There is still a lot of healing to happen within me. I had a fantastic day at church, and I have began to get out of the house more and move forward with life. My ex officially moves this weekend and our life together ( a decade) will come to an end. Part of me has such sorrow and feel truly stupid for being suckered in by such a toxic person. I thought I could be the bigger person and be friends. The truth of the matter is once he's out of the house and the locks are changed, I don't plan on speaking (and if I can help it) seeing him again until my daughter graduates high school. Sad part is that my daughter has been around him since she was 5. He's been her father for the past 11 years and I'm already beginning to see the signs of neglect to come from him once he's out of the house. Ultimately him, his family and his kids got exactly what they wanted. For him to get rid of us. The beautiful thing is that I know my worth. He tried his best to break me, bring me down, make me feel like there's something wrong with me. I've persevered thru all the storms in my life with God's as the head of my life and this won't be any different. I'm proud of what I have done so far in my life and know there's greater things ahead, this too shall pass. I just pray I can push thru the disgust and disappointment in myself for the poor judgement I used in being attached to this man for 10 years. ~sigh....this too shall pass!
You are strong and wise and a beautiful person. You have been strong throughout. You have nothing to feel stupid about. Do not play his negative tapes over in your head. This is his loss. Please get better and stronger every day. When you reach a limit and need to bust out, don't look back, honey. Much better things for you around the bend. And you will have a better self image. That is worth two of him. I am sending you hope and strength. But I think the strength is already there. I am proud of you. In some ways I envy you being able to bust free! ((Hugs)) God's loving peace.
@Teeny bikini Thank you for the support. Part of me rejoices for the good lord keeping my eyes wide open thru this whole ordeal. It’s just really tough when it comes to replaying that bad behavior. Like you said I have to put that out of my mind…I am working on it. I think once he’s out it will be a lot smoother.
Trust the Lord. I really try to keep things neutral, here, for the sake of others. But in my experience. He will never lead you astray.
@mindslave1 Amen! I believe that.
It sounds as if you are at least looking forward, which is good. I know that it is hard and sometimes the best of intentions go out the window when it comes to practice. I hope that your husband will continue to be part of your daughter's life for her sake. I am in the same boat. Once I can get back to the mainland I doubt very much that our husband will see our six year old. That will be a sincere shame, because he is a great kid. Keep looking to the future.
@maywin26 I am looking forward. I have my ups and downs but lately the ups are outweighing the downs! I’m sorry to hear about your situation, I pray for your sake and your sons that he’s apart of his life. Many hugs and prayers to you too! 
I understand you've been hurt and I understand your anger. But if you serve the same God I serve then love and forgiveness has to be part of your healing. I read a lot of hate in your words. Hate will eat you up. I pray he will be a good father in his absence. I also pray for healing in your relationship. Your daughter needs both of you. It will take some time, but this fence can be mended.
@movingon1970 That’s the one thing you don’t hear! I harbor no hate towards any person! You may hear hurt, but not hate! Forgiveness will come with time, but if I can not use this site for the support I need and vent my thoughts, then I’m just as well to keep them to myself! It’s the typical ups and downs most people feel when they’ve been betrayed over and over again. As I stated earlier my ups are beginning to over shadow the downs. I hope he remains a part of her life, but I will not force it.
Yes once you complete a mourning period, which is healthy as is crying. I cry in the shower, then you can work on forgiving for you. Keeping a friendship of sorts so he can feel comfortable enough to visit your daughter. All the best. Prayers for you and your family.
@Teeny bikini I agree. I think I’m very capable of being amicable enough for him to have a relationship with our daughter. The fantastic thing about her being a 16 year old over a 6 year old is that they are pretty self sufficient which is great. Mean all i have to do is tolerate him during graduations and weddings. I wish him all the best, but for my healing I can’t wait for him to leave.