Suspended from my job

i have been at my job for 8 years. i was suspended by a manager who developed a crazy vendetta against me about 2 years ago and has been writing me up ever since in an effort to ultimately get me fired.

in june i made a date to grieve one of her write ups from the year before and one week later, she suspended me on a bunch of bogus bull. i have been home since june, the beginning of june, going nuts, out of my mind.

i am on a paid suspension, thank god, for now, only. my union is fighting for my job, or going the process of advocating for my return to work and there is no telling if they will be successful. management can fire me even if the panel decides i have done no wrong doing.

there is no work at all out there. i went on one single interview and was rejected. most places don't even call me back or acknowledge receipt of my application. things are very very bad, as you all know. i have only gone on one interview and i have sent out tons of applications.

i have a good skill, but so many people went back to school for what i do, now the market is saturated and i can't compete. my reputation is also killed over this suspension. people just need to hear about it and i won't be able to compete for a job. and most of the jobs are per diem because of the market saturation now. no benefits

i am going nuts. i have not told many family members because i don't want them to worry about me. my friends tell me all will be well again, but that is just because they don't know how bad it is out there because it is not happening to them.

i am going crazy and need to interact with people who can relate to this experience.

i am trying to rent a room in my home, but the one person i thought might work out did not even show up for the meeting. i only want to live with another woman, i am almost 50 so i want someone around my age. it is hard to find someone like that.

i am blessed to have another job, but it is only 2 days a week, and i am only paid piecemeal and i have no benefits and if they found someone to work for 10 cents less i'd be out of there in a minute.

i am praying so hard, and i am an agnostic. but i don't know what else to do.

my coworkers tell me not to worry because they are all going to bat for me and testify on my behalf, but that does not mean **** if the manager doesn't like you. no one else i work with understands that the manager does not like me. unbelievable. how do you miss something like this.

i need to talk to people who can related. i need some interaction. i am going crazy. i can't eat or sleep or think. i have lost 25lbs since JUNE. i am going crazy

Your not going crazy honey your just being human, I too am scared & when we're scared it creates more problems in our mind then just focusing on what we need to do. I have a 4/2 home & am still not sure if I can rent out rooms & gee wiz, even babysitting jobs are taken, am concerned but not defeated & neither are you & there can be a solution when all of us ban together. Lets keep talking w/eachother & all here cause something good will come out of this. I'll be thinking of you.

Take care of you.

April

I can definitely relate to your plight, my friend. I too was fired unfairly by a new manager after a brief suspension. I am a pharmacist with 2 young children living at home and my wife passed at age 37 4 years ago. I never dreamed I would be in this position at this stage of my life. You are right about the terrible economy. I have sent out hundreds of emails, resumes, apps and have had only 1 interview. The roughest part is getting up in the morning. I pray also and I'm a christian but I still battle discouragement and depression which I find it increasingly harder to hide. Today my daughter lovingly said that all things happen for a reason and I wish I could hear that from God. Like you this would be hard but easier to take if the loss of employment happened through a downsizing or even for misconduct, but being unfairly dispossessed of ones livelihood is serious business. I hope and pray that you somehow keep your job but the suspension doesn't sound good.

Take care,

Tim

wow, tim you are like a voice out of the darkness. just to have someone that i can relate to. i can't believe a pharmacist is having trouble getting a job. did your last manager destroy your reputation with the suspension and firing? and isn't it odd the trajectory of someone in a position of authority not liking you enough to destroy your livelihood and possibly future.

2 years ago i spoke with a hint of frustration in my voice towards her in front of another subordinate. you'da thought an apology would've been enough, 2 years of apologies actually. she seemed to calm down last winter, but she had written me up so many countless times. i was in a union and it was my due process to grieve a write up she did last year in august. once i had a date for the grievance, the old burning vendetta from 2 years ago was rekindled, hot as ever, and she is out for my blood.

it is a bizarre trajectory of unfortunate circumstances, and i think wrong. i am in medical too. i mean she hated me enough to want to take my livelihood away from me. really? just because i asked for a 3rd step in grievance (do you know what i mean). the worst that would have happened to her would've been someone disagreeing with her maybe. for me it is my future, my house, my health insurance, my bread. really? hate that hard because someone MIGHT disagree with her? wow. am i naive. and all of a sudden my 3rd step turned into a termination hearing. and even if the reveiw group finds me innocent of all wrongdoing, i can still be fired by management, just cuz they want to.

