The bad side of online dating

My parents have always told me to meet someone through someone, so at least you have a sense of security as to who the person is in terms of their background. I took this advice lightly and had to learn the hard way when I decided to start online dating. Well, it all seemed so fun and interesting at first, somewhat like shopping, until this one guy wooed me via his very sweet and endearing messages and then phone calls. After one week of chatting we met for coffee and sat talking for hours. He said and did all of the right things, but oddly enough my gut instinct felt that something was off. In my mind, if it's too good to be true [that soon] then it probably is...so I started to do some research on this guy (got to love the internet) and nothing matched up, then I called and asked him several questions which he hesitated when answering. So, in the end, I found out that he was a complete phony, there were a few red flags along the way, but sometimes when a guy is saying and doing all of the right things, you tend to overlook them.

Now, I am going back to my parents advice on meeting someone through someone, because that experience set me straight. Although I know how popular online dating is, I just don't quite know if it's for me. I hear nightmare story after nightmare story of married men being online and guys creating false profiles.

What are your thoughts on online dating? Any good or bad experiences?

Listen to your parents! I have a rule and that is we must have a good mutual friend or there is no chance. There are way too many weirdos out there. As far as the internet, to each his own. It doesn't work for me, doesn't interest me, and quite frankly freaks me out. I feel that the majority of the people on there need to date via the internet because they have to. Granted there are exceptions but for the most part, picking your mate should not be like picking a pair of shoes. It seems very unnatural and forced and it just rubs me the wrong way. I haven't had any personal experiences with online dating but I know people who have. It's your call...

good luck and let me know how it goes.
xo, July

Well now I wouldn't let the on-line dating thing slide...least everyone is being open and honest...and if he's going to come barging into your house - in the appropraiate firemans uniform of course- why not...go on a date.

What would you be doing that night other than that anyway? I've gone on 2 and they went alright, sure they went nowhere, but no weirdos, nice fellas, even still friends with one of them.

I've taken myself ALL dating scenes at present even the cyber one - but I wouldn't have issue with going back. Just mentally prepare yourself that you're going to meet them as a friend and if it is meant to be than fantastic, if not than I got a free coffee out of you...:)

Believe me I have met many a weirdo in real life - my mam reckons I've some kind of chip embedded somewhere:) So I'm not scared of those behind screens.

Well all just want to be loved right...

Best Wishes to you
Moongal x

Wow July, love your views on online dating and I really do feel the same way now. Although it never really felt right for me, I tried to be open to it and really put myself out there and then got scared right back to the traditional way of dating.

And thanks for your wonderful thoughts Moongal, I think that online dating can be so fantastic and has been successful for some of my friends and acquaintances.

It's just not for me and I've accepted that.

I met my husband in a chat room in 1979.When we first got together in person it was groups of us from the different CSUC campuses getting together so there were always people we already knew with us. We have now been married almost 28 years. My daughter did the same thing of going out in groups when she was first dating instead of just going out with the guy. I think it is a safer way to really get to know someone.

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful love story and the great advise about dating in groups. I totally and completely agree. I love to go out in a group setting early on and then do the 1-on-1 if I feel a comfort level. I made a mistake of not doing the group thing with the last guy that I dated. My friends would have probably given him the kabosh if they would have met him. Oh yes! So, I like it from a safety, as well as input standpoint :-)

OMG YES FALSE PROFILES! FALSE PICTURES!!! sometimes a guy looks cute in a picture and then you see him and you're likw WHOAH WTF HAPPENED?!!! you are NOT as tall as you claimed wtf happened to you hair? DUDE if that pic is even yours it's like form HS or something but it's definately NOT recent! omg I had OLD men about twice my age and OVER trying to get with me and persistent to because I'd ignore the messages and IMs and they'd still continue. you have couples trying to contact you for a threesome! you have guys that jsut want sex. guys that claim to want a serious relationship and when you ask how many girls they've slept with they don't know the number but "guesstimate about 30" WTF how are you telling me you don't want a girl that has been with many guys and you want a serious relationship but you've had that many!?!!!??? I had some that were interested and I wasn't so never met up. but I had posted I was looking for chat buddies online too and one guy who I told I'm not interested cuz I DON'T want anyone that does drugs! n he's like that's fine he just wants online friends too and after like 2 or 3 lil emails not even long detailed stuff just little emails asks if I'd be interested even though he does drugs and I'm like NO I told you that before. and he's like I'm a fake ***** and blablabla and I'm like "uhhhhhh noooo I'm NOT fake because I never mislead you! in my profile it said NO DRUGS yet YOU chose to send me a message that you jsut wanted friends and didn't want to date me and I said ok but definately not interested and you knew that and then you asked and I said NO not interested b/c I don't do drugs or want a guy who does drugs and after 2 little messages you want to say I'm fake because..???? what I told you the truth?! so no I'm not fake. I never mislead you and was 100% honest from the start....." and stuff and I was like ok good he won't respond to me again good cuz he was annoying anyways and then he replied "you're right. sorry" a few days later lol but the quality of men really not great on online dating. If you think about it most men ask girl out and not the other way around sooo a guy that is normal can ask a girl out and get a date but a perv or a real odd guy can't get a date in person so is online. There are some nice guys online but thats a small percentage! sooo many were older (married yet looking for casual sex) omg now that I remember what it waslike in the short time I was there STAY AWAY STAY AWAY STAY AWAY OMG STAY AWAYYYYYYY lol

Rose, online dating is really so tough, though in a lot of ways I guess it's like meeting someone randomly when you're out one night. They can feed you just about any information; make up an entire fictitious life. Though, with online dating it's taken to an entirely new level, where they can lie about appearance and many other facts that you wouldn't realize were a lie until you met them in person. When I was dating online a couple of years ago, I met a man for coffee, where his photo was clearly 20 years old (at least). He had a full head of hair, when I met him he was bald and clearly 20+ years older than his photo. A person's looks don't matter to me, and I've dated older men, so that's not a problem whatsoever. It's the fact that he blatantly lied about his age and posted a false photo. Ick.

