I'm new here. My daughter recently began therapy for some anxiety and, subsequently, depression that has been going on with her. She had been hiding it from everyone pretty well because she feels "embarrassed and ashamed". I am beside myself. My world has nearly stopped moving. I would do ANYTHING to take all her pain instead! She has a wonderful psychologist who she loves. I am worried about anyone "forcing" meeds or " forcing" her into a hospital. I am not against those things on the whole, just EXTREMELY cautious and worried about doing anything too sudden or incorrectly. My brother committed suicide12 years ago after being misdiagnosed and put on wrong meds----along with mixing alcohol and drugs. I'm SO worried and feel I want to do MORE. Fortunately, my daughter is close with me, open, a good student, good kid, completely out of harm's way. I'd hate to take drastic measures because of my brothers history when she is a different person with different environment. Any help or supportive words would really help. I find MYSELF wanting to cry at random moments now because I am so filled with concern for my sweet little girl!
Hello,
It really sounds like you are doing all the right stuff. Since you are close just make sure she knows you are always there. I know you are and so does she, but say it anyway often. Having someone to vent to is very important lots of people don't have that.
Have you come right out and asked why she feels so bad? Of course put it in your own words. She may or may not know a subconsious thing. Mine just pop up like that, no warning it just happens. But if she knows why she starts to feel the way she does, you have a specific problem to fix and that makes it a whole lot easier.
Until you find the source of the problem, have her do something fun and easy. Don't make it to hard or brain over load will kick in and she'll quit.
I wish you the very best,
Michael
Thanks Michael! It feels so good just to be able to "talk" about this situation. We have discussed the " why". Basically, she feels "scared" often, for no rational reason. Not of everything, but a lot of nervous anxiety over somebody "breaking into home" ( though our neighborhood is great and we even have a home alarm) and she is nervous ( understatement) in many social settings ( though her peers would never guess). In addition, she doesn't feel " good enough" at anything ( never bothered her until she went to such a competitive high achieving high school). And lastly, she struggles with body image...though she is absolutely beautiful! Great face, hair, body, but yet, she compares herself VERY critically against every teeny tiny cheerleader, gymnast type girl. It's heartbreaking. I see her as so amazing, but she feels so less than average even. :(. I get it though. I know she is not capable of feeling all of that yet. I just pray that she CAN after extensively therapy. Her therapist is so sweet and u derstanding, I'm so thankful for finding her.
Any good suggestions on things to do that are easy and fun? Anything that gas ever helped you when things just popped up and made you sad? And how are you today?
Thanks so much for your support too!
Hi, Being scared is one of the hardest things to over come, i've found anyway. The crap can sneak up from nowhere and you're screwed.
But, by now i'm sure she can feel the start of it coming on and that's when she needs to change direction. If at school around her friends excuse herself by saying i have to go, that'll kill the fear. At home, it's nice she can count on you, in fact that is FANTASTIC. Give her a big old hug tell her you won't let anything happen. Keep the hug going until you feel her body start to relax, then you can ask if it's better. You don't have to talk through the whole thing, just when it ends or starts. That's called positive reinforecment. That is what is needed.
It is actually good that she doesn't spill all to her friends, they would have no idea how to answer and most would just run away. Even a real friend that would get out of bed to help would get overloaded and not know what to say or do. People want to hear i feel ok or i have a headache.
so let her act on and maybe give out small things.
About school, tell her how proud you are and how smart she is to be able to go to that kind of school. And it's true!
Her self image you can definately help with, when ever she's dressed for school or a school function tell her how great she looks. Give her a morning hug and tell her you love her. Every day.
Hugs and i love you never wear out.
Naw i'm an inigma, they don't have a clue about me. That's a fact.
But i don't lay my problems on my son 16. I just do what i told you in a different way, but basically the same stuff.
I've felt like a lab rat with all the stuff they tried. So years a go i read up on how our minds work, self help out the ears. I did get over the fear of business though. So i approach problems in kind of a business sense only with a twist. i've lived with this stuff for 30+ years. The pills keep me even, not happy not sad. So i try and help and give possible solutions that i can.
One thing i've done for Alexander is to create a file where all the great papers go in, call it a special place. If it's a good report card i use magnets to paste it on the fridge for awhile.
Just thought of this so it's good you two are close, if she does something really positive send her a card along with the that a girl you give her.
Gotta find the root of the fear, so change some words interject part of a puzzle. Evenually you'll have the puzzle done and the root of the fear may just pop out at you. I'm sure by what you've written it's all steming from the same place.
Long road, takes time and i know it isn't easy of either of you takes time.
Sorry i wrote a book here, just don't want you guys to hurt.
Michael
By the way if you want to say something in provate just click on my name and about my name it will say leave this user a message. But that's up to how you feel.
Again my best and i hope the root of the fear is found soo. Until then positive enforcemnt form her, there is never to much
I'm on your side, both of you yak all ya want.
Michael
Wow! I feel so glad I joined this group. It's like you gave me the big supportive hug I SO needed right now! Your words are very comforting and encouraging. I think it's wonderful that you use your own personal struggles and strengths to help others, including your son. I am thrilled to hear that you educated yourself a lot and have worked with things. I want to help my daughter get through this in the most comforting ways possible. I REALLY appreciate your advice and WILL definitely value it! I was questioning the friend issue ( whether to confide) and your words really do make more sense. Thank you SO much. It was Way more than I hoped to get out of this so soon! And I will keep the private message in mind too, thank you again! Very considerate!
Good luck to you too!
Hi Mom,
Thanks, and i guess sometimes a guy gets things right lol.
You are on a good path now, let me know how things smooth out. I have to tell you only a GREAT mom does what you did here by talking. Your kid is one lucky girl. Not only will it help her but you also, very cool.
you two have a great night
Michael