I am trying to overcome in many obstacles in my bid to overcome my ED. But it's my broken heart that is the one that refuses to mend.
Anytime I think of how badly broken it is tears well up. It's been kicked and beaten and thrown around. And I've taken much of it's punishment with grace because that is how i was brought up, to smile at those who hurt you, and never show your pain.
So now here i sit trying to figure out will i be able to trust another human again? i want to, but the idea scares the death out of me. I've almost completely let go of the two people who did kill me inside, but I can't let go of their fake promises and words.
I'm so jaded and dark about men. And I don't want to be that way because i know there are good men out there, I just keep looking for the cracks in them before the good. To even think about dating again causes me an incredible amount of stress, I can actually feel the pressure on my heart.
Can any tell me how they got through this and changed this negativity into something positive.
Oh Moongal, it really saddens me to see you going through this and it's totally beyond understandable. I really truly wish that I could take the pain away and make it all better. I wish that I could present you with a man who would make you forget about any pain that was ever inflicted on you.
You know that you did everything honestly and from the goodness of your heart, and that's all that matters. A family friend always tells me that as long as you lay your head on your pillow at the end of each day with a clean conscious then you are doing well. We cannot control what others do, but only what we do. I have gone through betrayal from people who I thought were my true friends and from men who I trusted. My last scenario which I have shared with you, was so painful, but I let it all out...I screamed/vented about it, I cried about it uncontrollably, I meditated on it, I prayed on it, and finally got it all out of my system. I would respond to his texts and finally ignored the last one he sent one week ago. That was a tough thing to do, I really had to force myself to ignore him. I knew that if I wanted to attract the right man into my life, I had to completely cleanse the wrong man out. He is now forever gone, he can text and call, but I will never ever respond to him. He doesn't deserve my time of day.
Each day gets easier and easier only after you cut these people out of your life. But you have to completely be done with them in terms of any and all communication. If you keep them around, then you are keeping a reminder of the pain around.
Hey,
Thanks, ya I guess you could say I did do everything in good conscience. I do a lot of crap and could still take it from them, but that would mean me prolonging the anger and hurt I feel inside.
What I did, was for the best and I couldn't be continuing any kind of relationship with a guy who could do that to me, I have to let them both go...and realise, I can't "fix" these people. I guess it's a case of my emotions catching up with the logic and it will soon.
Just a rough few weeks, first the long term ex slams with the facebook thing and then this guy. But I have set them free, I just have to start believing in myself a little more.
And I do see a future with Mr X. He just seems pretty far away as happiness seems miles from me at present. My ED seems to be winning. I have to be strong and get through this. I just have to.
It's a long road...I long to be happy, I really do. But I feel the sadness in the heart.
I'll be fine. You're so kind to me I can't thank you enough.
You are never ever ever a buzz kill, ever. I know that some moments are more difficult than others. Life is difficult enough than to have to deal with external issues like your exes. You don't need that. But, it's all about how we ride these waves to finally end up on a beautiful heavenly beach with Mr. X (love that).
I know that you will make it through this moment, I know that you will combat your ED. Keep looking ahead, look ahead to your life with Mr. X...smile big, be happy. That's what I do and it always brings me to my happy place. I have a visualization board and it displays everything that I wish to have; a photo of the type of man I would like to marry, children, house, etc. And I pull it out whenever I need to bring myself to a positive place.
I'm praying for you and sending you tons of positive energy
Hey guys,
Thought I would give you an update on this. Well over the last few days the ex emailed again...just this general "how are you" email. Although I was thinking why are emailing after the way it ended before...it didn't surprise me.
So I emailed back saying "stop, don't contact me again, we're done"
Because I knew I had to and I was ready to.
He then emailed back saying he was drunk when he emailed me the first time and not to worry he didn't care about me.
Ouch...but again nothing to get surprised about very typically selfish of him.
Thankfully reading the second email from him I was over at a friend's house and she was there to see and consoul me a little.
I didn't reply cos I meant it...we're done there is nothing to say, and even though I was angered by the response there is no point responding to that.
But the moral of the story is no matter how broken down you get, no matter how much strength you don't think you have left, eventually things will get easier, and you will move on to pastures greener:)
Heartache may feel like doom! And it's hard, but it does mend...so keep the chin up.
You are so right on Moongal, it really does get easier with time and it's only time that heals. I wish that there was a magic timeline in healing a broken heart, but we need to allow ourselves to feel the hurt and the emotions that come along with heartache. And, we know when we're ready and done with it.
I am so very proud of you for ignoring his last email. I know that his response was coming from a place of a bruised ego. Of course he wanted to hurt you, just the way you hurt him with your response. But, he needed that shock treatment of a door finally being slammed shut in his face. Each day will continually get easier and easier for you. But closing the door is the only way to really move on, because if he keeps popping back up in your life, it's only torment and brings back feelings/emotions.
Stay strong and continue being the absolutely strong, loving, compassionate, and caring woman that you are who deserves nothing less than the best.
Hey Heather,
We all have days like that. but i definitely think even these moments are you moving forward, you are a cool girl...ya know, you deserve everything from someone.
I never thought i would get this far hun, and I still have a few trust issues, but really I am so much improved and so glad to be free of him and you will get there too.
Keep your held head high girl
Love to you
Moongal x
Absolutely! It will just take some time, and it's all about programming yourself not to go backwards by contacting him and looking at photos. You will get there with time; just take it day by day. We are all here to support you and help you through this.