This is the first time I have opened up about my abusive rel

This is the first time I have opened up about my abusive relationship. I hope it is ok to post here. My ex kicked me out about 3 weeks ago. I didn't realize I was being emotionaly abused until I was gone from him. I am now trying to pick up the pieces. After about a year into our relationship, I left California and moved to Virginia with him. I left California angrily as nobody in my family wanted me with him (In retrospect I understand why) and my dad said if I stayed with him, he was cutting me off. None of that mattered to me because I loved this guy. In California, I did not notice the verbal abuse. I chalked it up to words he didn't mean when angry and drunk. It wasn't until we got to Virginia when he completely changed. I met his dad who is a full blown Narcissist. I witnessed his dad verbally attack my ex tons of times. My heart went out to my ex. I conforted my ex after every episode, wanting to hug that child inside him that for all his life put up with this abuse. Then the day came when his dad verbally attacked me. I was in shock. I was wounded. That morning his dad told me I was the best thing to happen to his son. He said he loved me like family. Later on that same day he told me I was pathetic, that I was bringing his son down, and that I needed to get the **** out of his son's life!
After that incident I stayed away from his dad. We didn't have a car and were living out in the country. Because of this my ex relied on his dad and spent alot of time with him. I feel like because of the whole family dynamics from being under his Dads thumb, his real self started to appear. Because the emotional abuse started. He started accusing me of flirting with other men right in front of him (I didn't have eye contact with a single person). He accused me of sleeping with all the neighbors. He worked 3pm - 2:30am so he was away from the house quite often. He was convinced that I was living a double life during those hours and after only 1 month of employment, he quits because he doesn't like me being alone during those hours. In his eyes it is my fault.
His controlling behavior started subtly and progressed. He would constantly be correcting me or making decisions for me. He had to have his say about everything. He would say the cruelest things that would shake my core. He would say "I'm never touching you again. Your (private part) stinks. You are disgusting" He said he never loved me just felt sorry for me. He would call me pathetic, stupid, psycho, *****, crazy, ugly, fat. He said several times that he still loved his ex girlfriend and she was more woman then I would ever be. While he tore me apart with viscous words he also would describe wild, untrue scenarios of what I was up to. He said he knew my only goal was to ruin his life. He said he knows I'm phony. That I act dumb but he knows I'm the dangerous kind of smart full of vindictiveness. He would build me up by telling me how beautiful I was one minute and knock me down the next telling me how ugly I was. He always said I would never find a man as good looking as him.
I have so much to say but need to take a breather. More to follow.

3 Hearts

First I want to say I am so so sorry to hear about your story. My heart goes out to you, for being able to escape that. You do not deserve to be constantly mind @$!$#, honestly no one does. I experienced the same thing, and I justifyed it through the drunkenness and his abuse from his dad, like you. But it's just not enough. I know you want to be his hero, but he sounds like he needs professional help if he's ever going to change. You are a brave soul for sharing this, and I hope you know that me and others are here for you. Good luck in your journey.

2 Hearts

What you described is a lot to go through. Are you still living with him?

No, he kicked me out. Luckily, a good friend I went to highschool with lives in the next state over. I am staying with her. Now I have to figure out what to do with my life. I collect SSDI so I live on a fixed income. I am going back to California next week to see my 8 year old son. Nobody in my family will let me stay with them because of the choices I made. I cant afford to live in California anyway. I did so much for this man emotionaly, financially and he just kicks me out knowing all my family is in California.

1 Heart

Hello neverwas,

I am sorry that you are going through this. I cannot speak to what was going on in his mind, but I have identified myself as someone who has been an emotional abuser in his relationships. I can tell you that everything I did was completely out of fear. For me, that created selfishness and hurt, to the point that I was unable to identify where my emotional responses were coming from, and where my actions were coming from. Nothing that I did or said to her in the relationship was her fault. None of it was true, or valid, or justifiable at all. It was all the product of fear, and an inability to recognize clinical depression.

There is no apology that I can make to her now that she deserves. But what I can do is recognize what I did, and why I did it. I think these underlying problems are the case for a lot of abusive partners. Nothing that your ex said or did to you was your fault.

I hope this helps.

3 Hearts

@nymn thank you for your honesty and I applaud you for taking responsibility for your actions. Do you care if I ask you a few questions about how you were in your relationship? I can private message them if there is such a thing on here.

@neverwas Welcome to SG! You will meet many wonderful people here, fondly called SG friends. The bottom of the page is a FAQ, it will assist you in navigating the site. The right - hand corner of this page are numerous groups, familarized yourself with them. You may join as many as necessary. There is an Emotional Abuse group. Be strong the best is yet, to follow.... SG friends are here, to support, and be supported.

1 Heart