Today I am accepting the fact that I need help in coping with my son's heroin addiction. I'm sure it's every parents' worst fear that this **** drug is one day going to kill our child. My greatest fear almost happened Monday night. He overdosed in our own home. He had gone to the bathroom and after too much time p***ed, my husband knocked on the door and got no response, Immediate panic set in and between the 2 of us, we broke the door in to find our son out cold, non-responsive on the bathroom floor with the needle still in his hand. My husband tried to wake him up while I called 911. The dispatcher told me if he was non-responsive, to begin CPR while the ambulance was in transit. I'm a 49 yr old mom and let me tell you, nothing more scary then hoping you remember the CPR technique when you haven't learned it since you were in high school. So I began CPR on my son while my husband stayed on the phone with 911. I won't lie, in between some of the CPR, I slapped my son yelling at him to please stay with me; don't die on me. After minutes, which felt like a lifetime, he came to. He doesn't recall anything that happened other than seeing police and EMT's standing there. He's refusing rehab...though he's tried it before, but if I'm honest with myself, which I am now...he never showed us true signs of being 'ready' to get clean. So now my fear and paranoia continues. This is a battle that does not go away overnight. He came clean with us just shy of 2 years ago. He got clean for most of 2013. I'm convinced he's used on and off most of 2014. We had him move out when he refused a drug test in Oct 2013. We had him move back in with us in November 2014 when he admitted he needed help. I've learned addicts lie out their ***. They tell you as a parent, what you want to hear. As a mom, I've been thinking mostly with my heart for years and not following my gut. I'm hoping I made the right decision Monday night when I told him by him refusing rehab, that he still was not ready to get clean and because of that, I couldn't continue to live in fear of when there would be a repeat such as this one and that he couldn't come home. I stayed with him at the hospital but found myself having to leave the room often. I know I'm rambling and I think that may be because, as a parent, I need someone who has lived through this type of experience to tell me....did I make the right decision? Am I being selfish?
I am living through this right now with my 34 son and I know the pain and fear you are going through. I know that you feel alone and I am going to start tonight going to support group for parents. You feel what did I do wrong.
Bob, do you offer this to the addict themselves or to the families as well?
Crestview - I need to look up the support groups in our area. Sadly the last time I thought about doing it, seems there were only 2 available and one only met once a month, the other twice a month. My son is 21
My son has been in jail and prison since he has been 18, I blame myself for giving him everything he wanted when he was younger. He has three kids now and does not support the to oldest his girlfriend with the youngest they live together and fight all the time. She leaves and comes back and is also on herion, she went to rehab and came out Christmas Eve. My son has been to NA meeting and has a sponsor and tells me I don’t know how hard it is that it take hold of you and you cannot help yourself. he just got a job p, but never holds one because of drug tests, going back to jail or his temper and quits. I went over last night and he just shit up, sitting here with his eyes closed and it made me sick! I told him do nit call me until you are clean. We have support groups in are town every evening. I was going to a therapist and it did help talking about this. It’s hard to talk to your friends if they have not gone through this.
My 24 year old daughter is at my house as we speak trying to detox on her own. I pray and I hope but I also know the chances of her either not getting through it or going back. I prepared myself a year ago that I would bury my daughter one day from this sick addiction and that all I could do now was tell her I love her and when she's ready for help I am there. She lies continuously and I don't believe a word she says. I asked myself where I went wrong. She was a great student in HS and her 2nd year of college was when I noticed the changes. She has a 3 year old and I hate that she may lose him one day from this addiction. I know they have to hit rock bottom before most will ask for help or if they even do. All I know is I love her and all I can do is take day by day. Just know your not alone and this sux just as bad for their loved ones who for once can not fix it or make it better for them. God bless you and I will keep you and your families in my thoughts and prayers.
thank you shellall. I can so relate to the lies. I remind my son that I do love him so very much but that I hate his addiction and what it is doing to him and all of us. But that at the same time, he is my greatest fear...that one day I will have to bury him and that will kill me. So Monday night...I thought this was it. I'm grateful that he is alive and pray that he finds the strength to turn this around for himself. I know it won't be easy. Does your daughter still live with you?
when I say live with you...I don't mean just thru the detox.
