I am new and Ill try not to make this long but its allot. 7 years ago I met the greatest man he changed my life forever before him I didnt care about relationships at all I saw them as weakness. Then he took all the fear and doubt and insecurity and they desolved in his arms. He saved me really after 26 years of rape, mental abuse, emotional abuse, beatings and finally the notion that if I had no one Id be fine. he took it all away. He was my super action hero. You name it Former Navy, Former SWAT Team, Former Detective, Fireman Paramedic. Every move i made was guided with grace and peace at his touch but the Action Hero had Action Hero left for Blackwater. I lost it. I year later I gave up married someone who loved me and I loved him I thought it would be ok. I had loved a great love more then most and It was great!! SO why not settle down with someone that loves me and have family like normal people. Last year I left the county after years of abuse from my husband I finally said no more its me and my kids thats it! My EX found out and flew home from Tiawan he came strait to my safe house and took care of me and the kids nursing me back to health and he was now working for the government so he had to go back but kept daily contact and we decided finally nothing was going to stop us again. We were dumb to let us go to begin with. So he decided Sept 2012 his contract would be up and he would come home to me we were so ready kids were ready we were all so finally ready to believe that hope was worth it. Then I got a call late at night it was him, I listened as he gasped for air I listened to him fight to say I love you, I screamed as a medic told me we lost him We are trying. I kept begging and begging please. Tecnically they brought him back but I have only seen him once. He will not let me see him wont talk to me wont let me walk this with him. And when I get emails he seems like someone I dont even know. The man I love gave his life for a mission no one knows about and everyone continues with their lives. BUT I am frozen! SInce then my oldest who has PDD has been admitted into a phsyc ward for total break down and I am here for him I have lost everything we have no home and fire took all our personal things. what little i get for child support goes to therapy for kids I am fighting tooth and nail for them daily but I am lost inside, I cannot seem to find my self that was 9 mo ago but i am frozen there so angry so hurt and listening to the sound of my own erry scream. STUCK right there forever. BUt while facing so much loss I cannot even cry over. my mother physicaly beat me infront of my children when the police asked me why I wasnt even crying I said how do i do that. I cannot cry or react or respond I am just here trying to get my kids thru this but no one is making sure I get thru it so I can get them thru it. HOW do i breathe again fully hope again or even function outside of being mom?
I think you just fight for what is hopefully better days, you found amazing joy after heartache once, so what is to say it cannot happen again? Believe in better things and fight for a brighter day!