we got the call today.
the 'papa's not doing well. book a flight. get here now." call. my husband's grandfather has been fighting congestive heart failure for years now and it looks like he's about to enter eternal rest in the next few hours or days.
death sucks.
my heart is so heavy.
it breaks for my husband...the eldest grandson... Papa's namesake "Richard" He's the oldest of the 8 grandchildren and about to be the family team leader as we walk through grief. my in laws are on the first flights back from Europe but will not arrive in Austin until Wed. morning.
i hate the looming feeling of death and being so far from family.
i am trying to work through handling my work stuff to be out of the office for the rest of the week...hello stressful!
my ED...yeah... i'm not doing well... a series of AWFUL triggers left me to restrict for four days and now I'm on a very low calorie intake... i am pushing myself to try - but i am finding that I am now super compelled to work out constantly... maybe just trying to find some stress relief? or 'take care' of the calories i am eating... i feel so confused as to this new twist in turn in my ED! it's like food rituals are WAY back in full swing and my obsessions are back...
....and now we add death. family. travel. unknowns. the whole deal... how does this fit things? I just don't know what to do...