It's a rainy Saturday afternoon and as I sit here alone in my room pondering all the events that happened this week I'm finding it EXTREMELY tempting to throw on a hat and swing by the liquor store drive thru. Usually I'd have my dog with me but she's now gone which makes being in my room so incredibly sad. My best friend, gone. Yesterday I find out the woman I love is seeing someone else so I chose to let her go. She seems happier so how could I even try to stand in the way of that?? Two big losses literally days apart. Makes for a VERY heavy heart. As much as I'd like to drink myself until I no longer feel any pain I know once I come to I'll only feel worse. It's not worth a few hours of temporary amnesia. I took a huge step last night towards making better decisions. Letting this woman go was and still is SO hard but it was the right thing to do for her. I know there's light at the end of this dark tunnel I feel stuck in but at least if I continue putting one foot forward and make those healthier choices I will eventually get there.
hey d gf...the first thing that came to mind was lead us not into temptation....rainy saturday with all you've been thru does not for a happy day make. on the other had 2 days and counting to your next real big step....i'm counting with ya hun. oh man i hate to see you in so much pain hun, dark night of the soul ....your gonna get there sweet df and putting one step forward is not in the direction of the liquire store (hint hint)...what other possibilities do you have for today? hhmmm do you have any hobbies you like to do, havee some friends available to hang with and talk, what about mom what is she up to, do you guys like doing hings together, hey you can even go walk in the rain and stomp like hell in the mud puddles (stress reduction therapy, realy does work) just trying to thrpw some options out there instead of the one that if first and foremost in your mind. just love ya hun and no time like the present to start making those healthier choices.
You'll probably laugh but I just busted out my entire series collection of the show Queer As Folk. Ever heard of it? It was on Showtime for 5 years. I swear it's the best show ever!!! Well to me anyway. They also had a show called The L Word which was based on all lesbians. Queer As Folk is mainly about gay men and one couple that are lesbians. QAF though I think had MUCH better story lines so I'm actually sitting here starting with episode one watching on my laptop. Man, I really miss this show! It's keeping me entertained for now, although, there are plenty of scenes in the show at a club or just drinking in general but it's not really bothering me. Focusing more on the story instead of what they're holding in their hands.
And yes my mom and I usually do a lot together. She's running around cleaning. I'm in the market for a new car so I planned on getting out there doing a bit of looking but it's raining hard enough to nix those plans. As far as what I'm gonna get into later? Who knows!! Maybe I'll just stay hibernate in my room and have a QAF marathon.
It sucks feeling so sad. I'm missing my dog and missing my girl (well she was never officially "my" girl) but you catch you my drift.
never heard of qaf but my daughter has all the seasons of the l word she loves that show. never seen it myself. but what a great idea to have a qaf marathon. does your mom like the show? can you guys watch it together some? don't forget the popcorn d gf....love extra, extra butter and lots of salt. i was extremely aware back in 88 when i first sobered up to the point of paranoia about booze, i had been beaten up real bad by it and it scared the hell out of me ......it got ok as time went on but even today tv or movies don't affect me but to be in the presense of someone drinkiing makes me uncomfortable, i just hate what it does to people it changes them and is a nice reminder of but for the grace of god there go i.....i'm so very sorry that you've been hit by so much traumatic loss all at once....i do know what that is like and how difficult it is. i'm proud of ya d gf for watching your show and choosling for just today to not go out...i'll be here checking mails and you have this whole support site to keep ya company so keep us busy hun, post your heart out .....