To ease the pain

My first time really talking about this part of my life, but its a start. I shared this as part of another post that was referring to our body being a temple, but wanted to share here to possibly receive some comments.
When I was about 13 or 14 years old, I had know way to escape the pain and fear I was living in. I remember taking part of a broke, glass Pepsi bottle in the smoking area at school, and carving into my arm until the dull glas finally broke skin good and I saw blood. It seemed like that released some off the pressure from inside, or bleeding made me realize what I was living in was REAL, not a dream! Everyone else, or so it seemed, had a normal life going on. I spent all day at school, watching the clock, to RUN home, to slowly go to the door at home and knock... I couldn't wait all day to get there, but was scared to death to knock on the door. I was scared she, my mom, wouldn't come. She'd be dead. Everyday I sat in school worrying if my mom was taking her life, while I was reading "Romeo & Juliet". I learned to cut myself at school, while I worried about my mother, then it continued and became a comfort. Now, 40, I have outgrown the self-mutilation, but not the pain inside. I now have skin ulcers on my arms, where I have previous mutilation scars. I am reminded frequently, and scarred badly, to where it now effects my everyday life. The doctors and I have the ulcers healed up, for now, but nothing can be done about the scars and they are very visible. I have a lower self-esteem because they are always there and when open sores are there, it's very painful.
So women, watch the tanning and sun. Put moisturizer on your face. Getting lotion rubbed on you, don't feel too bad, either. Lol... no offense. Thanks for allowing me to share.

From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder