I dont know why am I even thinking about it. I am afraid of death more so to kill myself, but lately it seems it doesnt matter anymore. I just want to disappear. Just hoping that something or someone will do me wrong and just end my life. I feel so empty, worthless,useless its like Im alive but no life.
1 Heart
Hey, I have OCD/ADHD/MDD and battling these thoughts seems to be just a part of my day now. What has you so low that you feel this way? Do you even know? Sometimes I don't know what's bugging me so bad. Lately my nieces and nephews have been a good enough reason not too. Find your happy thought so you can fly ;)
hi Marcus! I was kinda surprised to really see someone put an effort to reply in that post (although Im really hoping that someone will.)My feeling low has been going on for several years now usually would last for months or years then it will just stop then voila! its just there again. And now im just so tired to go on, I woke up everyday with the first thought in my head that I just dont wanna go on. To live another day is like a battle for me already (im crying right now and i dont even know why). I dont even know where to get my strength anymore, I already lost the two people I love the most-my parents. My father passed away last November 2008 and My mother last December 2009 and both from cancer. Everything in my life right now is full of uncertainties and im so afraid to see what bad could happen next.
But thank you so much Marcus, you’re right i’ll try harder to think of some happy thoughts only
Charity,
I know the feeling of losing the people around you that you love. When I was 15 I lost my best friend and brother. He died of cancer in 1999, and it has changed my whole life. We did everything together. I'm not sure where this is going or if it is even remotely helpful.
Marcus
1 Heart
charity,
you are a beautiful person and have lots to offer in the big world.. you are needed here for many reasone. you be strong and take care of you ok..i am sorry you feel so alone but you can be strong.
HUGS
cherbear
1 Heart
hello cherbear! thank you for the wonderful words, i know i am here trying to find strengths from others who can totally relate to what im going trough right now. you and marcus( the other one who respond)sure put a smile in my face this morning. i just hope that smile would last longer…
I'm glad I could turn your frown upside down. I am sad to hear that the meter ran out so quick though. What is it going to take to get you feeling better? Are you seeing anyone or taking anything?
Charity, you need profesional help. I, too, was depressed and then not depressed over and over. You will probably need some meds, but that's a good thing! I did nothing about my mental health issues for a long time and ended up self-medicating with cocaine for nearly 30 years. I have at least 8 well-planned suicide attempts in my past. Today I am taking an SNRI, a dual acting anti-depressive and I am happy to be alive. I recently celebrated my first year clean from drugs and I thank the gods that I am seeing a psychiatrist, a therapist and am getting the meds I need. Though I am an old bat I do remember how awful depression is. Please get some help.
1 Heart
hello Tana! thank you for giving me that kind of concern. my bestfriend and i are actually planning to seek a professional help but i do have (a lot)of apprehensions. you see here in our country its not really usual to see a shrink the only people who goes and see the psychiatrist are all worst cases already (we dont even have support groups like this)and i dont want to give them that idea about me cause im not. You know Tana, a few years back i already tried to commit suicide i overdose myself with... (i forgot already)i guess i didnt took enough meds cause (im still alive obviously) it just gets me to vomit its like my stomach and my whole body resisted the harm that im doing to myself and you know what NOBODY up to this point, not my parents, siblings, relatives and friends knew about it. my point Tana, its really hard for me even if i know that i need help, a part of me is asking help they wouldnt understand why am i like this or why am i acting like that my whole life is in chaos, my relationship, my career, my friends, and everything else. its so hard to go through this alone but i just dont know how to let them know and make them understand.
Charity,
I attempted suicide about a month ago. It really hurts your family and friends. They love you and want you to live--I don't even know you and I want you to live.
Sometimes I wish I would have succeeded. But instead I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. I lived and I am here now telling you that life is so worth living. Imagine your life 10 years from now....think about all the positive things that have happened to you. If you kill yourself you are cheating yourself out of so much.
I know how you are feeling though--I still feel like that sometimes but I have to really let my thoughts disappear and clear my mind and get back to where I was before those thoughts invaded my mind.
Let me know if I can do anything or answer any questions. I am praying for you.
~Ashley
hi Ashley! thank you for including me in your prayers.
I really wish that I could see that “there is more to life that is worth living for me” but i just cant, well most of the times. Sometimes, everything is so fine and clear to me but most of the times future is blurred for me. Its like I’m afraid to live longer because of these uncertainties. I always feel alone, rejected and miserable. I am sooooooooo tired of my own emotional roller coaster.
