There should be a support group titled "everything"

Because everything is wrong. I was a c section baby, to a single mother that already suffered from post partum depression. And now I had scared her for life, she beat me from day one, bruises all over my body even though I was a new born infant. I never have seen my father, nor heard his voice. I was takin away to live with my abusive great grandmother, who was nuts. We lived with a pedophile who molested me and my older sister for the majority of our youth. We were not allowed to have healthy relationships with our peers. I was alienated during my school years. I bounced back and forth between my great grand mother and mother. Who fought for custody over me just to make my life hell. When back with my mother she played sick sadistic games where I would get hit with some type of object. I slept in the kitchen facing a wall, not allowed to lay down or sit. If I was caught I got beat. I was fed grits and water, while my brothers and sisters had normal meals. She would cut my hair super short and rip up my gifts to her. Back with my great grandmother she was old and neglectful. She never spoke to me in an endearing way, I blacked out a lot of this time period. Moving back in with my mother, she was on meth but didn't hit me. It was now strictly emotional abuse. I started to see men and my first time having sex I was taken advantage of. By an older guy. I proceeded to drink till I was numb and I started to hook up with random people. My mother kicked me out because her boyfriend hated me. So I moved in with my uncle who was an insensitive loose cannon, that never hesitated to put me down. Kept on a short leash I was to clean the whole house weekly and had a curfew to come home right after school. Neglected by him and his wife. They never really communicated with me they only commanded me. I fell into doing meth and cold and cough pills. My boyfriend, younger than me got me into this stuff. And when his Christian parents found out, they put him in rehab and blamed me. I was kicked out by my uncle because I had a boy over. And I stayed drunk and ****ed up til I found out I was pregnant. I called my mom to take me to get an abortion, but I was too weak. I had a warrant out for my arrest from missing court so I turned myself in for the baby. I lived in a group home for a year, the guy that knocked me up didn't want his kid and neither did his parents who hung up on me. I got out and my uncle wouldn't take me, but he offered to take my kid. I wanted to be her mother, with little to no support and being way to young and naive. I fell back into drugs and bad company, I finally gave up my child. Cuz I new I was a **** up. Homeless, and seeing a crazy guy that was just as ****ed up as me I got pregnant again. About 2 years later. I caught a plane and left. To start over and to raise my son. Family made promises to help, but I found them pawning me off on some old lady I didnt feel comfortable with. Depressed and suicidal, again I looked into adoption agencies. My aunt said she would take him. And from the womb went my son. I struggled with staying drug free. And finally obtained it. But now my head is balding, and I have stretch marks all over my body. I'm only 24. But have the body of a woman in her 40's. I've been abused by almost all I've trusted. And my physical appearance is disgusting. I slit my wrist once, and failed. I'm lonely, depressed and yet I still have nothing to complain about because there are so many more suffering more than I am. I just get so envious of those with loving families, or women my age that have a full head of hair, and gorgeous bodies. Who are beautiful and sweet and get whatever they want. And here I am scarred for life by my past mistakes, and the mistakes of others. What a horrible existence.

With that said, I would like to add that. I'm also in fear now that the relatives that adopted my children could be perverted pedophiles and only wanted to adopt my children so they could make them sex slaves. Deep down inside I don't think they would but I have no trust left in me. All the men I've fallen in love with have left me, so it used to be that I would be honest and share my past with them all the bad and everything. And now that every single one has failed. I don't bother opening up to my lovers anymore it's like I'm trapped and have no one to tell about this, and I just find myself pushing everyone away. Afraid to tell them my story, because they're just going to leave me like all the rest. I feel like it's all so useless trying to survive and feel empowered when I'm so broken. My ex lover who turned his back on me, I told him my story and he was there for me, but when **** got hard he flew the coop. You know what they always tell me? It's ok you're strong you will be ok. How is it fair they can brake my heart because I'm strong, I feel like all that I've been through hasn't made me strong but worn me and my will down. It's not fair that I have all these problems with my emotions, that scare the ones I love away. And I find gross older perverted men are the only ones that want me. Do I have a sign on my head that says I want dirty old men to treat me like a peice of meat? Can they smell that I was molested as a child? Im lost. I'm consumed by hatred. And I don't know how to be happy or trust. I feel like a lost cause and that I should just kill myself. My existence is just so unimportant. I'm nothing, I don't even have an adequate education and I live off of ssi. I'm nothing.