This is the first post I have ever made on this site. I

This is the first post I have ever made on this site.

I was diagnosed with BPD back in 2011. I have done moderately well over the past few years until July of 2014. I began to have an affair, wanted to get a divorce but my husband doesn't think it is really me talking and that if I go to therapy, it will change my mind. I have been unhappy for probably about two years but I was able to deal with it until we moved to a new state. I am miserable, the only thing that makes me feel better is when I am with the other guy. My husband knows I am still seeing and talking to him, but refuses to give me a divorce. I am so angry all the time, and he doesn't care. No one cares. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I've been shopping more, impulse buying and then returning, I have been thinking about hurting myself more often, and my doctor has put me on tons of new medicines, and nothing is helping with how I feel or my thoughts on the situation, so I am starting to think they are real feelings for this other guy, and that I do want to end my marriage.

It has felt so good to get that out. Sorry it was long.

Hello 41xissej and welcome to the BPD group. I am glad you found us and were able to write about how you are feeling, but I am sorry to hear you are feeling miserable and that nothing is helping with how you feel or your thoughts. Your post wasn't long at all, it helps with getting to know you a little bit. Regardless of your husband's thoughts on you being in therapy, do you think that it would be helpful for you to talk to a therapist about your anger, unhappiness, wanting to hurt yourself and identify your real feelings for the other guy and whether or not you want to end your marriage? Lots of support for you. We are here to listen. Hugs!