i waitied a whole long hellish week full of guilt and depression and anxiety wanting so bad to get started on thearpy only to get told they dont specialize in eds i guess eds arnt serious enough im dying inside from all this depression and guilt i feel so guilty and anxious when i eat i force myself to eat at normal times and normal amounts and yet i still had a binge yesterday almost binged today but my fiance stopped me now im just pouring alchoal down my gullet until i pass out i just want to be numb for a little while i just dont want to feel all the guilt for eating like normal today after binging yesterday i am having suicidal thoughts every day i just want to end it eithher way i go im going to be in serious health concerns and possible death i hate food i hate hunger if food and hunger didnt exist we would all be better off but no we have to eat to live i hatei that i hate this im never going to get help i got to wait another week without talking to anybody except people who have no idea about this and online support group they help but i need someone to give me structure i dont know how to go to just eating cause im hungry and what i want cause im hungry why do i feel so much guilt ive tried coping i know i sound like a whiny baby they acted like i didnt even matter at the thearapist they said we can help u with the depression and anxiety and mood disorder but we dont really specialize in that were going to have to refer you for that it could take months up to six months but im poor and have no choice i live with people i dont have a job cant keep one to depressed and anxious that i wont be able to control what i eat at work and ill get so big im already gaining weight so fast from all the binging i look in the mirror my stomach is a two sizes bigger my pants need to be loosened another notch in six months ill be bed ridden obese there will be stories about me on the news why cause aparently i dont matter to the state of ok i hate oklahoma the dont give a crap about mental health i hate life right now theres no one here no one to talk to no phone to call a crisis center just alchoal and tons of food and cigs and tv and beds an empty house full of my enemie food i hate what we need the most food
Wow... I'm glad you have a safe place to get your feelings out, dear... ♥ Keep trying to find a therapist that DOES specialize... It's not that some therapists consider eating disorders unimportant, but rather, they know that eating disorders carry the highest rate of death of any mental illness. Treating them requires lots of specialized training. You deserve to recover. ♥ You deserve your freedom.
Love,
Jen
yeah if it wasnt for this site i wouldnt have anything but im feeling better today a little depressed but ive been fine all day except when they weighed me at the dr im still not up to my goal weight but im just going to keep on going i know that the future holds something for me i just dont know what i hope its full of good times and enjoyment rather than obsession and despair this is what i gotta do to get better i understand it takes time im just impatient i want to wake up better that would be great i want a time machine that would be awesome
I know the feeling!! A time machine would be GREAT!! Hahaha! :) Maybe a memory eraser, too. ;0)
I'm glad you're feeling a surge of determination. :) I often felt I was moving along by jumping from one such surge to another. Much like hopscotch. ;0)
Love to you,
Jen