Hello,
Today was my brothers 21st birthday. It was fun. My mom and I got up really early, for me it was 8am and for my mom she got up at 7am. We drove from Washington state to Salem, Oregon in 5 hours. We stayed at my brothers house in Salem for a while. He offered me an energy drink which I took cuz I am a caffeine addict. then, we went out to eat at Red Robin, I ate a huge hamburger patty(without the bread because Im allergic to wheat) and I had some fries. I went to the bathroom and wanted to purge but, didnt because it was my brothers birthday and that would upset my mom and him and his fiance who ate with us. So, we left and went back to his house. I knew I still could have purged but his place is small so, he would have known. So, I kept the food down and it has been painful for me. We are driving back to Washington, 125 miles from seattle.
I went on an all liquid diet yesterday all day until I had to take my meds whiich I have to eat 350 calories with it. I ate that much and 3 hours later, I had some cereal with 1 cup of rice milk. I think I did well. I could have refused my meds and could have gone to bed last night without eating all day. But, then I would have heard voices and been very paranoid.
The good thing is that I took my meds that I have to eat with with dinner at red Robin and so, I dont have to eat anything else tonight, unless I want to.
For the last 3 days, when Ive eaten, Ive had 3 tablespoons of Miralax right after Ive eaten. I dont know if that rids my body of the calories but, it helps me feel better. And last night, I couldnt take the MIralax because I waited too long after I ate to remember to take it. So, I cut myself because I was angry with myself. My mom doesnt know that I cut myself but, I will tell her.
I need advice on how to get through this night with eating all that I did. I will weigh myself tomorrow and I know my weight wil be raised because of todays food intake. Then, I will not eat until I lose those pounds I gained + some. I go from one extreme to the other all the time. But, I want to get better so any advice would be good.