Thank you :) I've endured living with a controlling Narcissistic Mother. I had 2 supporters: an Aunt, and my Maternal Grandmother plus my father. It's so big I cannot explain succinctly right now, but I know anyone who's been abused by a Narcissist understands the immense weight of pain.
You don't need to explain it succinctly. I'm sure there are a lot of us on here who have been through similar things. I've been on here for a couple of weeks now, and found it really helpful in some ways. Are you on the road to healing now? You should never underestimate the importance of having allies.
When you say it's so big you can't explain it, that is exactly how I feel about my family situation growing up with a narcissist father. When I try to explain it, it always somehow sounds as if I'm a big baby whining over a past I can't get over and then I feel like a loser. But I have finally realized that you can't explain it to someone who hasn't experienced it, sort of like how would you explain a color to a person who was born blind and was incapable of seeing it? That is the immense pain and loneliness of living in the narcissistic family dynamic, even as an adult.