This is my confession

i havent really ever talked about this before with anybody. i dont really believe i have an eating disorder. but the only time i eat is to show people i am not starving myself. truth is, i dont feel like its starvation. im never really hungry. there are times where i will try to make myself eat but i just feel sick and it feels like my throat is actually tightening up in order to not let anything in. when im around people, i do eat A LOT. any greasy food. i have had my mom worry about me about how i maybe too thin, but then we go out to eat and then she just thinks its my metabolism. my boyfriend thinks im getting too skinny. and someone at work actually came up and asked me if i was anorexic. that was sort of a wake up call for me. i really never eat at work, and i say its because im just sick of the food, i have worked at the same restuarents for two years now. its not that i feel fat, but when i do look at myself in the mirror, i just feel disgusted. especially now that im going through a lot of stress, it really shows just how much im not eating. in the past month ---. i cant even stand my face. i used to hate make up, but now i try to pack so much on my face and even try wearing a scarf to hide my chin which i think its the ugliest part of me. on days when im happy, i dont feel the need to as much. i tell people that i am comfortable in my body and i do think im pretty, but now im not so sure... i have better days when i just dont look in the mirror. this probably isnt even an eating disorder or anything. maybe it is cause just my life is crap. just thought id let it out to somebody. anybody.

btw that isnt me in the picture. its just someone id like to be.

nvm i changed it :)

I feel the same, only i'm overweight. I just jumped on here too for someone to tell me if i have an eating disorder. I am not qualified to say if you are or you aren't, but I think you definitely did the right thing by posting that. I think that I have felt similar about the covering up, and the not being hungry...when you don't eat or drink enough your body starts to shut down and you feel nauseas about eating, but then when its there with other people you just shove it in. I feel you.