They kept on telling me, it's going to be super hard when you talk about your a use for the first time. And of course I said it's fine and though I can do this. Truth is I don't know that I can.
All any of us can do, is talk about doing, plan, discuss, or, actually do things.
One keeps us a prisoner of our fear, our pain, our dreadful experiences.
The other is a beginning, a path we walk to endless possibility.
We must truly decide within ourselves which is worse, or better, and take the steps to change, evolve; or not.
The steps are vital. They involve sacrifice, courage, determination to be free of that which haunts us, or at the very least find peace in our pasts, as we live for now.
Speak your truth. Over and over, and as you do if your truly doing, it will become easier. You will become stronger. Follow the path of healing, grieving, forgiving and move forward a little stronger each time.
For when we don't. We spend our lives in pain from long ago, we never grieve that which we lost, we never forgive those that have hurt us, even ourselves; and that is only the path to anger, bitterness, and strangely enough self loathing.
Dare to rid yourself of fears awful whisper. To remove the warm blanket fear wraps around us, for in the end, it offers no comfort, only the illusion of it. And deep down, everything remains.
Courage is a flower. Nurture it. Care for it. Watch it grow, bloom, into a bush, a garden, a lush field of beautiful colorful possibilities.
For if we don't, the field remains barren, the garden dies untended, the bush fades, and the flower never blooms.
And yet, endless possibility still remains, even than, for the seed waits below the surface to be watered, loved, and one day bloom.
I wish you luck on your journey and hope you find the courage to tear down every wall, rip open every door, face it all, heal, grieve, forgive and move forward; not forever free of pain, but able to cope with anything life throws your way.
Have a beautiful evening.
@EricofWeird thank you. I am a fan lol.
It should eventually get easier to go back to those moments and face what you've kept buried for so long. It's actually kind of like working out. When you first start out, you hate it, and it sucks, but if you embrace the suck, it eventually gets easier and easier to do. Eventually, the idea is that at the end of the day, you become a healthier person for all the suckage you put yourself through.
I feel like me keeping the past burrows deep inside me is what caused so much of my depression. I wasn’t dealing with my feelings. I also didn’t realize how bad I was avoiding and suppressing the pain. I remembered thing of my past and would say oh that wasn’t that bad. And it wasn’t. But that’s not where my pain was coming from. Now I’m dealing with a whole new can of worms. I’ll get there. It’s all new to me
I was one that held it all in never letting anyone know that I was suffering inside it felt like the safe way to go. It didn't help me at all it drove me crazy. I finally let it all out and told someone helped myself and I have left it in the past. I am a different person today for letting go of some of my crap. We need to love life and laugh a lot to get through each day. It's helped me a lot. Hang in there.
Thank you all for your support it is much appreciated. Feeling a little better this morning and getting ready to do couples therapy.
@Askh Stay strong and reach out if you need to chat.