wow. every morning when i wake up i feel like i'm waking into a nightmare. every morning. i get okayer in waves as the day progresses. and i have a little side job with no benefits that keeps me occupied 2 days a week. this time of year going to a nearby beach with a beer and the traquilizers my doctor gave me takes care of me for a bit too.

wow the crazy feeling. i have been rejected for another job and i wonder if it is because they heard i was suspended. that is all it takes. they won't listen to your references or anything. all they need to hear is that a mangager didn't like you and it does not matter how stupid or unfair it was. it does not matter.

i am so fearful. it is so terrible.

i can't believe you are having trouble finding work. that is just amazing to me.

how long have you been a pharmacist? i have a good skill myself. it would be a terrible waste for me to not be appreciated for it. right now i am praying i get my job back. praying so hard. i have an excellent case, and all my coworkers are advocating for me, but that doesn't mean **** if she won't let me back.

how old are your children. one of my coworkers told me that the other day 'everything happens for a reason', but i just don't subscribe to that philosophy because it just isn't me and it just is not particularly rational in my opinion. a few years ago my best friend died in a car crash and a mutual friend of ours told me that everything happens for a reason and it really upset me that our friend's death could be percieved as happening for a reason. i believe in the chaos of the universe which is the antithesis of happening for a reason crap.

were you in a union? what body during the suspension evaluated your case? were you at a hospital.

tell me your story. are you considering a lawyer? these laws vary enourmously from state to state. which state are you in? i am in mass, which i have been told has labor laws which are favorable to workers. but course, the burden of proof is all on you and wow it is so expensive and stressful, i could easily die in the process. i dread moving if i get a job far away. i would leave friends, family, my home, my pets and everything familiar. terrible.

i might be better off just trying to live on my piecemeal job, get a roommate, hope they give me another day, find some massachusetts health insurance i can afford based on earnings and pray to get my job back in a 4th step. (yes, i can go another step with my union, but i will be fired then and not have income or benefits and etc. course, IF i win, i will get all my back pay. the trick is not having any medical problems until then. and i am having a needle aspiration of something in my breast tomorrow. wow. crazy like there is some wtf vibe that just got pulled and everything is happening at once.

i am deeply sorry to learn of your wife's death by the way. it i horribly tragic. what in god's name did she die of at 37 if you don't mind me asking? how old are your children? do you have family nearby? when did this horrible disaster happen to you? my father lives in europe. he owes me 10K. i have not told him what has happened cuz he'd suffer too much anxiety for me. he usually visits me in february and i am hoping this all gets sorted out in every way by then.

god help me. god help us all tim. i am praying for you hard when i go to the beach and all the time. you are so brave.

thank you for answering my scream for relating. peace be with you even if it is for some of the day. yeah, i know what you mean. the morning. mornings are the worse. just waking up is the worst. i can't believe she could do this to me after working with me for 4 years. like how do you even hate someone so much i don't understand.

do you know the moment your manager turned on you? what was it about? if you ever need to talk, i have free minutes on weekends. i believe it would be beneficial to share each other's experience, strength and hope, like they say.

do you realize we could save each other a fortune in therapy bills if you tried it with me. the doors open for you.

Yes it is a bizarre trajectory of unfortunate circumstances. That is how I describe my situation to a tee. The supervisor who hired me gave me good reviews and I was supported by his boss. They were both replaced but not before I had went over my new supervisors head to be placed in a position I believe against her will. I know against her will. So when her new boss came on board I was targeted from that moment on and had no support to defend me. I should have seen it coming and got away but I had never experienced this before and hind sight is 20/20. I worked for an at will employer and had no recourse like you seem to have through your grievance process.
I am drawing unemployment which is only a fraction of what I MADE. I have been an rph for almost 20 years. I have 3 things working against me. The termination, my age , and I have some bad things on my record, although they are quite old now. Really 4 things including the slumping economy so I have my work cut out to say the least. Like you I cant imagine firing a single parent with children at home, in fact I have never fired anyone even when I had a legitimate reason to do it. I have no health insurance either. I don't take any meds or drink socially , I pray a lot and I am starting to reach out more for support because by nature I turn inward and try to isolate, this is also very humiliating. Surprisingly I haven't had a lot of anger but it must be there somewhere.
My daughter is 12 and my son is 16. I too am faced with the prospect of relocating and even that is bleak right now, especially with the baggage I am toting.
I get better in waves as well but the relief is usually short lived. This seems like a soul/spirit sickness to me. I could deal with a cancer diagnosis easier I believe. Scripture says a sick body the spirit can bear but who can handle a sick spirit. My job understandably was so much of my self-esteem and hope. I just try to put it all in perspective as I must stay strong for my children now.
Yes , God help us all. I know there is a god and he has helped me in so many ways, I just wish I could trust him totally with this.