yes I care more about personality then looks. I mean the guy wasn’t like WOW looking. He looked ok in the pic but then in person clearly was not him!!! when I was talking about looks and pictures I meant a guy did that. lied about looks and height and it’s like ummm don’t you think I’ll notice. I felt kinda disrespected and just figured he was a liar because everything ccould have just been lies. It’s pretty easy to read my profile and lie and tell me you like similar things and research what I like and write about it you know. Plus respect and honesty are most important things to me. The guy that read my profile and could see I didn’t have “casual sex” checked only friendship and relationship was telling me he wanted a real relationship and it didn’t matter I wasn’t highly experienced because he wouldn’t want ot be with a girl that sleeps around with everyone and all this crap and then he couldn’t even count how many girls he’d been with and estimated 30 but he was like 23 and so obviously he wasn’t in a “serious relationship” with those girls. He had been telling me he had only been in 2 serious relationships before that so obviously trying to make it seem like he’d only had 2 girls but then he asked me how many people I’d been with and I asked him and he said at least 30 and so I thought hmmm maybe it was like last year or something you know and then I asked him when his last rendez-vous was and he’s like last week. so clearly he wasn’t looking for anything serious. He was telling me how hot I was n balblabal like obviously he saw my pic thought I looked good. and he thought hmm how can I get with her. and just made stuff up to get a date with me you know. and there were guys that clearly didn’t read the part where I said DON’t contact me if you just want sex because I don’t want a one night stand. yet I still got messages talking about how I look good and what they wana do with me blablabla like a lot of people don’t look at the words jsut look at the pic and say yes or no. I feel like it’s easier to lie b/c they can see what you want and pretend to be that but if you meet someone in person it will be harder for them to pretend as much because they don’t know what you want yet. I mean I had bad luck but maybe your luck will be different. idk I usually think about online dating when I’m down and feel desperate but then remembering my other experiences I remember why I deactivated the accounts. There are some nice guys out there online but majority are creepers. Ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince lol but I’d rahter not kiss frogs if ya know what I mean. I’ll just wait for the prince lol I want someone to love me but I don’t want to get my hopes up and fall for the wrong person.

Rose, I'm so sorry that you went through all of that, it's awful. I've seen friends go through nightmare dating both on and offline. I suppose that people can make up just about anything. The thing that people tend to forget is that most information is readily available online now, so with a bit of quick research we can find out if what they're saying is true or false. I've been there and done that, it's not fun to find out that someone you met and spent time with, was a complete lie.

sorry you had to go through that! but we live and we learn right? hopefully I find some REAL people soon b/c I'm tired of the fakers and all the false people around me! so full of themselves and pretendign to be nice so they can look good but not careing and it's sad b/c all they have is their image! strip it away and there's nothing below the surface! they're empty and will never be happy in life with their abyss of lies and fabricated image because deep down they don't even know who thye really are sooo w/e!!! I don't need to be fake b/c i know who I am and if ppl don't like me as me then they can f*** off! cuz I'm not changing or pretending for anybody. because that ppl that don't accept you as you are aren't worth a dam thing and you shouldn't worry about pleasing them (unless of course it's your boss at work lol) you should only worry about the ppl that acctually want to be around you because they like who you are. who you really are NOT who you pretend to be. something kinda happened to make me realize ppl I thought might care about me were actually fake. I might or might not post about it later but I wont get into it here. was stupid enough to think ppl cared because I'm nice n cared about them but found out things and found out they had alterior motivces for their niceness and well point is I'm over it and I don't need them anyways. I wont be mean b/c that's not who I am but at least I know they don't care n though it bothers me b/c I thought they did. I'd rather know the truth than live in a lie so...be yourself. don't trust ppl right away and always be weary of motives. and really just rely on yourself because you will ALWAYS have yourself. ppl might come and go but you'll always be you =) <3 I hope you can find what you're looking for

Rose, such wonderful words of wisdom; you are so right, it is best to be your true authentic self, because then people in your life love you for you. I don't understand people that put up a false front, how long can you really keep that up. I've seen it time and time again and it makes no sense to me. I've cut people out of my life when I saw them for who they really were, wow I had some eye opening moments.

Please share when and if you're comfortable sharing. I bet there's a lot that we have in common on the friendships front.

omg so much drama! i hate drama! don't create it try to stay away from it n it's the main reason I try to stay away from ppl in the family lol

soo I'll just post what happened at the end of my post "why is my mother so mean..." b/c other ppl were asking idk if you want to read but it will be there if you do =)

I agree with you Rose; I run [not walk] from drama.

LMFAO I don't get involved in it lol I just sit back and enjoy the show LMFAO I don't get involved or create it but it's funny to hear about it from ppl that were in it and from ppl that were just observers and the difference in the story LMFAO and if you see the drama and think about it later you really laugh at how crazy ppl can be. I hate drama. I never have any drama. anybody that starts drama with me I just cut them out and ignore it but I know ppl that will add flames to the fire (i think i just made that expression up LMFAO) and they create even more drama lol even over something as simple as ohh I passed by and she was accross teh street and didn't say hi ohhh that B***can u believe that lol and they just love and live for drama cuz they have nothing else lol it's sad is what it is. but it's funny at the same time LMFAO

You and me both Rose! I don't get people who thrive off of drama. One of my former girlfriends thrived off of it and it was apparent that she was trying to fulfill her unhappiness through drama. Pretty sad, but true. If I see drama, then I run in the other direction....I run, don't walk, from drama.

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