Today I decided to claim some positivity. I spoke out loud whilst driving to work all the things I have hopes for. I said them in the present tense and said thank you. I was a little late to work due to some slow traffic but I wasnt concerned as it was a few minutes.
When i got there I saw another coworker waiting to go in. They had not unlocked the door. After about 15 minutes we finally got let in and of course we got to set our clock in time to 8 am because we were waiting around so hey I want actaully late. Blessing number 1!
I had not slept well and I was looking a bit haggard but I said to my reflection, God loves you and you can be a blessing today in some way.
I am surrounded by mirrors at work. Sometimes I don't recognize myself. My smile looks sad now. But i got busy and prayed under my breath the whole time. God is good and something good is going to happen to me today. I prayed that my boys would be happy I prayed my.husband would get rest and make good choices. I prayed for peace and to feel some iota of happiness. Mainly I prayed for comfort.
I reached down deep to bring up some light hearted humour with customers. It wasn't easy. All I could think was" try. Try to find some semblance of who you are and bring it out" let me.assure you the shopping public isn't always sunshine and roses.
But it was alright. I kept peeking in my little book of Scripture for women. I kept looking at my.boys' photos I keep in a drawer. I didn't let my mind start to wonder about what my husband might be doing at home on his phone.
I said God i trust you. Please bring me peace and bless whatever I do today and forgive me because at some point I am going to panic again or become a wash in despair.
I am usually my chatty Irish self. Today I was just in my zone of calm. Sadness did threaten to seep in. I thought a b out music. I thought about my.gardens. I even thought about some menial housework I'd do when I get home. Then I was thankful. Thankful for my home.
After days of massive breakdowns I had a day of peace. When i got home my husband and oldER son were atbthe dining room table. He seemed in a better mood. I didn't ask why I just got to making dinner. I was tired but remained pleasant. Then on the couch whilst he flipped thru a hundred tv channels he actaully reached for me to lie next to him. I choked back tears and gratefully lay there. Quiet and thankful.
Many thoughts tried to cross my mind. But not today were they going to spoil my moment. Not today. I was almost feeling normal. Like nothing had never happened.
Keep it up. It's hard to quiet the mind, but you're doing it. Pay more attention to yourself like this and bother less with how everyone else is thinking/feeling. It will become natural after a while. I'm glad you had a good day.
So sweet. I loved this. You are like me. Hopeful and loving in spite of a crazy mixed up, sad world. Oh how I love your faith. Such strength in this kind of faith. Miracles and peace for the taking. You are such a gift to your family and everyone who is lucky enough to encounter your sweet spirit. Your customers are lucky. Your hopefulness is catching. Sending you strength, hope, many gentle ((hugs)) as well. God's peace each and every step in your journey.