This thing asks me how I am....should I be honest?! Since my divorce I don't know who I am anymore. I am in between loving my children and now being a single mother, but also wanting to go out to find myself comfort in a strangers arms....all these mixed emotions and I swear they are bound to get me in trouble.
3 Hearts
I have felt crazy emotions dealing with my husbands affairs. I try to remember to make choices when I am calm, and after I have thought about them. It is so important to not make choices we can't take back we are hurt, scared, angry, resentful.... etc. I am sure the smart you knows this, but I understand your challenge!
I completely agree with wanting to find someone else to just take the pain away! You want to fill that void, and fill it fast! I totally get it. My problem is that Im morally stuck, because I just started reading the bible during my seperation, and would feel bad for doing it! Its real hard! Plus I have 2 kids (10, 16), and if they some how found out, it would not be cool! It also pains me (down to the bones), to even thinky about my stbx meeting someone else!
I understand how you feel. I've felt it, too. But after a long-term relationship breaks up, it's a good idea to give yourself at least six months off from relationships, and probably a year would be better.
I know, it seems crazy to me too. But if you think about it, you need time to reclaim yourself. You need to break the habits and patterns of the relationship that failed. Otherwise you're very likely going to end up re-creating all the mistakes from before!
So I'd suggest trying to be social and active. Love your children. Try new things, if you can: classes, hobbies, exercise, anything to get yourself out of the house and into a new life. Make new friends. But try to avoid romantic entanglements. Your heart has been wounded, and it needs time to heal!
1 Heart
Hello Megangabrielle, I understand what you're saying because I have gone through a divorce although it was a long time ago. After that, I had two long term relationships although I did not get married again. When you say 'you don't know who I am' that sounds like an identity crisis. You used to be so and so's wife and now that isn't your 'title'. I was fortunate to find a support group for divorced people when I got separated. I went every two weeks and it really helped me sort out these strong emotions. I also went to counseling, one on one. That helped as well. Many single moms feel they don't get the emotional support they need. At least that's the way I felt so going to a local family service agency made all the difference. I as able to go back to school part time. I worked part time. I did not feel so totally dependent on one person for 'all my needs'. Also, I did succumb at times to being with a man for the 'loneliness' reasons. But you do not want to harm
yourself like you say and I have done this several times. I wish I'd had more hindsight but I did get through it. I wish you well. I did not return to an unfulfilling relationship or an abusive one. Keep in mind what took you apart so that you can have some control over how your life unfolds and keep working by posting. Reaching out, writing in a journal, there are many outlets for what we're feeling. Most of all, take good care.