Today is her birthday and I'm voiceless. Hard to imagine that the ability to do something as simple as say happy birthday could hurt so bad when it's gone. Tried to check out on booze last night but obviously I failed.
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What are you doing for yourself today?
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Drinking at 7 am before work. ..does that count?
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@SimplyShawn303 could you be kind to yourself and put that bottle down? call a friend or something? or watch a funny video? or focus on one nice thing you can do for yourself. It’s very hard right now… but one tiny step at a time.
Hang in there! To feel so hurt means you are a human being and that you are able to care for someone deeply. So good for you! Now you just have to find away to not let the depression change you into someone you don't want to be. You don't have to be all better any time soon. Just pick one thing that you want to do that is something that is bigger than the hurt. Telling her happy birthday may not be it. If she hurt you, then you dont have to say it. Maybe next year. I didn't get my husband a valentines,because I was to hurt still to make an effort to share my feelings. All you have to do to day is get through today. That is it.
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Talk here for a minute. Instead of covering your hurt with drinks, get it out here, you will be heard :) and we all can understand.
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Well I wrote the alcohol policy for my company so I'm in no danger there. I never thought it would come to this...my birthday was two and a half weeks ago and I heard nothing from her and here it is hers and I'm shackled. I don't understand how two people who shared love for so long could become estranged. I don't wanna ask her to come back or anything like that, I just want to tell her happy birthday.
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@SimplyShawn303 That’s smart of you to write that alcohol policy. There are many things we will never understand and right now, it is even more difficult. If you just want to tell her happy birthday, just send her a text? and then get yourself some breakfast please. and look at the sky. It’s a new day. New possibilities. And happy belated birthday!!
If you want to then do it. If you can be nice past your hurt, then that is great. Maybe do it by email or text so you dint have to deal with talking to her. When I feel really low, I try to think about what the smart me would do without so many hurts in the way. It is important not to let our feelings take over or actions. That is when our choices often aren't the best.
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Nope...cant text her.. staying away was the last promise I made her and the only one I can keep
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Then write it out. Write what you would say to her. Get it out of your system for you. You are grieving a relationship and your heart isn't ready to stop caring and that is ok.
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Jenn is right. Write it out in a journal, write a letter or something to express yourself. It helps to be around understanding people right now too.
Also try writing good thoughts in one place and negative in another. Re read good thoughts to keep you moving forward. Do6int re read the negative.
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I really appreciate the kind words and advice. Fact of the matter is that this is going to be an incredibly long day for me. I could try every coping mechanism in the psychiatric book but it will not change the circumstances. I'm in a lot of pain today and we'll see if I make it through it.
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Yes it will be a long day. Write here anytime you need. free space! Your circumstances won't change that soon, but you will become better with the passing of time. take care bud
I've really been there. I've often wished that there was some sort of psychological emergency team where you could go when your life falls apart; they could sedate you a bit, get you into a quiet place, take care of you and support you, and help you build a new life.
Unfortunately I don't know of any such service. Hang in there! It WILL get better.
No....it wont. I've been on an 8 year decent. Unfortunately, I can data plot my life over the last decade and it's an actual linear regression. We poker players have a saying, hell we have a number of em but the most profound is when we say we are "down to the felt". That's when there's nothing in front of you but the table. Things will not get better, at least not by my standards. I just need to gain the skills to cope with that fact
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@SimplyShawn303 if things aren’t right, then change will bring something different with the possibly of something better. Keep looking for the little pieces of better until that start adding up to things being a lot better.
It is good that you are realizing to day will be rough for you. So focus on getting past one minute at a time. Is if it takes chasing on here or doing some little task to distract you. And if you need to feel like crap for a little bit,then feel like crap. But the start again getting past the next chunk of time.
You have to have some faith some good will start to come. But you have to see if through the negative, which is hard when you feel so low. But you have to keep your eyes open for good things happening. Don't let your hurt hide it from you.
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