Today marks five months, five month of loneliness, five month I never imagined I'd ever have to go through, and it just keeps getting harder. It seems like it's been years since I've seen him, what I wouldn't give for a great big hug and to hold his hand, just sit here and hold his hand. It's been really bad today, can't sleep, can't stop crying, while I appreciate those who are here for me, they do not understand that it is not the same, I hate hearing them say, just know you aren't alone, I'm not, but I am in so many ways, I can be surrounded by 1000 people and still alone. I lost my first best friend 11 yrs ago august and he is the only other person I could use right now and I can have him or my true love and best friend. I feel like at 32 I was the luckiest woman in the world to have true love, I mean love story romance movie kind of love, love we didn't need to work for and trusted our everything with, I'd have married him the day I met him and never looked back. I also have lots of people in the community "here" for me, but as far as close friends, not many because we ran a business and had three little ones and were so content we kind of filled our lives with each other and over time lost super close friends, I have friends, but not super close to dump everything on. Not to mention we've been together so long and I moved here from home so I didn't keep in touch with many, but my friends were all guys, so the ones I've kept in contact with a few are trying to be the for me, but I feel guilty talking to them, I can't explain it, we talked while he was still alive they were all invite to our wedding and such, but I talk a little while then clam up feeling guilty. I just am all lost and can't sleep, then I feel guilty because part of the reason is because we had a very active sex life and when ever either was stressed or upset it was even more active as a stress reliever. Sorry to ramble I just had to vent somewhere for a bit
So sorry for your loss. I cant imagine what that would be like.
My heart aches for you...
its been close to 4 months since I lost my husband of 23 years.
your story is very similar to mine except we had no children together. Bobs 3 children are all grown and have family's of their own, and all live in another state.
I am very lonely and sad most of the time also..Jeez, Bob would be so upset seeing me like this. I started working from home about a year ago, so I could be with him. now I still work from home and its so hard. I don't feel like I ever get away from the isolation.
Sorry for your loss There isn't a way away from the isolation, my husbands was very sudden, no illness, I take our girls to the park, but we were there today from 10am - 7pm and just left for lunch and then I'm alone too the kids are playing
I have a bunch of make friends that I was friend with most my life, I don't want to dat, but it early want to go to dinner or a movie with some of them, just to not feel so alone, but I can't
Hitch I feel as you do, there can be a million people around and I am still alone. for me this will be my life a accept that, My husbands death was not anticipated and did not get to say good -by, If only I could turn back time, I look at a calendar every day at work and I see the months / days prior to his death and circle them wanting those dates back again, it hurts for me to know there will never be those moments shared by husband and wife again, for me it will be just memories, I listen to his voice and look at his picture but it is the touch I miss and can not replace. God Bless Bing123
I am reading this, unable to sleep. So much of what you put on here, almost a week ago, is what I am experiencing. Today marks 5 months and I am surrounded by family most of the time, yet the loneliest in the room. He was my best friend and the only person that I could speak my mind. Living with family since his death has been a help, yet at the same time the loneliest, because I have been the polite guest. In the next month, our youngest will be leaving for college and her new life. I am excited for her, but I feel like someone else is leaving me and that leaves just me and my thoughts because my family is grown. I should be looking forward to move on and move out of my families house, but at the same time scared. I seem to be rambling, so I guess my dilemma is why do we have so many conflicting things going on right now(ie.room full of people/lonely; happy/sad; moving on/stuck in past) Will this get better because the loneliness is getting worse?
Right now it's getting worse for me too, I think there are so many conflicting emotions because we've been turned upside down and inside out. I'm coming uo on my little ones kindergarten graduation and can't stand the the is t here, I can't imagine their high school grads and them leaving, sorry for your loss, I'm here to chat whenever it helps you .
@Hitch I feel the same with your situation, I wouldn’t know how to handle myself with small ones to tend to all day. I have my waves of emotion throughout the day and my daughter knows why and gives me space. Little ones don’t understand why mommy is sad as teenagers can. It does help to have others that know what it is like to feel conflicted and not feel like the only person dealing with this. My thoughts are with you and your family tonight. Gives my thoughts a break on my own situation.
All I can say is it gets easier in some ways but the heart never heals.
I am very open and honest with mine, in ways they are more understanding than some adults might be eventually. They will never tell me to get over it or anything like that, when I am crying or just sad they say they miss daddy too,me have been open with them from day one so now I still am and it has been very helpful. They inspire me to stay strong, because they are. I told them I wished I could have a movie date and our middle one said she would take me, I told her I'd love a movie date with them, but it was different and I wanted to see grown up movies that daddy would take me to and they were to young the movie theater wouldn't let them in, our middle then said "I'll take you in a date to a grown up movie and I won't say any of the bad words they sway in it, you just have to go on a date to a drive in so you can hide us in the back so they don't know kids are at the grown up movie" gave me a giggle :)
Hitch I agree that being honest with the kids is the right thing to do, however I would caution you to avoid such things that they themself can not repair or provide ie: Adult Movie maybe ( And this is just my opinon ) you may want to tell them that you can go to the movie with an adult friend or family member, I say this because I myself have been through a simular issue, it is so hard for children to try and make us happy that's all they want to do, you are obviously a great mother and I can only wonder how I could bear the pain and responsibilty you are faced with every day, what a balance of emotions, there must be times when you feel so bad that your husband is going to miss out on the kids milestones, I understand as I have the same feelings as far as that goes, I want to tell you that I admire your fortatude and know down the road the kids will reveal how proud they are of having you as their mother. God Bless Bing123
Thank you and they aren't even allowed pg13 ;)
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