To me this is a first I don't use sites like these. I have b

To me this is a first I don't use sites like these. I have been with my wife for 9 years and married for 2. My wife is Korean born in USA but mother is from there. So we had just had our first kid a beautiful girl Nami she is now 14 months old. After her first birthday my wife my baby my wife's sister and her mother went to Korea to visit family. It was one of them things I never had much say over it was happing no matter what I said. So originally it was suppose to be only 5 weeks but 5 weeks turned into two months. So I was alone no one to talk to, always worrying about my child after all was said and done they arrived back home. Now at this point I'm a lil hurt on the inside because to her it did not seem like a big deal she was gone so long. But two months is a long time to be away for me it was no longer a vacation it was like she was trying to start a new life. So on top of this whole hurt for her being gone so long I found out they were with there cousin the entire time which I was ok with but now I find out that he is not even blood family. And that he had a drinking problem and went out with my wife and sister multiple times and my wife's never drinks yet she drank the entire time she was there. She even told me of a time he raised his hand at her what am I suppose to do about that when he is in another country.And on her text messages every other text says I love you or I love you two when they are talking to each other. What kind of person texts I love you every other sentence and he is also 8 years older then her . I'm so lost and don't know how to talk to her about it with out me sounding crazy
2 minutes ago

2 Hearts

TALK TO HER. I wrote in the other post of yours you double posted my accident.

1 Heart

Yes, talk to her. Be completely honest in how you feel, approach her calmly and let her know your intentions are only good. Maybe she was going through a depression/confusion stage after having the baby and felt like she had to deal with it alone? I hope you find the answers you are looking for and congrats on the baby girl.

4 Hearts

Why my wife is hurting me

She called me fat on our second video call and told me to lose weight so I stoped video calling her.

She wants to go back again asap witch means she can do without me. Never once has she said I needed you there but you were not. All I want is to feel like no one else can take my role as her best friend

She no longer tells me things I find out down the road from other people. She is killing me from the inside out and does not even realize

She uses me without realizing she does. I'm nothing more then a glorified butler who does what everyone tells him to because he does not fit in this household.

I tried to show them how much I cared loved and missed them by doing as much as I could for them while they were gone. I have spent everyday they were gone working on something around the house just to stay busy so I was not unhappy.

Two months she was gone not two weeks or maybe a month but two that's not a vacation that's starting a new life. A life without me.

I've changed so much I feel like I've lost everybit of my personality this family is crushing me my family is crushing me I have no were to go and now I feel like I lost the last bit I was holding on to. I have no say in anything my life is dictated for me by everyone else. I'm just on cruise control now all I can do is give all my love to nami but have ZERO say about anything.

So two days ago feeling sick to my Stomach I looked thru minas phone just to see what or how often they chat can't read much but what I can see are two things. One she talked to him way more then me and two they are both telling each other I love you back and forth and to put the icing on the cake I checked today before we talked and every message with lots of hearts or saying I love you was removed. What am I suppose to think. Now she is hiding things I use to trust her about everything it hurts my heart and stomach to think i no longer can.

So we talked and I felt like a drill Sargent last night. She told me what I would like to belive was everything but how do I know she was willing to lie so easy about everything but the longer we talked the more that came out. She had an emotional affair she said no sex but what am I suppose to think. I feel like I lost my bestfriend. They held hands he touched her they kissed and she said I love you who says I love you without sex being involved I'm at my wits end

