One of my close girlfriends just got engaged and is a great example to me because she has laid everything out on the table in terms of what she would like in a marriage, such as children. I've seen people enter into marriage time and time again hoping that things will just work themselves out along the way, and they don't. This article reviews what to discuss pre-marriage;
"In order for a marriage to last, the couple should have some things worked out and planned before taking the plunge. Instead of assuming that things will work themselves out as you go along, only to find that as you come upon a major decision or turning point and cannot reach a compromise, having an idea of each other’s wants, needs and expectations prior to entering into the union may keep you from divorcing due to “irreconcilable differences”.
The following are a few things that should be discussed in detail before the wedding bells ring:
Money – The couple should decide who is going to handle the finances. Is it going to be a joint effort or is one person going to be responsible for budgeting and bill paying? Are you going to get a joint banking account or keep your money separate? Are you able to afford your bills and your lifestyle? Do modifications need to be made? Money can cause a lot of problems and a lot of fighting for couples. It helps to have the major kinks worked out ahead of time. It is also a good idea to figure out how the wedding is going to be paid for.
Jobs and Location – Perhaps one partner has always wanted to live on the West Coast, while the other is perfectly content in their current locale. Each one may assume that once married, the other will concede to his or her wishes. This could be a huge problem and may end up leading to the newlyweds living in different time zones. Strange? Yes. But, it has been known to happen.
Is either party likely to be transferred out of state for his or her career? Is one of the couple’s careers going to have them moving around a lot? Whose career is going to take precedence? If one person’s job moves around every couple of years, the other person better get used to starting and stopping jobs or finding short term work in each location.
Children – Most important in this category is to agree on whether both people want children or not. Sometimes, people are adamant about not wanting children, but the boyfriend or girlfriend thinks he or she will be able to change the other person’s mind once they are married only to find that the other person truly has no desire to be a parent and never will. This can lead to a lot of heartbreak and resentment. It’s best to decide if procreation is something both or neither of you want to do before you tie the knot.
Living Arrangements/Chores – It is more and more common these days for people to live together before they get married. Whether this bodes well for the longevity of the relationship or not, it gives the couple a chance to work out how to live together. People’s true characters come out at home and seeing how the couple deals with the frustrations and irritations of the day-to-day together gives a glimpse as to whether or not it is a viable long-term coupling. This allows the couple to work out who does what chores and what each person expects from the other as a homemaker. Not living together does not foretell disaster for the couple but having an idea of how your partner lives can help you to see how you fit into the picture.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, and there are many things to work out when deciding to marry. Will it be a religious or secular ceremony? Will the couple raise their children with some type of religious practice? Will they travel and where will they go? The list goes on and on, and not every crisis will be able to be averted ahead of time. But, discussing and planning out these main areas may lead to a happier, calmer, and perhaps longer, union."
Source: Helium, by Isobel J.