I don't know that anybody here reads any of the feeds, or that it even matters to me that people respond. But it's nice to think that I'm not dealing with the food aspect of my life in a vaccuum and that my accomplishments, trivial and insignificant though they may seem, aren't things that I cannot share. Today I sat in my kitchen and watched all the world in its state of grey, ready - though it doesn't seem to know it yet - to be full and alive with spring. I had so many thoughts about things to do and stuff I ought to be doing - projects on the house and with work and in the community, unfulfilled commitments, etc. And instead of chasing after all of them, I decided to let myself just sit. Sit and have a cup of coffee and listen to the song playing on the radio. Sit and write a few lines and sit some more. And maybe resolve not to worry about all of the 'things' in my life until this thing - for at least a week - has reached a point of peace, a platform of peace, enough that I feel calm and fed.
I was relaxed, for fifteen whole minutes. And well and happy. I went to the coop, after running a few errands, that it felt GOOD to run, and bought a bag of groceries ... all local and organic, so that food can become a gift again, something sacred I feel good and delighted about. I am home now, in my kitchen, cooking a lunch of sunchokes, trout and spinach. Happy again to be in a dim light, to find my kitchen table a place of peace. I am waiting to give myself the satisfaction of a meal. To let it be a celebration, something that I not only deserve, but that I will cherish, something that I need.
Here is the deep breath before all of it.
Wow Hunter_gatherer, you are such an inspiration to us all; thank you so much for sharing your beautiful day with us. As I was reading through your post, it brought such a sense of peace over me. I can't remember the last time that I just stopped, sat peacefully without my mind racing of where I needed to be next and what I need to be doing. You truly inspired me to stop and really enjoy and embrace those moments and appreciate all that is around me. As well, your meal sounds delicious and I can truly sense that you are going to enjoy it in total peace and harmony, what a beautiful thing.
This is one of the most badass posts I've ever read on here. Puppy dog lover is completely right, you ARE an inspiration. To me, anyway. "...to find my kitchen table a place of peace..." YES!!! I'm going to try and keep this in mind every time I'm at mine. It's what it's meant to be, a SAFE place, where one gets to not only re-energize and SUSTAIN their life, but enjoy doing it and relish in the fact that it feels good. It feels good to replenish your body and it feels good to treat yourself the way you deserve to be.
I'm still in the shackles of this disorder, but I am gradually recovering, slowly, day-by-day. And this post has caused me to take another step forward today, to put one foot ahead of the other, so thank you for contributing one step to my journey of thousands and thousands. That step is solely because of you! And I'll bet your writing is wonderful, judging by the poetic eloquence I enjoyed here. Love it!! PLEASE keep posting; we definitely read the feeds here. :D
Keep posting! I'm here and listening.
;)
Hope your meal was wonderful.