The depression is getting worse

ive been on antidepressants for years and thought i was doing ok until about 1 month ago when my husband and i seperated i feel so alone even though i have my 2 daughters my new apartment feels like a hotel no matter how much i try to tell myself it will get better the worse it seems ive never participated in a group like this but i felt like it was this and being able to talk about things or really loosing my mind im hoping someone out there can give me some advice or even just some positive words to keep me going thank you

Becky, you've gone through major life changes, allow yourself this time to go through the motions and emotions. Then, slowly but surely start taking steps towards getting to a happy place, which I absolutely know that you will. Know that we are here for you, please keep sharing with us.

I just can’t help but think will I ever be happy again?

Hi becky...I want you to know that you are not alone. it is very difficult to get used to such a drastic change to your life and you may not have wanted or expected this change, which will make it feel worse, but know it will get better. I DO PROMISE. MY PRAYERS FOR HEALING AND PERSPECTIVE ARE WITH YOU. SOMETHING BETTER IS MEANT TO TAKE THIS MISSING PIECE'S PLACE.
I just recently went through a separation from my 20 year marriage. The change was sudden, unexpected and unwanted so it was a shell shock for both of us, not to mention devastating. And i still miss him and still cry from time to time, like today. but these days i am working on doing things for myself and to show my daughter that after a great fall comes the blessing of Gods healing and Mercy. When this happened i asked over and over, what was the purpose for the change....and i slowly realized it was time to take care of me, to redefine me, to love me and its not selfish to nurture yourself and appreciate who God made you to be and look at your gifts, perhaps even work on accenting them. Now, i am in college, a place i used to be terrified of and never thought i would return to and i love it. the anxiety of how i got here is still there a bit, but NOT as piercing. THINK ABOUT WHAT ONE THING YOU HAVE ALWAYS LOVED, WANTED TO DO, BUT PUT ASIDE FOR YOUR DEVOTION TO YOUR FAMILY OR BECAUSE OF LACK OF TIME...THINK ABOUT IT AND WHAT YOU CAN DO DIFFERENTLY? AND BUILD FROM THERE....BEST OF LUCK AND KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

thank you so much for responding and sharing like i said this is the first time ive done anything like this and being a single mom now doesnt give me the freedom to find a group i really truly appreciate everything you said and your right working on me is something i need to do i have neglected myself and lost myself over the past 8 years and now its time to see who i really am i constantly ask god for answers but havent really found my answer yet and will i ever? who knows im just trying to stay strong and go day to day thank you again for your support

becky21
hi, I just wanted to let you know Ive been in your shoes and still occasionly get depressed. Its been a long time now since my husband and I seperated. I do think you need to start with a small change, something you do for yourself. your girls look to you as a role model, show them you can get out of your blue funk. You may need to have your meds changed for awhile until you get stronger.
Keep sharing your thoughts with us and get going on that one thing today and build from there.
best wishes
leanyb

thanks for your reply its nice to hear from people who are dealing or have dealt with this im trying to stay strong but deep down inside im breaking i need to find out who i am and go from there i think ive lost that over the years i do need to be a good role model for my daughters thank you so much for your kind words

You need to give yourself more credit as you've made great strides thus far & do your best to be patient w/yourself as others mentioned what your experiencing is very normal. If you feel something more is amiss talk w/your doctor & let them guide you through. Your helping so many here by sharing your experiences & letting out your true feelings, I admire you for that.

You want this honey, keep talking to us we're listening to you.

Big (((HUG)))

April

Hi becky, I think you get the message that speaking to god about what YOU should be doing for yourself at this point is a good thing to focus on, not just for you but also as a positive role model for your daughters to see that woman go through a lot but we need to get back up and find a way to regroup. But letting god show you, tell you which way to go is just as important. this was hard for me for to focus on for the first 2 years because i was so focused on the pain of the loss. Try not thinking about the pain, which is usually triggered by a memory or during a moment of loneliness the pain of the circumstances becomes unbearable. What i did was remember that everyone in our lives are only with us for a short period of time. And didnt wish my ex any harm because he was a good man to me, overall. he didnt beat me, he was hardworking and i was glad neither of us were no longer among the living, we just werent meant to be together any more. difficult to accept because as women we want to love forever, but our love can evolve, just as our roles as mothers change. i would tell the pain when it came, "God bless him, thank you father for giving me what i needed when i needed it most" and i still share with him my pain and confusion and the pain has lessened. I am new here as well and i have never done anything like this either, but its a comfort to have people who understand. you're not alone. keep listening and looking around for your clues of which direction to follow now. it will take time. Try pushing the pain and emotions aside when they come flooding in as they do tend to keep us curled up and clouds our processing. God bless and best of luck. You are not alone!