tim, my heart and thoughts are with you. i understand about what you mean by feeling humiliated and losing self esteem. ultimately i will be worried about eating however. i am shocked you are having trouble getting work.

i'm and echo tech, that is an ultrasound tech who specializes in hearts. it is a good skill, but it is easy to pick up with a little school, and that is what the masses of unemployed people have done, go back to school for a quicky technical skill and now the market is saturated. plus my reputation has been destroyed in this process. i try to be thankful everyday i stay in my wonderful home and eat wonderful food right from a nearby organic farm and swim in my natural swimming hole just a few miles away on a hot day and read along the riverbank, but to think it will all be taken away that i am standing on shaky ground, that my future is so uncertain.

i need to try to stay sober for this thing cuz like my dad always says 'mens sana in corpore sano' (sound body, sound mind, my father likes latin). i just prayed very hard for you. i can't believe someone with your knowledge is unemployed. it is just staggering. if i start working again, i am going to try to get active in changing this economy. right now i am just trying to get through my day without climbing the walls. my doctor gave me clozopin (sp?) and an anti anxiety medication. i don't need it if i sleep late or if is the weekend (cuz i can't get fired then) but during the week i go crazy without it. do you think it is dangerous for me to take it? or should i not be asking you this. my doctor gives it to me cuz i demand it.

is suppose you have no ability to take legal action only because you were an 'at will' employee. and i guess that means you were in no union. are pharmacists ever in unions. i did an echo on one once who worked for walmart and she told me all the pharmacists were managers.

i had one coworker i hated. all of my other coworkers hated him too. i used to wish very hard that he would get fired. i think this is my bad karma for wishing him ill. i mean the guy once called me a monkey, it was like that. i realize i must let go of my bad feelings. oh yes, and he is the one who is getting me fired. he says i yelled at him. i did not. there was a witness in the room who says i did not yell at him, she is the lead tech and very much my friend. it is all so complicated. the union and labor relations have already interviewed her, but there is another witness who was down the hall, far away, in another department, who i don't even know, who according to management said she THINKS she MIGHT have heard me raising my voice. and that is their case. course my manager was angry about something else and has wanted to get rid of me a long time, so she luckily dug this up somehow, because they guy i hate went to her and complained i raised my voice at him. and what irony. i can't tell you how many times he has raised his voice at me, and all his other coworkers. they are all testifying on my behalf that i am a mild mannered respectful person, and that he is not, that he has a history of beligerance and harrassment towards not just me but everyone else he shares work load with.

but the manager likes him for some unfathomable reason. and she does not like me, so off i go on suspension and waiting for the ax to fall. the union and labor relations is interviewing witnesses and coworkers and they are hearing EVERYTHING. all shall be reveiled. and they have my write ups too, and right there in black and white, when you see the stuff she wrote me up for, you can hear the vendentta in enough of it to get the picture. tim, i have a good case, but will they let me come back. i don't know.

you see, 4 years ago i was suspended. a sales rep deliberately delivered an electric shock to me, one of those gag pens, and i was in a bad mood or something and swore my brains out at her. then i got angry at my manager cuz she didn't do anything about it. and i was suspended. and now, with a different manager, she decided she did not like me over something stupid, and my history is being EXPLOITED to exercize her ding dong vendetta. i tell my union rep to use that word, exploited. but, boy am i shaking in my boots.

and again they can fire me even if the panel suggests i not be fired. so who knows. i mean my manager will be pissed as **** if i don't get fired cause i just stayed home almost all summer long PAID and her being pissed at me will just keep my head poised on the chopping block until SOMETHING else happens.

well i must go and get my needle aspiration and i sure hope that is okay.

may god bless you for even listening to me. you are in such straights. i am praying for you tim and your family. i am in enourmous danger. i will lose everything including my ability to compete for a job. i am terrified. i am praying you get that job now. i am praying

Ejovan, I am sitting here now and was told yesterday I would get a call for a phone interview and I am beginning to think it wont happen. When will your review end, that entire specter is sickening to me. My sup created a snitching type of work environment where you didn't know who you could trust. The bottom line is I am unemployed and I have to get over the blaming and move on. I need to try to get a face to face meeting because I can't compete well on paper. Most perspective employers want a current reference which makes it tough. I would even work for no pay now part time just to have a current reference of some kind. Thanks for the prayer and I will keep you in mine. Check your messages.

