It's 7:30 and normally I'd be hoping in the shower for work but I decided to take a mental health personal day. I didn't sleep a wink last night. Seemed like everything and anything that's causing me stress/heartache crept up on me and flooded my mind. Started rethinking about a few weeks ago when I got my *** kicked, of course thought/cried about my dog being sick, losing someone special to me was weighing on me especially since I'm fairly certain I've lost her for good, and last but not least I got to thinking about the new program I'm starting Monday. Is this a normal thought...? I haven't had one drink since Saturday night (which was my last binge episode full of lash outs), well I bowl tonight which is usually a given to me a drinking night for me. Plus I have the weekend coming up. I'm sure I already know the obvious answer to this but I suppose the addict in me feels the need to ask anyway. Since Monday is "the day" to buckle down and begin a healthy new chapter in my life would I totally be a fool if I just partied like a rock star between now and then? Logicially I know the answer but I guess I'm throwing this out there to hopefully get some feedback that will remind me how stupid of a question that is to even ask. I guess you could equate that question to someone on a diet. I'm sure we've all been there where we say "starting Monday I'm going to eat healthy and start exercising but til then I'm eating everything and anything I want". That's the best way I can explain it. Someone/anyone please give me the obvious answer deep down I already know myself!
NO! d gf, would not be wise b/c u no with everything going on with the out come would not be good. for me its life and death each to drink chooses death, choose to not drink chooses life. this is very serious, alcoholism is a deadly disease....,oh i can have just one, oh i'm going to treatment in a few days yeah party till then...,NOT! remember cunning, baffling and powerful this disease is. is it wise at this time to bowl this evening so early in this stage of recovery? make other plans also for your weekend. go to lots of meetings? like them or not you'll be with people trying to stay sober......question possed to me by my sponsor....are you willing to go to any lenght?`
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! A million times THANK YOU! Thats exactly the response I needed. As a matter of fact I think I might print your reply and keep it in my pocket all weekend. You are so right! With all that I have weighing on me right now if I take one sip I will end up going full force and only god knows who would suffer a binge drinking rant from me. Thank you for reminding me what's important. I want and will choose life! Its the last night for bowling so I don't really want to skip it. Good news is my mom bowls with me so I have her to keep me from walking to the bar & there are a couple other people on the league who are good friends that knows what's going on. As far as this weekend I have no idea what to get into. I wont lie...it is VERY tempting to party like there's no tomorrow knowing Monday is 100% quit drinking day. Maybe I will get out of town by myself with nothing but my ipod and a couple good books. That should keep me out of trouble.
Really, thanks so much for all the wonderful support you've given me! It means so much more than you know.
gf your welcome hun, its just my experience i'm passing on. may i suggest (again my experience) may want to rethink weekend plans....being alone anywhere may not be wise. we can be sneeky, if your alone you have no accountability but you.....get my drift? making plans with friends that know whats up may be a better option. just a suggestion hun.
Great suggestion! I totally didn't even think about it that way. I was thinking more on the "let me get away from all this crap and have some me time" way.
me and my thinking early on....oh no....what they say about the mind.....dangerous place....don't go there alone.