This one guy who goes to my school just messaged me out of n

This one guy who goes to my school just messaged me out of no where. I don't really know him, he was in my class last semester but we never really spoke. Guys never show any interest in me, I grew up practically shunned by all the boys who went to school with me. The bullied me and made it painfully obvious they didn't want me around. So when something like this happens I get anxiety and can't stop thinking about it. I've been this way for so long and only now realize that k would react like that because of my OCD. Idk why it's my response but I feel the need to be really dry with him so he stops talking to me because I'm quite scared. I feel like I should be worried and idk why. But now, suffering with HOCD, I'm making myself believe that I'm reacting this way because I'm a lesbian. It makes it even worse that I'm not attracted to him, which only adds to me believing that I'm a lesbian. I just feel like most girls wouldn't be phased by this at all, or would be excited about it. But I feel anxious and it's really triggering my HOCD right now. Does this make me a lesbian? Am I reacting this way because I'm not into boys? I can't calm down please help

Honey, I've rejected many men in my lifetime. I used to worry about what this means. Women dismiss most men because of looks alone, but women are more emotional creatures in that when we get to know them better we become more attracted to them. I wasn't initially attracted to my ex, but after awhile, I fell in love with him. This is normal. Regardless, don't stress yourself over finding a guy attractive or not; it's an OCD compulsion and will only make your anxiety worse. Easier said than done, I know. I'm still working on it myself.

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@Madasahatter but the thing is, he was super nice. I enjoyed talking to him. But I don’t think he’s all that good looking. I feel like such a shallow person by saying that, and I know a lot of people would say looks aren’t everything. But quite frankly, you do need to be attracted to someone physically if you’re going to pursue a relationship with them. Or at least that’s how I see things. But if he has a good personality shouldn’t I be attracted to him? I’m so worried about this, and what if I see him tomorrow in school? I’m overthinking everything and I hate it.

With women, physical attraction tends to build after we have invested time into a relationship. This has been the case with my mother, especially. She was very physically attracted to my father, but their relationship was basically a disaster, with the exception of having me. She recently decided to date again, and the guy she is happily with now was not physically attractive to her intially. In fact, they both were not really attracted to each other, but they got along and became good friends first. Her attraction to him grew and so did his attraction to her. They are no in a very happy and committed relationship. I know you're in a state of panic right now and it's probably difficult to accept what I'm saying, but you remind me of myself. If it turns out you're not attracted to this guy, this doesn't mean anything. If you feel like you want to give him a shot, I'd say go for it, unless it's too much to handle right now because you're stressed, then I would take a break from life for a bit.

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@Madasahatter basically this. Modern dating culture has basically brainwashed and altered people’s ideas and expectations of what’s required and how things are supposed to be. The fact that in media and TV we see it portrayed differently from how it actually is is hard too.

I think it's important to be attracted to the guy you date. Honestly, you can't happily kids someone you're not attracted too. With that being said, the guy you're most attracted too, isn't necessarily the right guy for you emotionally or mentally. Attraction can build over time, or it can wane with time. You can be attracted to your mate one day, repulsed by him the next, and then want him the very next day. We aren't perfect, and we can't expect our desires or love to be perfect either. After the lust feeling wears off, love essentially becomes a choice. Anyways, I've had the exact same thoughts as you, and it's so much easier to tell you this and believe it than it is to apply to myself, but just because you aren't attracted to a guy and you may feel a little anxious about them being interested in you, does not make you gay. Today, a guy talked to me and I experienced a groinal response because I was afraid he was interested.... I always thought I was heterosexual and I've always had crushes on guys, but sometimes I'm just really overcome with shyness. Having hocd definitely blows this situation out of proportion.