Tim

tell me i am crazy…i don’t bellieve in tarot cards at all, but i have a deck someone gave me as a gift many years ago and read them for friends who are dating and etc as a parlor trick or something. and it is fun cuz it gets you talking about lots of stuff and also entertaining. just like a game.

but since my suspension, i flip them over maniacally. all the time, asking if i will get fired or go back to work. course it is all a mixed bag of results with those stupid cards. but if you turn cards enough you’ll get bad ones too. acccording to my tarot cards i will get fired. it is flipping me out.

tell me i am crazy to let this drive me crazy, flipping tarot cards and the like and to be so crushed over a bad reading. i feel crazy.

how is your job hunting going? about a year ago i asked a place to take me as a volunteer to tech me pediatric echocardiography. they rejected me, as a volunteer. i think they heard gossip about me over that electric shock thing and my suspension then. i mean even pediatric doctors are gossiping about me or someone. i am losing my mind. i am a nice person. all my coworkers like me. that my manager did not like me was ding dong. once i spoke with frustration at my voice towards her, how stupid to have a vendentta over that. if i had a vendetta every time someone had gotten frustrated with me i’d be just a ball of rage.

i pray you get this job. i don't know what to do but pray. i don't know how long this will take. witnesses are being interviewed and because it is summertime, someone is almost always on vacation. by the end of aug this ought to be figured out. if i get the ax it will be fast, but if i get to go back, another panel of people decide how that will happen. last i talked to my union rep, she said they might try to deal with write ups that reflect a vendetta-like tenor, because the hospital is always worried about prospective law suits to.

it will be soon. i will be climbing the walls until then. i am praying for your new job and praying for all of us, unemployed, sick in body or mind, elena

i hope your spirits are okay. it is hard. my union rep just got back from vacation today. today they start making more interviews with witnesses and various character references, people who will testify on my behalf as to what life is like in our corner of the hosptial.

it is in my favor, my character references, but this other witness down the hall, that i am on the edge of my seat for. everyone tells me i won't get fired. but wtf do they know. i keep praying not only that i keep my job, but that if i get fired i am strong enough to build a new life for myself somehow, be willing to relocate if necessary. let go of everything i have which breaks my heart of course.

at least be able to plan my next step. if i can keep my head enough to plan my next step, i will consider myself dealing with it. thankfully i still have one job left. if i get a roommate i can live on it if i am very very frugal. i live in a two family and my tenants pay my mortgage, but my house is over 100 years old and always has expensive needs.

last night i dreamed i woke up and the kitchen ceiling had fallen. in my dream i was already fired and i couldn't figure out how i could fix my place.

how are you? i can't tell you what it has meant to talk to you. i feel so lucky you would listen to me. my prayers are with you.

my union rep just got back from vacation. i could know about the ax falling as soon as next week. i must try to breathe. i must try. even for a day, a day like today, a beautiful day that i am not suffering from destitution yet. i am not hungry for food. i am not cold. i do not have to eat my animals for to survive. i must be positive. i am a good employee and a good person and good at what i do. i am a kind and cooperative person. i know that. i must breathe. my union rep says there is no telling anything yet. she says i could keep my job, but makes no promises. i am in terrible danger but there is some hope. i am praying so hard. god help me. god help us all. i want us all to go back to work. i want to see socialized medicine in this country. i want everyone to have the dignity of a job and if not, to have dignity in life and be supported by their fellow man, because destitution could happen to any of us and we must be all for one and one for all. i can't help feeling this way. it was always in me and will never change. god help me survive well. god help me not have to relocate for work. god help me get work no matter what. god help us all.

