The journey continues

I didn't want to tell my parents why I was depressed. I don't know what stopped me. Maybe it was some awful emotion such as pride. More likely, it was just fear. Fear that was denying me honesty to my own parents who had sworn they would love me no matter the circumstances.

I wanted to help myself in every way that didn't involve my parents.

I went to a local support group. I told them everything. I exaggerated. I was scared they would reject me if they thought I didn't "really" suffer from depression and anxiety. They all comforted me and recommended I get help.

More voices to those who think I should get help. Including myself.

That night I told my mom I was having a bad day. That I was feeling sad and different. She sympathized, telling me everybody has bad days.

I said the same thing for the next couple days. She responded in the same way.

Finally I said, "I was thinking, I've actually been feeling this way for a while, maybe I should get some help."

She agreed and that day we started looking up different psychiatrists I could go to.

Most were booked, but I managed to find one that looked somewhat promising.

So, yesterday, as I stepped into his office, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't feel welcome or comfortable (although I rarely do to be fair). He asked me a series of questions to which I answered as honestly as I could. He didn't really respond to any of my answers or provide me with any useful information, he would just ask another question.

At the end he wrote me a prescription and said he would see me in a month.

I was hoping for a lot more, but maybe my expectations were too high. Either way, I got the pills that he wrote a recommendation for.

After taking one last night, I don't feel any happier really, but it's been one day so I'm not going to make any immediate judgements.

I've also been reading "Feeling Good" by David Burns. So far I've really enjoyed it, and I'm hoping that it will help me.

Also, I would like to thank Summergirl28 who has been an enormous help and an awesome friend. I can't thank you enough! :)

Hi JakeGo, Glad to hear from you again. I am glad you talked with you mother. As for the psychiatrist, did he write your answers down to your questions? Did he write anything at all? I suggest going to see him again and see how that works out. If at any point you are not satisfied then I suggest seeking someone else for help. You may have to shop around a bit to find one that works for you. I don't know what kind of medicine you are taking but it can take a bit for you to feel any affect from it. Keep hanging in there. Keep sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

Thanks for the reply bluidkiti. He wrote down what I was saying, but looked very rushed, almost like he didn’t want me there. Maybe it was just in my head. I am going to see a counselor, and hopefully that will be better for me. :slight_smile:

im sure he did want u to b there but sometimes those who are more clinical have no bedside manner come across all abrupt and uncaring, which is daunting for us.

but on a more positive note u have your pills and u are going to see a consulor and best of all your mum is helping

keep posting

loving thoughts and positive vibes

Hi JakeGo, I am so happy to hear that you opened up to your mom who will be there to support and love you unconditionally through this. You are taking all of the right steps to get yourself to a better place. And, the key is realization and then determination. You have both of those nipped in the bud. In regard to your therapist, I agree with Domestic in that sometimes they can be quite clinical and not show a lot of emotions, so try not to take that personally. I would give it another go with him and if you're not feeling a good fit or comfortable, then it may be time to try another therapist. Several of my friends have gone through 2-3 therapists until they found their right match that they stick with for years. Please keep sharing, we are here to support you in any way that we can. Sending you many positive vibes and wishing you all of the very best!

I guess too many times we expect the medical field to be capable of fixing what the problem is & it takes alot of effort on our part to teach/learn ourselves how to help them help us, frustrating but true. Honesty does help doctors to be more capable in assisting us, so try your best JakeGo to be honest w/them & gosh dont we all wish there was a magic pill to make us feel better instead of working on fixing the problem ourselves. Do let us know how your doing as you baby step your way through the maze of life. Its like a car engine, troubleshooting sometimes opens-up another can of worms.

April

I totally and completely agree with April in that we expect the medical field to magically fix the problem without maybe digging a bit deeper to work through the problem which can be a bit more of an effort. It seems that you are doing everything right...just keep heading on the same path.

Hiya JakeGO,

I agree with all the above and would just like to offer a little support from my personal experience.

