To weigh or not to weigh

I have mixed feelings about stepping on the scale. I have gone back and forth on the issue. When I was initially in recovery, I refused to get on the scale because seeing a number was such a trigger. I would even go so far as to turn my back when being weighed at the doctors office. After several years of not weighing, I decided it was time to over come my fear of the scale, so I got back on it again. I admit that I do try and control the number, within the bounds that I think are reasonable. But the truth is, I DON'T WANT TO CARE! I DON'T WANT TO EVEN HAVE MY WEIGHT OR CLOTHING SIZE CROSS MY MIND! Even when I exercise, I have many reasonable reasons for exercising, but the underlying reason is to control my weight and size.

I know even normal people weigh themselves and try to maintain a reasonable weight and sometimes restrict their diet and exercise partly for vanity. BUT! SOMETIMES I WISH THE THOUGHT WASN'T EVEN IN MY MIND! Are there people out there who are like that? Is it even possible? I just wonder what it would be like to have a day where my body image didn't even enter my train of thought! I wish I could go back to my childhood and observe my natural brain before it was poisoned with all this crap!

kittykad ..... please forgive me but I am going to cut & paste something I just wrote for someone else. It just seems fitting here.

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We all have a specific calorie goal that we should meet for our age, height and level of activity. Once you learn what your caloric needs are you could create a meal plan to ensure that you are eating healthy. This means you have to plan out your meals in advanced and stick to it.

Please take a look at the following website to learn more about your daily calorie needs:

http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm

If you follow the aforementioned guide and plan out your meals you should be able to relieve yourself of the worrying.

Then, when you stick to the meal plan for a period of time you should find that you are no longer concerned about this as much. Of course this is considered/called “conditioning” and that is a good thing. You are basically changing your thought process about how you look at eating.

Also, put the scale away for now. Get use to not looking at it. The pounds you gain and lose daily have no impact on your overall health or how you look. This is considered normal for your body. Too many people are way too judgmental about the numbers that fluctuate daily. Again, it is normal for your body to do this.
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Good Luck. Please keep us posted of your progress and what you find that works best for you. :)

you accually wrote that to me, and it helped by the way!
what i think is that i feel the same way i don’t want to worry, but i do and what i can say to you i should listen to my self, dont care! it doesn’t matter! just live without that stuff, stay healthy without worrying about numbers and sizes, look past them!!!
i am trying and i have been doing it for one day and i already feel better! hope it works!

As much as it would be nice not to care, sometimes the scale can be used in a healthy way. For me, among other things, it helps me make sure I don't dip too low. I was doing blind weights, too, for a very long time, but my new therapist insisted that I start seeing my weight so that it was less mysterious, so that I had more of a sense of control, and so that I could see that normal fluctuations do not indicate true weight loss or weight gain. Now, with that said, everyone is at a different point in recovery, and I think that at different points it changes as to whether or not it's healthy to know your weight. Take some time to reflect on it, being totally honest with yourself. If you're seeing a counselor, ask them for their advice. A lot depends on intentions. Hope all goes well!