hi becky how are you doing? did you try to do something for yourself? i hope so. Try a walk around the block, exercise is supposed to help and my favorite way to feel better is to call a friend, talk about day to day stuff for awhile. Take a break from thinking about painful issues, you owe it to yourself. When you feel stronger face the issues again.wishing you a good day. leanyb

i havent really ventured into doing a lot yet however i did start writing in a journal which seems to help my biggest problem is always wondering what he is doing and who he is with it is driving me insane i try to be strong and then something comes up and im right back to square one i want to move on its only been 1 month since i moved out and it seems that he is moving on with no problem why can men do that so easy he even admitted to me he took someone out to dinner it makes me think the whole marriage wasnt true i dont know any ideas on how to get past this this is whats holding me back the jealousy any suggestions????

becky21
Hi becky,
The journal sounds like a good idea, good for you. Boy do I know exactly what your talking about. Thinking who is he with? where is he now? I had a hard time with thinking thughts like that. The only thing I did was to try to get involved in something else and when the thoughts come up I remind myself I dont want my new life wreaked because of him. I try to stop the thought when it starts. I tell myself it is a waste of my time and I could be doing something to make me feel better. It does not work all the time, but gradually I think less about him. Hope this helps. leanyb

thank you for your kind words the journal has been good but this site has been better just being able to say how im feeling and having people that are experiencing it or have experienced it is a comfort knowing i am not alone it definetly will take some time and each time i do think about it i try to redirect my thoughts hopefully i will be better at it as time goes on i think it is all too fresh right now thank you again

Hi Becky21,
i am glad you feel better knowing your are not alone, because you are not alone. Many people have experienced separation, divorce, betrayal from loved ones. You can live through this and come out a stronger person, one day at a time. You have started a journey to a new you, now you can be who you want to be, go for your dreams, and you will find out how strong you are. I have had 2 daughters die, 3 years apart,both in car accidents. I was devastated,but had to find a way to grive and honor my girls. Grieving just is painful hard work. I decided to honor my girls by living my life helping other people and enjoying all the fun life has to offer. To get to my point I would never have wanted to lose my girls and would take them back in a minuite, but I have learned a lot because of my grief and feel I know what is important and what is immaterial. So while you feel bad now, down the road you may discover a whole new and stronger you. Good Luck leanyb

I've been clinically depressed all my life. My boyfriend and I have been living together for 8 years. He's been separated from his wife for 11 years. She was sleeping with her best friend's husband for 3 years before we even met! So why is it when his 94 year old mother suffers from congenital heart failure does he give me attitude when I try to comfort him. He wouldn't even let me come with him to go to his Ex'es house to talk to the kids. To say that I'm hurt is a serious understatement. He doesn't even give me the respect of phone call while he's there. I know what has to be done but lack the strength and fortitude to do so. I understand that this is very difficult for him but to treat me like a piece of dog crap and to completely ignore me like I don't exist is unacceptable. I'm even doubting if I'll be allowed to be at the funeral. This is by no means a normal relationship.

Bozzie, I admire you for hitting the nail on the head, as your sensing theres more going on here then meets the eye. It may be something quite simple as commentment issues along with other contributing factors in his past history & you may be being the scape goat for all that he has no control over in his life that he created & would be wise to look within for answers as to WHY you've surrounded yourself w/certain types of non supportive people, there are answers & then start a different goal QUIETLY for yourself that too will be empowering to yourself because you ARE so worthy of having wonderful people in your life that have your best interests at heart.

Thank you for your insight, you’re absolutely right. I’m tired of being 2nd best. I feel like I’ve wasted my 30’s on this idiot and have nothing to show for it. He’s taken advantage of my good nature and I feel like an ass. Now however I’m stuck with him until at least Dec when I pay off my Debt Management Plan. I can’t live without his half of the rent and I signed a lease. And to top it off we work together! Different shifts but still! I get bullied by some guy on my shift and all he can say is “deal with it”. It’s a male oriented environment! And it’s not like there are a lot of jobs in the area either, this is the best paying job in the entire county! My depression is barely under control because if this that’s why I’m turning to this group. I have a therapist and see her weekly.

I know exactly where your coming from & how we get STUCK in our life & relationships & I too use to work on a construction site so one really has to toughin their hide even when we're feeling like crap & would really like to speak our mind, so the next time this person at work says deal with it, say "I AM".

Is wonderful you have a therapist to talk things through with as they can lead you & suggest different coping skills to try, in the meantime is there a way you can start stashing a little cash, small amounts at a time (even if its $1/week) just incase you decide to go it alone in a few months & check out some information for people looking to rent a room?

I wouldnt be telling you these things but I've had to cover my *** too :)

well i am not a profesional but i will try to help you all i can i would just try to do anything to keep yyour mind off of it play with your daughters hang out with friends anything it might help