@Mom717 I’m sorry. Everytime I thought I responded it didn’t go through. Using my phone and it doesn’t work to good. She is currently staying here for now. She was kicked out of her boufriends house. She lived with him and her son at his parents house. Her boyfriend and her have been using for over two years. I was always told it was pills they were addicted to. It has been confirmed as heroin, pills, smoking and eating patches or anything to get a high. She was kicked out but the father is still there. She had a Dr who was over two times her age who was supplying her with credit cards cash a brand new car and I even found out he went and purchased heroin for her. I kept waiting for her to hit rock bottom but instead she had the best of both worlds. Her boyfriend, (babies daddy ) new of this Dr. So in my eyes he is pimping her out. The Dr is supposed to be history and has been warned not to contact her. Right now is a day to day asventure with her. She has no phone, no car, (for now) and has lost all trust with us. It’s been over a week now that she is detoxing but she has yet to get deathly sick and I am curious to know why she hasn’t
my son has been in jail too for stealing...which was because of his drug habit. He has stolen from me and other family members as well. I took it very personal when he stole just about all my jewelry (including my wedding band) and none from his father. He did better when he was on probation ...sad to say but when he was on probation, I actually felt more relieved. He too has troubles getting a job because, simply put...he couldn't pass a drug test. So then he becomes discouraged, he uses. That's not his excuse, that's my conclusion in part. I agree that not everyone can really understand what we are going thru unless they have gone thru it themselves. God love the one girlfriend I do have as she went thru it with 2 of her kids. Granted she didn't go thru what I did Monday night, but she does know what this all feels like. Everyone else says the same thing - the 'sorry you're going thru this' or 'let me know if there's anything I can do to help'. They mean well, but let's face it...no one can help. Not even me. And as his mom, that's the hardest to accept. At least for me it is. I am thinking of therapy for myself. Today I have opened up to some other family (those that had no clue that we've been dealing with this for a few years now) and as scary as it was to have to admit something like this...I finally typed the words "my son is a heroin addict". My son was prescribed opiate blockers when he last went to rehab. When he lied about taking them, that's when my gut knew it was a matter of time before things got to where it did Monday. He also battle anxiety. He was prescribed meds for that. He took those a couple of times and then just stopped those too. The meds they gave as an opiate blocker was called Naltrexone. He faked taking them the first couple of days. then on day 3, my other son found the pill in a pair of jeans. He freaked out because he thought it was pain pills that he went back to using. As soon as I saw the pill...I knew exactly what it was. This med sounds like what you (Rainbow) are describing. So it is here in America. But when they refuse to take it - I've accepted that it translates into them not really wanting to quit that **** heroin. SAD!!
My son is still on probation and stil continue the herion. He has ADHD and also Is bipolar. His grandmother has spent over 22,000 this past year in paying fines, and utility bills. He lies all the time about money. There is not a minute of the day that I don't think about him. He also has stolen all my jewelry and ponded it for drug money. His father does not have anything to do with him. I have been remarried for 6 years and my husband does not understand his kids has never did drug. I tell him he is lucky not to deal with this problem. I am so scared that my only child will die from drugs or be in prison the rest of his life.
@Crestview Your son needs to be in an in patient ward either in a hospital setting (if he is on your insurance or State insurance) or in a rehab. to get him on meds. for bipolar disorder. Without meds. people who are bipolar wreak havoc on the lives of others and take advantage of them. My grandfather, cousin, uncle and ex/late bf are all bipolar and all were on meds. Before they found the right med. it was chaotic for all. I recommend you stay away from his life if he does not get help - at least counseling. I am sorry about this because he is your son and I am a parent, too, but don’t let the drugs and the disorder take you down with him like he’s taking down his grandmother. Best wishes.
Crestview...sounds like we are sailing in the same boat. The only difference is we have not had to spend the amount of money your family has. Two years ago when he first told me of his drug addiction, we bailed him out of legal issues ...but then a dear friend of mine told me "don't keep doing it...you will regret it". So I pick and choose what I "help" with. Recent example: my son opened several credit cards and maxed them out so now he's got about 7k in debt. I don't know if he shared it with me thinking I was going to help with paying it...but instead I told him "don't worry about the debts right now. Worry about getting yourself stronger and those can be repaid and you can rebuild your credit over time". It bothers him that he made a mess of his life but last night I had a ray of hope shine down. When he was in rehab the last time, he refused the extended 30 day program. I know this is in part because it was right before the holidays. But they prescribed him medications and he just refused to take them. Last night he called me asking if he could stop home to pick up his meds. I only asked him if it was to help him thru the withdrawals and he said "no, I want all of them". This includes the anxiety meds and opiate blockers. I know that addicts lie...they say what they know we want to hear. But a part of me is giving him some benefit of doubt because when he came over, he couldn't look us in the eyes. He said nothing. I asked if he wanted to talk, he just said "not now". I got wind that he told my sister that it seems his only choices was rehab or be homeless. I know he wants to come home but I put rules on it. I'm trying to remain strong and set the boundaries like it was suggested to me. And trust me, as you probably know too....it's not easy. I'm sorry you're going thru this nightmare too. I think that's why I joined this group. Looking to make some type of connection with others too :) I share the same fears you do. As I mentioned, I honestly thought Monday night was 'the' night. And I'm thanking God every morning and night since then that he is giving my son another chance. I will say a prayer for you and your son too!!!
