This is my first time reaching out for any kind of support so I really don't know what I am supposed to write or how much detail to give but I am feeling very alone right now. I feel like no one understands how I feel or what I am going through. My husband has been working on recovery for over 6 years now for various aspects of sex Addiction. He recently went to a treatment centre and was away from me and our kids for 3 months, since he got back he has slipped back into many of his old habits. When he got back I thought he was better at communicating and that he was being very open and honest about everything with me. He was open about wanting to give up on his 12 step program. We talked about it at length and I really felt like I was being heard and included in the choice. Then I found out last night that he is back to looking at porn (only once and it was not porn just pictures of other women) and he has "relapsed" in other ways as well. He was not really being honest with me he was only telling me enough that I felt like he was being honest but really he was keeping things from me. I told him that I was not ever going to go back into the depths of his addiction that we had faced already but he seems to be slipping back into them. I am not sure how much more I can endure. I don't feel important at all, this addiction has consumed our lives and our time and crushed our relationship. He keeps allowing it to take over and I buy into all of his excuses. His most recent justification is that he is trying to manage this in a different way and that is going to have failure and set backs until he figures things out. It is like he is looking for a healthy way to have me and his addiction both in his life (wow as I was typing that it made total sense and I need to call him out on that) I don't know what i should do, do I leave or stay? how much can one person go through? Will things ever change? I feel so stupid for ending up back here time and time again but I do love him I just hate his addiction. I am so confused :( I am feeling helpless and alone and am not sure what to do now. We do see a councillor who specializes in sex addiction but nothing ever seems to be enough. The 2 steps seem to be failing us/him and even this treatment centre was a huge waste of money and time.
1 Heart
Hi welcome. I am very glad that you are looking for support. You arent alone in this as you can see there are a few of us here. Only you know if its time to go. Read posts here and write as much as you feel comfortable and as often as you like. As you could tell writing your post, it helps to get it out to think clearer. Maybe some individual counseling just for you might be helpful. Maybe you might want to think about a new SA therapist. Especially if they arent really helping anymore. If you click on my profile you will see the posts i have made, there are some useful links there.