Hi charity
I am glad to be able to put a smile on your face.. thats what we are here to do.. help if we can..HUGS to you ok..
keep that smile ok
cherbear
Hi Charity,
Honey, you are depressed! You've been through such a lot of emotional stress in your life - the loss of both your parents - you are feeling like this because your brain is depleted of certain chemicals - it is not because there is a fault within you as a person. Depression is an illness,a disease, and you need to go to the Doctor NOW, and tell him or her everything, and be totally honest about your suicidal thoughts. You need to be on medication to give your brain a boost in some of those chemicals it's lacking. You need to stop trying to hold it all together and go get some help and support honey, it's okay to sometimes need to do these things for ourselves.
Never give up on life. Those thoughts about ending it all are not true. The truth is,you want your intense distress to end, not your life, and when this distress has settled down and dissipated, you WILL feel better again.This WILL pass. I speak from experience.
Good Luck xoxoxo
Claire
Hi Cha,
I hope today finds you feeling better about life.
I have discovered after many years battling depression, anxiety, and addiction that the best way to fight is to surrender.
I mean this in the context of the 12 steps. By surrendering, I acknowledge that I am powerless over my disease and that only a power greater than myself can restore me.
After years of medications (which I became addicted to), therapy, religion, guru's, etc. I have found that joining a 12 step program has given me the best results. The self hate and fear is being replaced with acceptance and love. My journey is far from over, but I no longer dread the morning and having to face another day being me.
God bless you Cha, and know you are in my prayers.
so someone told me this passage, Suicide IS LIKE TELLING GOD YOU CANT FIRE ME, I QUIT! Im not sure if thats suppose to be funny but i had to think about it .makes sense.try to run off to a place were no one would know you. hide yourself in away. it would just be the same
I WOULD BE VERY CAREFUL ABOUT SAYING THAT IN PUBLIC FORUM.
SOME ONE WILL THINK THEY NEED TO BUT IN A LITTLE TOO MUCH.
IF U FEEL SUICIDAL YOU SHOULD JUST TELL YOURSELF I'M GOING TO GIVE MYSELF A WEEK TO THINK ABOUT IT.CHANCES ARE IT WILL PASS.YOU LOOK VERY YOUNG SO REALIZE U HAVE ALOT TO DO STILL AND I PROMISE U IN 5 YEARS YOU WILL NOT EVEN REMEMBER WHY U WANTED TO DO THAT.
SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM.
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND READ SOME STORIES ABOUT PEOPLE WITH MORE MISFORTUNE THAN YOURSELF,MAYBE THAT WILL HELP.
GOOD LUCK KID
thanks man, i didnt want to offend anyone it was just a different insight
Take deep breaths. Seek help. Even if it's calling a number to talk to someone- or talking to people on here. There's ALWAYS someone to talk to. I know different countries, cultures, religions, etc. face all these problems differently- in the end though- it's about YOU. YOU are meant to be in this world, and you showing even sharing on this blog your feelings....shows me you do really want to be here. be brave sweetheart, you can do this. i promise.
No one understands when a person feels hopeless. People give you all types of what I call traditional advice. When a person says I don't want to live anymore is because the state they are in at that moment is hopeless and they are looking for something or someone to understand that feeling and where it is coming from. I understand! It is your right to cry or to feel hopeless. This world is tough and even though you are trying hard you need help as everyone. Nobody has this thing figured out but here are the options. Conquer this like you are trying to do so you can encourage someone else who has it much worse. Nothing you are going through is about you. It is my belief we are here to help someone else. So what you are going through it is to prepare you for something greater. Find away to make whatever it is a victory. If you can't I am here. Sleep in peace. Tomorrow is coming regardless.
Suicide has always been my Ace.
If things just keep going on straight through hell, I'll just as well meet the Devil on My terms.
Shower after shower of acid rain..
Professional help only helps if you discloses absolutely Everything to them.
After that step, you'll need to think about YOU, as the most important person you know.( ;
All the prescribed medications won't fix what you don't even Care about.
Somewhere down the line, you started to believe you weren't worth it.
Not good enough.
Well Bull.
No one is!
Under a microscope, All would fall.
So, whoever, whatever put that in your head needs to be addressed.
And that doesn't mean actual confrontation w a person, but saying No, to the wrong idea that Joe Blow is somehow Better.
He's Not.
And once you get that your place here is Valuable, valid, and a given Right, you can leave those beliefs in the Dirt, where they started