Hi everyone . I have been living with panic disorder and agoraphobia for over 15 years now . Ive been to the point where I could barely leave the house and Ive been to the point where I could travel around the parish with my husband . I finally got up the courage to leave my husband and file for divorce a few months ago . Im living on my own now and can drive around town by myself but sometimes I still have panc attacks . Well , today I was scheduled for an MRI and since I cant drive out of town alone , my husband was taking me . About the halfway point , we had to turn around and come home . I even asked him to drive me back to my apartment because I didnt know if I could drive home from his house and he lives about a mile away . I really needed to have this MRI because I was in an accident and need to know whats wrong with me , but I cant seem to even think about doing it without anxiety . Im so sick of missing out on things . On LIFE ! Ive been on Paxil for 11 years and xanax for 3 or 4 . They help but its not enough . I need therapy . Ive had therpay but it hasnt helped . I live in a small town and the nearest therapists are about 15 miles away , the same city I was to go to have the MRI but it takes a small miracle to be able to get an appointment . I sit here day after day , night after night , and wonder when will a good , fun , panic free life begin for me .Its a very lonely world I live in . If it wasnt for my sisters , I would have no one . They are the best things in my life and I love them dearly . They understand what I go through , and for that I am truly grateful . Still , it would be nice to have more of a life . More fun . Some adventure . Instead I see a future of lonliness , boredom and fear . Guess Im just feeling really down today after not being able to go to my appointment this morning . Sorry for the rambling .
Hi Belle,
I sent you a message, I will be around tonight if you want to talk. Missing appts is very easy to do and I understand. It is hard a times. Most people dont understand either which just adds to the stress of the anxiety and panic attacks.
you have had your share of major changes recently! Good for you for getting up enough courage to live on your own! That is a huge change, especially if you were married a long time. How long were you married? I hope you continue to get stronger. If you would like to be support friends that would be great. I sent you an email and friend request.
I too suffer from all of the above.....it is all how we are wired. We just have to learn our own strength. I was told once, that people with anxiety and panic attacks don't know how strong they can really be! If they knew, and they could use their strength to help themselves overcome, they could conquer more than they ever dreamed. !!!!!!
I always think of that. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not. I need help as well.
let's keep in touch ok?
hope to talk more later
Jeanna
Thanks for your post and your message . I would love to be support friends . Been feeling really down since this morning so I will reply to your message tomorrow with my history . Thanks again .
Hey Jeanna . Since you are the only one who replied to my post , I will post this to you . LOL . I did it . I had the MRI today . My shoulder first , then my lower back . Doc told me to take 3 xanax , a total of 1 1/2 mgs and I did . I was dopey and sleepy but I made it there and made it through the tests . Im so glad I was able to finally get it done . I just had to share . LOL
Congratulations Belle! I am proud of you!!!!! That is an extreme thing for us to do....i am impressed ;-) What GREAT news to share!!!
((((HUGS))))
Hi,
Boy does this sound familiar. I struggle from driving and ALWAYS have to rely on a ride from someone. My panic attacks/anxiety/depression have stopped so much in my life. I have been dealing with this for about 3 years.... I'm always SCARED. Scared of the fear itself!!! I will have panic about something I have to do 3 weeks from now!! It rules my life. I'm missing out and can't stand to live like this any longer......... I want to be the old me again. I want to say that making it to your appointment was huge!! You should be soooooooo proud of yourself!! We HAVE to turn everything we can into a positive. Don't feel alone........ I'm so willing to talk and exchange tips if you are interested. Thanks!
Thanks for replying . I know how you feel . Im so tired of fear running my life . But , I have an appointment next week to begin therapy . Im so excited . I feel this will be a big turning point in my life . I am having alot of health problems that I cant face because of the panic disorder . Im hoping with therapy , I can get to the right doctors and be well again . Good luck to you and feel free to message me if you need or want to talk . God bless .
Hi,
I start to see my therapist end of September.... I'm hoping that will help as well. My insurance wouldn't cover for the last year. They were saying it was pre existing so I had to wait a whole year to start again. That really set me back. Are you on medicine at all? I am not. That did not work for me. It made me feel crazier then I already felt. I have to learn to live and be alone. It seems I am not happy unless I am with someone. That is not good. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that I want to do so much with but I am afraid to go anywhere by myself. Everyday at work it's a struggle to be there. I come home I can't wait for bedtime. Anything fun I used to do I could care less about. I don't drink or smoke or drink caffeine anymore. I've tried meds. I mean what else is there?? I could totally loose some weight but I just feel like this is NEVER going to go away and this is going to be my life till I die..... How freaking sad. Some days I just don;t have the strength to take this bullshit anymore...... Any suggestions? And another thing EVERY LITTLE pain or weirdness I feel triggers an attack and I feel like I am dying.... lol lol Even when I say to myself it;s just panic its no big deal it still hangs on stronger then ever..... oh gosh.... I feel like such a Debbie downer right now but man it feels good to vent. Thanks for listening!! God bless you as well.....
Im on Paxil and xanax and they do help .I am the same way with pain or any weird feeling in my body . I freak . LOL . Its part of the condition . Some relaxation techniques that I have found helpful are , counting backwards by 3's from 100 . Its distracting . Of course , there's the breathing exercises . Always remember to breathe out more air than you breathe in or you will hyperventilate . Breathe in and count to 3 . Breathe out and count to 5 . Another one is simply to smile . It releases a chemical in your brain that tells you youre happy and helps block the chemicals released when you panic . Also , try this : Try to have a panic attack . Sit at home , or at work , and really try to have one . You cant . Your brain has already built up a defense . Do it often . It has helped me in the past . Ive had this for over 15 years so I know why you feel this will never go away . I had pretty much accepted that as my fate as well , until I realized how very miserable I was . Im determined to give it my best . I want a " normal " life . I want to travel . I want to go to the store if I feel like it . I want to not let fear determine my future . I hope I have helped you in some way . Keep me posted :-)