Things Get Better, then They are Bad again!

Why is it that when things seem to get better for me they take a turn and end up feeling worse than they did before?? It seems like the older i get the shorter the good periods seem and the longer and worse the bad periods seem! It feels like i have tried everything! and yet it comes back to relapses, unable to look at myself, more self mutilation, more eating problems! Why is it that i just cant catch a break??

If anyone has any ideas to help breakdown these recurrences please let me know!

Thanx
Crow

Well Crow, I can tell you that I feel that way sometimes too.
Though I have also experienced getting through some real tough times to find a treasure waiting on the other side of it all.
Those treasures we can find when we look for them.

For me I have been trying to focus on the positive things, because I am **** good at finding the bad and quickly. Retraining myself to instead look for the good in all situations, (being thankful sometimes merely that it is no any worse, knowing full well it always could be)

I am adopting a spirit of gratitude and of adaptation in times of strife.
Finding the even keel inside of myself, because it seems that it is not there in my external circums.

Finding an internal peace that survives the insanity of what I see, touch, taste, hear and taste.

I've been using guided meditations which have helped me a lot with this goal.

Instead of relying or depending on my external circums for my peace and contentment I am finding them internally instead. Then I am not upset when I get the bad news of the day , if you will, I can then take it in stride. I do not get overly happy when things are going well. Shooting for the middle.

Called the "middle way" in buddhist thought.
This is what has been helping me a lot.
I am learning it is a mindset that I do have control over, not the circums.
Accepting what is and adapting myself to it. for i have found in much of my bad feelings is created in wanting things to be different than they are, and when I think that way I am always disappointed, cuz they just are not going to be. but instead if I adapt myself to what IS, and notice what is good, even in pain , what can i learn from this? but to adapt myself to it, then it all comes out differently. Then I am pleasantly surprised by the "good" when it does come, knowing that this life is all change and attaching to things that are not permanent leads me to disappointment.

This leads me to a lasting feeling of contentment instead of the fleeting one that comes and goes when I attach to the external circums.

Hope this helps.

oh have to ad, then once I figure this out, i try to give myself a reminder of this state of mind
once captured
because when I start feeling th e pain of this world again i can then snap that rubber band of a reminder and RETURN to my give mantra and truths..
it is a process and it is one easier said than done, but I figure practice makes perfect, if I continue on i see myself getting stronger and stronger

thing is life seems to come up to match you on this!
Heck, I go forward with my blind faith on sometimes
but this is what I'm using to help myself.....
sorry to be so darn long winded!

Blind faith is the main thing pulling me through

Pegasus, long winded is good sometimes, and definately is here! your words meant alot and give my ideas and i thank you for that!

Tools, thats an idea i have entertained for a while! it never worked for me but it always did for my mom so i understand! thank you for reaching out with your way!

as far as faith goes, i have to admit i lost all faith a long time ago and never really got it back! i cant really say i believe in much, i have read so much about different religions and never could find one i really fit into! faith in myself is even worse for me! hope is one thing i have now i never have had before! for once in my life i am holding out hope that i can make it through these dark periods!

Thank you again!
Crow!