Tired, shamed, exhausted, on edge, raw, remorseful, like a failure These are all feeling that can happen with a relapse. Yes there are others I have not named. Each person goes through a range of emotions when they relapse.
Today, I hit my wall, actually it happen a month ago. But it hit the fan today. I had a relapse. A big one. It impacted my life, my family, and others. Today I was held accountable to my actions. I said yes. I said yes I did it. It hurt. It still hurts.. but in the end, I hope I can look back, know I am still working to get better. The day isn't over yet. I have time to work on myself today and I will. I know I have to accept the recourse from my actions as I work on recovery.
To everyone suffering from this addiction, there is hope. I believe we can be better. I hope to prove it all again, that I can be a better person.