I made myself get up and walk/run this morning. All this stress and not working has zapped me of a lot of energy. School is tarting back and that is stressful. Someone who said they would call me back about a job app didn't and I even left a voice mail asking for a call back either way. I don't care if they say I'M ****** I just want the respect of a reply. Once they recognize your phone number on the caller id they just don't pick-up. I know that's the case because I have called on another phone and they picked up immediately. I have fluctuated between anger and despair recently just wanting to scream or punch a hole in the wall. I too deal with the thought of relocating. I have to have a license in any state I might apply and that is an expensive and lengthy process. I am currently trying to reciprocate my license to Alabama where I have a friend so hopefully I will hear from that soon. Mine is more complicated because of the board issues I have which are rather old thankfully. I never thought I would have to feel as if I was on trial again as a criminal. This termination really screwed me terribly.
I am trying my best to turn this over to God. Iwish I had some more faith. I am a christian and couldn't begin to express the time and tears I've spent in prayer. Hugs from my daughter help me so much and my son is a wonderful straight A student. Thanks again for your prayers and may God help us through this and bless us all. Praise be to God.

dear tim, i am happy for you energy and of course saddened by your suffering. it is not fair someone as self-reflective, knowledgeable and spiritual as you has to suffer this much. i know there will be a light at the end of this shit-assed tunnel. tell me everything. i am here, everyday, to share experience strength and hope as well as weakness and despair when need be, because those things happen too.

no one calls me back. i am sending applications on line. it hurts so much to have a soiled reputation when i am so on board to do a great fantastic job and i have crazy good references, but not from my last manager.

i have a friend who is an RN in chicago. i told her about my problem a few years ago when it began, and she told me, ‘shit, this happens all the time, what is the big deal.’ but when it happens to a RN, the RN just gets relocated often within the hospital to a new manager, but when it happens to a tech, your career seems to be ruined because you are an underling. i thought the same went for pharmacists as for RNs and MDs. i thought this whole destruction of reputation was for the underlings, not RNs or rph.

i know you will be hired again soon. we need you too much. you are not a dime a dozen, like me and many others in this economy, not to trivialize your plight, not one bit, just i believe. how long have you been on unemployement? how much time do you have left. do you have a home. is it all up to you to pay the mortgage? do you have extra help from any place.

i am trying to rent a room in my home. not so easy.

today i climbed up mt tom, a local mountain. i am drinking a beer now because i can’t handle the pressure, just one and then i will go to the beach and read. just relax. why not? i can be a livewire some other time. i applied for a couple of jobs online today, half heartedly, not expecting much, like i ‘did it’ or something. who knows. every rejection or dead silence freezes me like a deer in the headlights. Man, you gotta be tough for this stuff.

i will spend the rest of the day reading and in prayer at the beach. why not. if you send me your personal email, i will send you a picture of where i swim. it is beautiful, along a river bank, rock formations and a sandy shore, covered in pines, a fire pit and soft cataracts up and downstream the the pool. it looks so pretty.

i am praying for you tim. i am praying for me, of course. i am praying for us all. victims of vindictive managers, victims of the economy, victims of the corruption of power, victims. all of us.

Hey, I too have a criminal record from 1993 as I was addicted to opiates and started diverting from the workplace. My license was suspended for 6 weeks and reinstated on probation. The problem was from 1991-1992. But I had worked for the post office in 1985 and had problems from drugs then but never sought treatment. I was able to work steadily though and my employers were supportive. I even managed to get hired with new employers, that is how critical having current employment is.So now you can see how this termination has really impacted me. I think I might have about 20 weeks uemp left max and I still owe about 3.5 years on my mortgage. I have a modest savings and get a little ssi for my kids. I live in VA btw. I just hope I can find someone who is sympathetic to my case and values some experience. Every app you fill out has the big f question. My phone is 757-897-3232 and email for now is [email protected] I am going to go play a little tennis with my daughter. u can call or text and we can talk.

i didn't look at my email until too late. i will contact you soon. i will talk to you soon. i feel like i can relate to you and i am craving this right now. i did not look at my email again until it was too late.

ejovan

Please stay possitive being unemployed or not knowing what comes next is hard and at times frustrating but pray I know how that is. I was in a bad car accident in may 09 and was unable to return to work do to medical reasons and i was termanitated.

Is that crazy or what well I have not been released to go back to work and it's driving me crazy my prayers go out to you.

Be strong I will say a little prayer for you

XOXO

ANA

PS* IF YOU NEED TO TALK I AM HERE FOR YOU!!

dear ana,

thank you so much for your response to my post. i did not see it sooner.

how frightening that you were in a car accident. how were you injured?

i will pray for you ana, to get well soon, to work at a job you love soon, for all you wishes to come true.

they terminated you after you medical leave time ran out, right. because i think it is about 3 months.

what needs to happen for you to be released to go back to work…what sort of improvement do you have to make?

tell me what happened in the car accident.

i will pray ana, that you get will and get the job you want.

and thank you for saying you that you are there for me. no friends or family have been emailing me lately cuz they can’t deal with my stress. some family member i have not told this too because i don’t want them to worry about me.

i thank god everyday i found this web site. you are so nice to respond to my posting.

