The 48-hour failure

48 hours and I b/p. I can't get past 48 hours. I know why. I restrict. I can't possibly eat the fat. I can manage the carbohydrates now, the protein, everything...except...the fat. I then binge on 2/3 bowls of fat-free cereal with skimmed milk, some brown bread and jam and then I drink a solution which makes me vomit over a period of about 3-4 hours and then can't hold down food for the next 24 hours. It's the same cycle.

I can't eat the fat :( I feel that if I eat the fat, it's going to make me enormous. I've managed to incorporate one full fat yoghurt but I can only manage the one. I can't get anyway near the amount I'm suppose to be eating. I feel like there's a barrier there. I feel that if I eat the fat, I'm going to be enormous. If I continue not eating the fat, I'm going to continue the b/p cycle.

I can't believe I'm here again. I was doing so well. I felt so good. Please feel free to give me positive reasons to eat fat. How can I get it into my diet without freaking out? It's been about 10 years since since I've allowed myself the right amount of fat. I tried to buy some low-fat butter but I can't bring myself to use it. I was buying semi-skimmed milk but I went back to skimmed.

Really failed and it feels ****.

sorry you struggle so much, sweetie.

right, reasons to eat fat:
- fat doesn't make you fat, it actually helps you lose fat!!
- got this from an article:
Key Functions of Fat

We need some fat - it makes up part of our brains, it protects some of our joints and it provides reserves for when we're sick.

Fat provides needed energy. It is difficult to eat the large amounts of food in a very low fat diet to get all the energy you need.
Fat is needed so your body can absorb the fat soluble vitamins A, S, E, K, and prevent deficiencies of these vitamins.
Provides back-up energy if blood sugar supplies run out (after 4-6 hours without food).
Provides insulation under the skin from the cold and the heat.
Protects organs and bones from shock and provides support for organs.
Fat surrounds and insulates nerve fibers to help transmit nerve impulses.
Fat is part of every cell membrane in the body. It helps transport nutrients and metabolites across cell membranes.
Your body uses fat to make a variety of other building blocks needed for everything from hormones to immune function.
What happens if we don't have enough fat?

Dry, scaly skin
Hair loss
Low body weight
Cold intolerance
Bruising
Poor growth
Lower resistance to infection
Poor wound healing
Loss of menstruation

i'm sure these are things you probably know already but i thought i'd put them up to raise awareness again.

i know how hard it is to start eating fats again. i currently struggle with it too to get enough into my diet, whereas i used to have a time when i had no problems for example eating a huge handful of raw nuts. or put olive oil on my salad. now i'm back to trying to keep fat as low as possible. funny enough i was leaner then than i am now. my body fat was low and i was muscular (which is what i liked). now, with skipping my fat ratio, my tummy flab is back.
that's why i'm now trying to bring the fats back. it used to help me thinking that bodybuilders (which is the type of training i do) actually eat a ton, eat every two hours and eat quite a lot of fat too.

things that i find easier to incorporate:
- hard boiled eggwhites, but eating on egg whole
- raw nuts or seeds (certain amount but dont wanna post amount on here re numbers. email me if you wanna know)
- avocado (in salad)
- oats/porridge
- in a protein bar
- cold pressed oils in salad or soup
- if you eat fish: salmon, makerel etc

Thank you. This is all really frightening…

I haven’t touched avocado in years
Oil has only ever gone on my skin. I haven’t used it in a decade. I fry in diet spray stuff if I have to.
I only choose extremely low-fat cereal
Protein bars…snack - I never allow myself to snack.
I only ever eat white fish.
Eggs - I’m not even going into this one…let’s just say that I buy them and then end up binning them.

This is SOOOOOOO bad…my entire eating habits have evolved into an almost totally fat free. I don’t know how I’m going to break this. As I’ve said, I can manage one full fat yoghurt occasionally to tell myself that I am now ‘eating fat’ and low-fat cheese on some meals but I only put on a tiny litte pinch. SHIIIIIIIIIIIT.

I wonder if eating fat is going to make me feel any different (physically or mentally).

Maedi...this is so valuable - thank you! So here it is, all of the evidence that I need to start eating the one thing I am scared of. Seeing it here is making it more logical...I need the fat. Does anyone know if could have been the lack of fat being a possible trigger for my binges?

I really don't want to start eating more fat but I really want to get better :(

right, now the third part (sorry i'm splitting it but thought it'd be too much otherwise).

have you ever seen a dietician? one that has dealt with EDs before?
don't you think there are other reasons that you can't seem to make it past 48h? tbh, i think you should be proud of even making that, i currently can't even get through one full day. maybe it would help if you thought about next time trying for 49 hours rather than 3 days?

i hope any of this helps. if you have anymore questions re nutrition, or generally, just mail me. i'll try to help wherever i can.

lots of hugs
maedi

It’s REALLY tough for me to get to the 48 hour point. The first day is usually full of hope. I feel strong, positive and ready to beat it…for good. Then, the strength starts to fade and I’m left with the ED persuading me and finding any way to justify allowing a binge…I give in at 48 hours.

I can’t afford a dietician. Trust me, if I had the money and the time, I would go inpatient…this is what I’d really like and this is where I think I’d be able to recover quickly. However, what we want isn’t always possible so I have to find the best possible way to get better with what is available to me. I try to follow a mp but I trick myself into swapping things, cutting out the fat, etc.

OK, I’ll try for 49 hours next time! Shall we both try it?
xx

Fat is also ESSENTIAL for your brain! This cannot be stressed enough!

good advice maedi

thanks gina :-)

ohlala, it sucks, doesn't it, that we can't simply get the help we'd need? how are things regulated in france? do you have to have insurance like in germany to even see a doctor?

where did you get the meal plan from?
do you think it might help if you tried to eat some fat if a good friend is around? to help you with the feeling s afterwards. maybe that way you could start to realize that it is managable.

can i let you know about the commitment? right now i can't even imagine it, gotta get my head around it first and see if i could keep myself busy.

xxx