You have made the biggest hardest steps already by opening up to your mum and seeking help from a specialist.
An initial first meet is difficult all round as they dont know a thing about you and try to get as much info down on paper as they can as it takes a while through several sessions to get to know you and properly diagnose. For you its difficult as its unknown territory and the unknown, uncertainty, embarrassed, afraid, nervous and many many more emotions.

Specialists can vary so much too just like we all do so go back and if you can really tell them how bad your feeling (situation at your worst) sadly it does work in getting there attention I dont mean lie - but explain it as much as possible when your feeling at your worst it should help. If you dont gel or feel comfortable with them after a couple of sessions or its just not helping then yes I would try and find someone else. The relationship with them must work for you in feeling comfortable and at ease and that they can help otherwise it just wont benefit you.

As far as medication you have to perservere babe, trust me I have probably over the 18 years tried and tested most anti-depressants, sedatives, sleepers, anti psychotics, calmers you name it. Firstly they take several weeks to start making a difference and thats if they suit you and help you again its a bit trial & error situation to begin with - hopefully the meds are for the short fall for you as they are usually for the now to keep stability until therapy hopefully takes over and no longer need. Again it could be a different ball game and it maybe long term what ever works for you and you have to take it day by day.

If you want to know some more info on different things I know some helpful sites :

www.mind.org.uk
www.dorsethealthcare.nhs.uk
www.rethink.org
www.livinglifetothefull.com

I hope this is helpful - your not alone
keep posting & keep smiling

Jake! IMO... I think your first visit with the Dr. should have given you
---an understanding of his counseling theory (cognitive behavioral, etc),
---what would happen during your sessions,
---what he expected from you,
---and a sense of HOPE that he could help you
---and you could TRUST him to help you.

It is true that every therapist is different, and it may take a few to find a match for you!
Merri

JakeGO, I think you are doing great things so far! It is so difficult to recognize a difficulty and then act on it. I congratulate you for being able to do this, so give yourself a pat on the back - you deserve it. Regarding "Feeling Good" by Burns, it is a classic and has been in print for a long time. Whenever I'm having a particular problem, I turn to that section to read and it always helps. You may find it a lot to absorb all at once, but keep it as a reference and you will go back to it many times. Good luck, you are definitely on the right path. Be patient, as sometimes change can take many years, but have faith that you will learn and grow emotionally, then your world becomes a wonderful place.

Jake,

I'm glad you got help. I have to tell you that most Rx medications for depression take like two weeks before they start helping you. I was on one a few years back and it took a month before I stopped being lethargic and was able to function at a fairly decent level.

Even my family said I was bearable at Christmas, which kind of shocked me. I never knew I was unbearable. :-(

Keep taking it, give it a chance to help.

For me, I had to stop taking it because my insurance stopped paying. Talk about withdrawals.

Good luck!

JakeGo i read your last post and then this updated one and i can really relate to you. I have battled with social anxiety since my highschool years. I know what its like to feel uncomfortable in your own skin and wonder what others are thinking about you all the time. Like you i would usually end up overdrinking at parties too because it was the only way i could really be social.
In college it got a lot worse to the point where i would go to class and then go back to my room and stay in my room all day. My lowest point was when i started to lock the door to my room when i heard people coming into our apartment bc i didn't want to interact with anyone. I asked for help too and am on meds which seem to be helping so far. Its a struggle but you can do it and this is a great site there are so many supportive people here!

Hi JakeGo, I am so glad that you spoke to your mother, it is a very hard thing to do, I have been through it myself when I was younger. I am now 31 years old and still go through depression and now anxiety, but I now know when it gets bad I have to get help and I have been on medications for about 10 years. Antidepressants can take up to a month before they begin to work, but they do help, also psychologists or therapists are better for talking I think, because psychiatrists tend to be quick about your problem and want to write you a prescription and send you on your way. I have been to a psychologist and he really saved my life! But I think keeping busy is always good and being around people and do not be afraid to ask for help ever. I hope you are doing much better and just remember there are many people here to help you.