Hi Ejovan, thank you so much for being here and sharing your story. I was once laid off and it seemed like the end of the world to me at the time. I worked endless hours and sacrificed everything [including a solid relationship] for that job. I created close friendships at this company, and it was one of my close friends who took me to a cafe and pushed a piece of paper across a table letting me know that my job was cut. I was told that I needed to go to my desk, clean it out and I was walked out by security. It was humiliating. I felt like a criminal. I was tossed out like yesterday's trash for everything that I had done for this company. They needed to fix their bottom line and I would help them do that. I wandered around the city endlessly feeling like my world had come crashing down.

My mother told me "it takes one phone call to change your life". And she also told me that "when one door closes, another always opens". She was right. After months of interviewing, I actually landed a better job in a new city where my life completely changed for the positive. I met so many new friends and experienced an entirely new world. Looking back now, I thank that company for laying me off because if it wasn't for that moment, then my life would be very different. It made me stronger and I realized my passion and pursued it from that point on.

Try to take this time and know that there is a massive world out there full of incredible opportunities. Have you ever considered another field? Have you ever pursued your passion? Even if you have to start at a lower level in your area of interest, it could be worth it for the long-run. Talk to your network of contacts; family, friends, acquaintances and let everyone know that you are looking....you never ever know what can come from it. I have a feeling that you have something so amazing awaiting you...it's up to you to walk through that next door.

thank you so much for your wonderful response and positive vibes. it was great. but i am not being laid off. my manager is very deliberately destroying my career and reputation with a ding dong vendetta and hatefully firing me over trumped up charges.

i am unable to get work in my area. i love my home and where i live. i am not young and do not want to move, but i will have to leave friends, family, my pets, my home and all that is familiar to me to get work...if i am lucky. it's a small world and when you are terminated, getting that next job is all harder, especially in a tough job market like now.

i am very afraid of losing all i have. i will move if i have to. i need work. things could be worse. i have not been fired yet. i will find out tomorrow.

my pay and benefits are fantastic. i live in massachusettes which is a great state to be an employee in. my union is going through the process of evaluating my case, but even if they determine i did no wrong doing, my manager can still fire me.

i am praying to return to my job and practicing what abe lincoln talked about 'the best way to destroy your enemies is to make them your friend'. but it seems anything can set her off against me.

i need this job. it is not her hosptial and she is not the queen of the world. we shall see tomorrow. i have been suspended since the beginning of june (paid). my summer was ruined and i'm half out of my mind with anxiety, but i will do my best to turn things around with my manager.

my future is in terrible jeopardy. i don't want to change careers. i like what i do. i like my schedule. i am very bless just as i am. there is nothing better out there believe me, i know, i have been looking for work since june and i have found zippo.

good news is i have a side job, which i always only thought of as side money and so it will be switch trying to live off of it, which i have no idea if i can do yet.

but hopefully everything will work my way. god will let me keep my job and he will protect me from my enemies and let my heart be filled with love not bitterness and hatred after this terrible experience. i pray for safety, happiness and that my bitterness evaporates once this ordeal is over, no matter what.

i will leave the option of suing them open too. but that stress might kill me too.

but again, thank you for your kind words and encouragement and who know, you might be right in my case too, but i don't think so.

i wish i had your positive outlook. and somedays i do if i take enough pills and alcohol.

bless your kind words.

Hi Ejovan, thanks so much for sharing the additional information which really helped me understand more about your situation. I understood that you were not being laid off or fired, but I did want to share my experience, because at times we can feel like our world is crashing down on us when it indeed is only working to improve itself. You never know, maybe this suspension will open the eyes of your boss's superiors and she'll be reprimanded. I believe strongly in karma; for every action there truly is an equal reaction.

I know that this will all be resolved for you. I can only imagine the stress that you have endured, but try to lessen your stress and anxiety by doing good positive things for yourself. Keep saying "I will be back at this job that I love, I will be back at this job that I love, this job is mine...." or something to that effect. Picture yourself there, picture yourself in total peace and happiness there. Also, try taking deep breaths when anxiety hits hard; deep in through your nose, hold for a moment, and exhale slowly....repeat until you have noticed your anxiety melt away. Also, surround yourself by good positive and happy people, watch comedies...this is a time where you need uplift.

I am praying for you, I know that you will get the results that you want. Please keep us up-to-date and let us know how you are doing.