This is hard to post. I have had to become very humble today

This is hard to post. I have had to become very humble today and admit my wrongs in what happened. It is hard to admit wrong doing because it feels like condoning the infidelity. It is not. 8 years ago I caught him in a lie. It was not infidelity but it felt as devestating and betraying as it does now. I was crushed. I remember thinking 'well u can have my body (sex) but u will never again have me (intimacy)'. I didn't want to give him my heart- during sex- again. I took away intimacy- and just went through the motions of sex. Numerically- our sex was great. I didn't even know he missed the part of myself that I decided to withhold years ago. He did. He yearned for it. And that led to our problems. I am not responsible for his actions, but now I can humbly recognize my part in his unhappiness. We all have to work together with our partner in the 'fixing' of our relationships (those of us that r getting another shot at this). It is hard to admit wrong doing...but we must look inward as well as outward...

7 Hearts

But that's a positive step. Look at it from the angle of if you are able to fix the problem that les to the betrayal then is less likely to happen again. Let's face it- none of us are perfect and betrayals don't happen in a vacuum except for sociopaths. I'm so proud of you! Thi is a step in the right direction! <3

5 Hearts

It is hard admitting our faults. I admitted to her that I carry some of the responsibilities for the demise of our marriage. But still in my mind, nothing justifies infidelity. If you are not happy, talk about it and try to fix it, If that doesn't work separate and then find someone new. She skipped step one and went right to step three. And yes I did try to talk about it and the response was always "are you ever going to forget this?"

2 Hearts

@blue2u61 You r right. There is no excuse for infidelity. It is not fair how she reacted to u. She should have been more patient and understanding. I am grateful everyday that my guy has these qualities.

Very well said. I agree with others that the choice to have an affair is exactly that. One choice between several other, better, healthier choices. I also completely agree with the idea of reflecting on your marriage to understand what lead your spouse to make that choice. I don't agree with my wife's course of action but I know what was going on in our marriage that lead her to that path. You can't blame yourself or allow others to blame you but being open minded about the trouble in your marriage can help so the troubles don't surface again down the road. I think you are showing sincere empathy and that is a valuable ability in marriage.

3 Hearts

@Piwo33 Well put. I like how u point out how essential it is to examine the marriage itself- as well as the infidelity- in order to prevent this in the future

Bravo to you for digging deep and understanding what was going on. In no way shape or form was the affair choice your fault. That is all on the ws. There were a thousand constructive, healthy options out there to choose from, an affair not being one of them. But, it takes courage and strength to admit your faults. I admire you.

2 Hearts

@Betrayedbymylove Thank u! I agree- they should have taken another path. Cheating is such a horrible ‘solution’ to a bad situation.

@skhc I agree completely. I like how u put it ‘He can’t b the bad guy forever with u sitting on high moral ground’. It does have to b on even ground in order to move forward successfully. Thank u

What a great post. I'm proud of you! And, you're right in that we are not to blame for what they chose to do but we very well could bear some responsibility. I've had to own what helped my wife feel like our marriage was in a hopeless place and am thankful for the chance to rebuild.

1 Heart

@whyOwhy Awww. Thank u :). I am glad u were humble enough to recognize changes u could make. It takes a big and strong person to do that. There is hope for us yet! :slight_smile:

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