Hopefully your son will get help, as a parent this we would give anything for them to change. It's hard to understand why they do drugs in the first place. All we can do is hope and pray they stop before it is to late.
@Crestview Very good question on the whole “WHY”. A couple of months ago I attended a county meeting for narcotics task force. I felt I had to educate myself more than just reading about this addiction. It was hard to ‘hear’ some of the things they had to say. But some of it, I already knew from reading…just felt different to hear a group of people say it where you’re sitting there and now having to ‘accept’ it all. If that makes any sense. Low self esteem plays a huge factor in this drug coming into our children’s lives unfortunately. Hope and pray - and for me, this has been hell week with a lot of crying. Prayers for you too. And thank you for sharing.
Mom717: I would recommend doing an intervention with the immediate family and significant others, if any, (no other people abusing drugs should be present). If he refuses, I would tell him he has to find other living arrangements and nobody in the family should be giving him any spending money as he will use it for drugs. He will either get clean or die. I hate to say that because he is your son. My bf is on pot/alcohol most nites when not working and refuses to get help and is living with family who co-depend. I, too, learned CPR in high school - almost had to use it on bf, but he started breathing on his own. My heart goes out to you.
@Baldwin : I’ve thought about an intervention. I assume you’ve done this with a loved one? How exactly do you conduct though so that it’s “helpful” to him, not pushing him further away. As to other living arrangements, right now I had him leave so he’s back to staying with his gf and her family. I feel awful about that part because I feel like I dumped his problem onto another loving family…
I feel like my whole is falling apart.
Does anyone know anything about the shot given monthly to stop using herion?
@Crestview I don’t know about a shot, but the rehab center did give him a prescription - it was an opiate blocker that they have to take daily but only after they’ve been clean for 10 days. With him coming here the other night to pick up his meds, I’m hoping that’s a sign that he’s going to get clean and start taking them.
Mom717: My significant other's family staged a mini intervention at the hospital and home. He stormed out. He's taking care of a family member who does not know about one of his addictions and yells at him for the beer drinking. The family member has thrown him out twice and lets him back in. This will not end until the family member passes away - should be interesting. I am just staying home and out of the drama and he arrives when sober. It is an awful thing what we are going through. Watch video of the show Intervention on line on A&E's web site and, if you cannot afford a therapist/interventionis, just have the family take turns reading letters/setting boundaries as to how the person's addiction has affected them and how they will not assist the person anymore, i.e., giving money and shelter - until the person is clean and sober for a period of time and attending meetings, counseling, hospitalization or whatever they choose. Narcotics Anonymous is free, but I hear it's very dramatic and AA is less so.
@Baldwin I heard the same thing about NA vs AA. My son used to go to NA meetings and for a while there, was faithful about going. Then a while back he stopped. When I asked him why, he said because topics kept being about a higher power and God. My children weren’t raised with any religion. Talk about another hot topic. Overall, I believe in God just don’t go to church and haven’t since I was a teenager. My husband was catholic but by time I met him, he just wasn’t a religious person either. I never stopped believing in God though. But I could understand why it was hard for my son to sit for an hour over and over as others talked about a topic he cannot relate to. The money train stopped here. When he says he needs cigarettes, I buy them and bring them to him (when he moved back in November). But in just a few short months, he’s snuck out one night using my other son’s car (to get drugs) …he’s used my husband’s car while we were out food shopping…so now we all were hiding our keys. I always have my purse where I can see it whenever he was here/home. And I would take it to my bedroom when it was time for me to go to bed. Tonight I’ll take your advise and watch that show. Maybe it will give me some added strength…sounds like I’ll need a box of tissues too 
Thanks for sharing with me though. I really do appreciate all this feedback.