for me and even if I do, i have this fear that it will all happen again. The next one is my first attempt in a healthy relationship. My first ever. I am scared and its so easy to keep on saying that i am not ready. Whenever i meet the type of men that i used to like, it feels so comfortable you know. really cosy but I know cosy is not good for me. Its confusing for me. I dont know what is good for me. Cause when the real good ones come, its not a good fit. I guess thats what change is all about.

I dont know whether i will meet someone in my life but that does not matter at the moment. there is so much about me that i am learning and I am not that bad a company to myself. i am sure the rest will work for itself. Its easier to just let go and let it happen when its meant to happen.

Thanks Miki and the rest of you. I truly enjoy being here. Lots of love... Bruised But Not Broken....

Thanks Miki for sharing w/us & all of you have come along way, keep going. I for one find wonderful/good things around me daily, free everyday things, a breeze, certain smells in the air, they way clouds form, the way my 18 yr. old is sucking down meatloaf right now =D.

I also sense that some people over think things too much
my 18 & 26 year olds boys do this sometimes & wind up chasing their tail/mind & being too philosophical or reading too much into things instead of enjoying the ride/experience good, bad or indifferent, then out of nowhere......life is wonderful.