This is my first submission in this support group. I feel I need all the support I can get at a time like this in my life. My name is Brittny and this is my story...
I found out on Mother's Day that I was pregnant. I was beyond excited, as was the father of our unborn bundle of joy. After one successful pregnancy, almost 7 years ago, I was completely in awe to find out I was able to conceive again, especially after doctors told me I would never be able to have another baby. A few weeks go by and we finally get to have an ultra sound to see the miricle that was growing inside of me. The ultra sound revieled that there wasn't one miricle, but two!! Right away we talked about all of the possibilities that our future would hold. All was well and we awaited our next OB appointment. That day came early last week, I was so excited to see the doctor I couldn't sleep the night before. As I'm lying on the exam table, I smile as I see the father of my children, light up in a way I never have. We couldn't believe it, we were having twins!! As the doctor came in to review the ultra sound with us, we learned about the concerns from him. We learned that the babies were developing at the rate the doctor would have liked to have seen. At that time I was 5 weeks along. Another appointment was set for a week later, to locate heartbeats and measure fetal growth. That was the longest week of my life, I felt like I was playing a never ending waiting game. I knew in the back of my mind that I should expect the best but prepare for the worst. Well that week finally passed and as we sat in that waiting room, I couldn't help but think the women around me could hear my heart beating through my chest. My name was called, the ultra sound was done, and I was asked to come back later day day and speak with my doctor directly. We did just that, we waited, what seemed like days, to speak with the doctor. We waited in that room in silence for an hour, an entire hour, to find out what was so medically important that we had to speak to the doctor. What he had to say was the most heartbreaking thing that I would have to comprehend. He informed myself and the father of my unborn children, that I infact, was 1 in 4. I was pregnant with two miracles, that, in a nutshell, didn't have heartbeats. I felt my entire world come crashing down around me. I wanted this is be a dream, I just wanted to wake up from the nightmare I was in. But it wasn't a dream, this nightmare wasn't a nightmare at all, it was reality. How was I supposed to tell my family and friends? How was I going to explain to my six year old son, that he wasn't going to be a big brother? How am I going to survive this? I'm 8 weeks today and waiting on a call for the date and time of the D and C I have to have done. I've never been so scared or felt so heart broken in my sort 25 years on this earth. I'm angry. I'm scared. I'm so heart broken, I can literally feel the pain in my heart. I want so badly to cope with this, to be able to accept that this is actually happening to me. I don't know how long it's going to take to feel okay again, or even know what to expect on this journey of healing, but I'm ready for the challenge.
im sorry so about that dear .. the only thing that can heal the pain is passage of time . be glad that u have ur son ..some ppl never gets to feel how it feels like to be parent .
I know only time can heal the pain, I'm worried it's going to be a long journey though. Having my son actually helps, he may be young but he is my rock :) thank you for the kind words.
ur welcome dear ..no matter how hard ur pain is ...being here helps u to know about other ppl pains ..u can always read about others ppl problems n see u r not alone n some ppl even got pains that makes u forget urs n take ur focus of urself n start to think about them wanting them happiness n peace .. that helps u improve urself too n makes u feel better ..im also new here . but what i got so far is that there r ppl here how despite of the fact that dont know u care u even more than ppl who r around u n know u . becoz they felt same pain n know how u feel . u can count on our support . welcome to our community
You are right! I'm happy I found this great support community, I trust that it'll help me with my struggles and I hope I can be some support to other women as well.
mabye tell your son that the babies love him very much but they had to go and that they will always watch over him