1 Heart

Take a deep breath. Wife this, wife that, family this, family that. Everything you are saying, everything that makes you feel bad, all of it is out of your power. You cannot make anybody do anything for you. What you are saying I completely understand. It hurts so much to be unappreciated, especially when you do so much for them. It is the worst feeling. Feeling of uselessness. Women don't even understand the power they hold over a man with their little acts of ignorance, or bigger ones in your case. Its terrible pain, I understand. I am sorry it is the way it is, but such is life. All your attention, all your energy is being put into control of others right now. It makes sense, at first, but it doesn't work. The way things work are a bit counter intuitive. If you want to be loved, you need to love yourself. If you want to give love, you need to feel love inside of you. Bluntly put, your desperation and pain are making you into a hungry wild dog for love and attention and approval, that makes you seem as not yourself, it over shadows your personality, your good side completely. You have to stop. You have to take a deep breath and try to calm down. Maybe take a break and take a change of scenery just to cool off and become more like yourself again. You have to do all what you can in your power to distance yourself from everybody RIGHT NOW and remember who you are, remember what you care about and your feelings. Shake all of this bad stuff away. Just few days or so, its not even much time. Complete change of scenery. What your wife does, it doesn't matter. She breached the code of what wife supposed to do already. Someone who supports and loves and communicates with their husband. Right now there is no wife, maybe wife will return, but if she does, it will have to be a fresh start with new rules anyway, so do not worry about it. Let it go for now, right now what matters the most is getting back the control of yourself, your feelings, and the sense of yourself and pride in yourself. You are a good man. You tried a lot. Now take a break. Think about everything, remember everything, clear your head, see something new, see how others do it. Once all of that goes through your system, go back and talk to her. Once you are back on your feet you will be able to talk about it with confidence and stand your ground. Then take it from there. You might be able to make up, you might not, but in any case you will feel like yourself, and have pride in yourself again. Desperate hungry dog attitude, doesnt make anyone happy. Just be aware that she isn't evil, she might have had reasons for what she did too. Just treat her as a person and talk about it, but that comes later. Best of luck

4 Hearts

@crowjambo thank you so much this advice did help

Can I ask what would anyone else do in my shoes. Are my only two options to make it work or to leave. How can anything be the same again. Am I the fool

1 Heart

@Ace_Firefist I would just confront her on all of this if she can not talk about it then I would think of leaving but that is just me.

It's harder then that I live in a Korean house hold you can not show weakness I still love my wife enough to not put her thru family problems because of us I'm just lost I run there family business I can not take days off with out them noticeing I still love withe. Them and as much as I wanna leave her I feel a urge to protect her

I tried to amend things tonight and tru prying I also found out they made out 6 times she keeps swearing and crying she never had sex with him but how am I to belive it

1 Heart

@Ace_Firefist you dont need to believe her, everything screams no, no no no no. But that is exactly what trust is. If you trust a person, you can go beyond reason and be on their side. If you really want things to be back as they were, you need to trust her, forgive her, move on, accept it all. If you are capable, then you could untie these knots

If you want things to go back to how they were. You have to make some sacrifices. You have to sacrifice your jealousy and forgive her for whatever she may or may not have done with another person, and simply move on. You have to sacrifice your prying, give her her space, trust her again. You have to sacrifice your anger, you have to let it all go, and see it as if nothing happened. Make it be a fresh start. Right now you are blaming her a lot, telling so many things she could do to make it all better, but she wont do it. Honestly, you are doing many wrong things too, out of desperation and pain, but its still bad things. If you want things to get better, you have to get better yourself. You have to act better, cause less pain to her, be accepting of whatever comes, talk and forgive. She may had reasons for doing what she did, she may had reasons for growing distant. This relationship of yours is 50% yours, take responsibility

1 Heart

And what would she sacrifice in all of this if I was to make amends. How do I know it will never happen again. I take responsibility for ever action i do I always have and always will good or bad but to me trust is the relationship. I've seen my brothers marriage fail because of no trust my parents failed for same reason. I will not roll
Over and become a emotionless drone. Pretend to smile around her or her family. I'm done

1 Heart

I am posting just my thoughts no one has to respond.

1 Heart

What I should do.

Leave out of the house never go back if Mina truly loves me she will come once I am ready to forgive and give her another chance

I didnt know for you to live in happiness meant id have to live in misery

All the people in my life that have ever loved me have hurt me how how can I continue to be who I am is being bad or evil that much easier. I will become cold hearted.

Do I deserve better. Should I look for some one better. I don’t wanna be shellfish for nami. I don’t want nami to live without a father never understanding it was never her fault why I left. I must suck it up and never let nami see my true pain. No matter how unbearable it is.

One day I will talk to her and tell her what had happen and let her know To never to do this to someone you love or you will lose them forever either physically or mentally.

It had been 7 days since I knew something was wrong 5 days since she told me what had happened 3 days since she finally told me the truth. How long until something else comes out that she is holding onto. Why can’t she love me for who I am the good and the bad I love her for everything she had never done anything to make me regret our love till now.

What is love a bond, a connection, a feeling you get when they hurt you, the need to protect someone, something you say to make someone feel good, a reminder, a commitment, what is love?

Do you have to love someone to be with them and give them your full attention, when you truly love someone, do you look for it else were?