Tell me I'm going to be ok and mean it

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now. He has cheated on me twice. The first time was 2 weeks into the relationship and the second time was about a month and a half ago. I had found out about the 2nd time on his birthday and did my best to talk it out with him and not freak out...I didn't want to ruin his birthday. Every time that he has cheated he would get defensive and cuss me out when I tried to call him out on it. So I had to investigate and find out on my own and then he would say that he planned on telling me.

Lately he's been getting defensive when I ask to see his phone. He calls me crazy and says that I need to stop or we aren't going to make it as a couple. But it's all I can think about lately. And it really is driving me crazy...if I'm not talking to him on the phone and know exactly what he's doing I'm freaking out on the inside.
If your wondering why I'm still with him at all its because I've never loved anyone so much and I literally would do anything for him. He is my world no questions asked. I absolutely refuse to give up on making our relationship work. And I absolutely refuse to consider ending us ever. I honestly don't know what would happen to me without him.

The thing is when I get worried about him I have no one to talk to. Most of my friends have stopped talking to me completely since I've been with him. And anybody that I do confide in says that I'm being stupid and that I'll learn my lesson...that it won't last forever.

I guess the one thing I need the most right now is for someone, anyone to tell me that I'm doing my best and that if I believe everything will be fine then it will be. Any kind of reassurance would ease the constant pain of thinking that I'm actually going crazy.

You aren't going crazy, I'm in the same boat! It's an awful feeling and it should not be taken lightly by him. He created this distrust, NOT YOU. He needs to take a step back and think about what HE really wants in life, apparently he doesn't know. I know that you love him but at what cost??? Is he willing to put a ring on your finger? And if he is... are you willing to say yes?

Melainiac, I have to say, what are you thinking???? You mentioned YOU did not want to ruin HIS birthday even though this guy has been cheating on YOU.....seriously, I would not wait around for HIM to decide YOUR LIFE, this IS ALL ABOUT HIM. What about YOU. Your a smart person & should look within as to WHY you would put up with this on going garbage from anyone, the answers are there to be found within yourself, NOT OTHERS. Your not anyones DOORMAT. Do you really want to live life this way, always WONDERING, you deserve better. Look within.

UGH!!!!!

April

Hi,
I just joined this site because I honestly don't have anywhere in my brain to put my feelings. Four years ago I left my husband for a man I loved with every fibre of my being. We were very happy for three years. Last Dec. I discovered he was cheating on me and we broke up. We got back together after he professed his love to me, and he cheated on me again with a different woman. I took him back AGAIN, and really believed he would stick with me. He talked of getting counselling, he talked to a minister... We spend the summer together to try and work it out, but in mid Aug. he said he just couldn't do it. He said he loves me but can't get past all the hurt that exists between us. We have never been good at breaking up, and this time is no exception. We didn't stop talking and we've had sex once. I know he is still seeing the woman he cheated on me with the 2nd and 3rd time, and even though he says there is no chance for us I can't accept it. I'm so broken hearted! This pain is so so so intense. I had no idea I could love someone this much. How do I get past this? This hurts so much!!! How can I love him so much?

Thistle, from what you described ARE PATTERNS of his behavior. What your feeling now is the first process HURT, you will have to go through a series of processes mentally, it will take time. When you get to the anger stage you will feel a little better. If you want keep posting, venting, sharing here so other can talk w/you & YOU talk with THEM. It really sounds like you dodged a BULLET by not surrounding yourself w/this type of person. Maybe he'll seek help later on in life & figure some things out about HIMSELF & why he does WHAT does.

I'm sorry, if only women would know themselves better to begin with then alot of these types of situations would not be happening..... CHOOSE WISELY, do the right thing for YOURSELF.....

Take care of you,

April

Mel, been where you are about 9-10 months ago. Felt all the same things you are feeling. Please listen to me, you will be ok. LEAVE HIM. You may feel like it's the end of the world right now and he may manipulate you into feeling certain things but please take a huge step back and assess the situation for what it is. Do you want to stay with a man who lies, cheats and betrays you not once, but twice? Imagine how many other times he must have or will... You deserve way better than to be treated this way, saying this because it happen to me and I didn't know how I was going to move on. I have and I'm happier than ever without him. Please be strong and do what's best for you in the long run. Staying with him would be a quick fix and he'll take advantage of your kindness. The familiarity and the loneliness will fade, you can get through this. Please keep me posted.

xo, July

I just wonder why when we get into relationships we always feel that this person will be the last one we will ever want to be with. I know that in my situation, I was often not interested in most men so when I did find someone I liked, I was convinced that they were "it."
When we get into those kinds of situations, I think we should try to figure out what reasons or qualities draw us to these persons. Especially since they are often not good for us.
If we discover that the reasons are not strong enough to stay, we should be able to walk away with less problems.
I know that you are very much into this person and cannot imagine your life without him, but can you imagine life with someone who is constantly throwing tantrums at you and raging because you want them to treat you better? Would you say that was a very attractive quality in a man?
Just something for you to think about.

Good advice, even though one may have to (due to their past) experience the consequences of their choices.... & then LEARN.

Some people do not learn so easily, as do I. It's terrible when you keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
My mother always warned me about that, but I did not heed her advice.

lol mother always know best :)

trite but true, look for the patterns that govern your life its in everything u do then seek to change the way u do/look/relate to things

have a great day

loving thoughts and positive vibes as always

D :)