Today I feel really good. Too good I guess. Right on the border of going into an intense hyper mania I guess I could call it. Haha, no wonder I never feel a need to do drugs. You could sell the chemicals my brain produces naturally and on an almost daily bases for a small fortune. 1) I feel so heard and cared for on this site right now 2)my little brother and I are talking daily even though he is on the other side of the planet and we are getting on like gangbusters 3)I am completely sucked into a new computer game where the community is fun and nice... Just, as you read this, cross your fingers or whatever for a moment if you wouldn't mind that I can just f**king reign it in before I do something awful because I loss control of how literally- insanely, good I feel.
On a second note, now, holding it in so hard, writing about this, I feel I might throw up, my stomach is in knots, my visions going blurry, my head is light, my skin was vibrating so hard but now it's feeling numb like I've drank way to much and instead of feeling happy like I should "while drunk" I feel cold and at first tired and heavy but now completely blank. Not numb or empty, just blank.
This is the first time I have ever kept control like this before I messed up and got the release I seem to seek through humiliation. Using it like ice water to the face. Thank you for listening/reading. I hope now that I can go do some cleaning that I have been putting off for a few weeks.
Thank you so much for the wonderful updates; on the one hand, I love that you are feeling so good; I think that it's so wonderful that you and your brother are so close and communicating so frequently. And, that you have such a fun game that you are into. Also, I'm thrilled to hear that you are feeling the love here. On the other hand, I am so sorry that you are feeling bottled up and ill; is there an activity that you can do to help yourself through this? Is there something else healthy/positive that can help you release, such as exercise?
Thank you! I really look forward to your comments because they are so nice and insightful! It's just, a little, and I mean little goes and very loooong way with me. It's like all these nice things just over load my emotions (also when they are bad things), and go to my head till I am flying way to high off it. I really am learning control though. That's what I believe I did today. Controlled it. So those awful feelings I talked about, I really think they were withdrawal. But because it wasn't a traumatic situation, and I was so determined and distracted by writing this- well I literally went through all of that in 5 minutes... maybe 10. Over the past few hours I can feel these (and the bad alternately) emotions get triggered and begin again so I am working really hard to pace my emotions now. Pace my thoughts and stay in that safe blank state of mind.
Also your question made me think of something... what can I do? Something emotionally neutral and unimportant or distracting so I can neither get a high or low off it. I think (intense) exercise (then a calm bath) is a very good idea! I hope you are having a very pleasant day!
Thank you so much for your kindest and sweetest words, they put a huge smile on my face :-) I am so proud of you for better controlling your emotions today, I think that if you can practice this a bit everyday then it will become second nature to you. As well, I think that exercise is a great way for you to help manage and get through some of that bottled up energy, though maybe try to do it in moderation. For me, everything in moderation is the way to go, this way you don't experience too many extremes in terms of emotions.
You are very welcome!!! I mean them sincerely :) Thank you now maybe I can remember your words to motivate me "Coooooome on girl! Get up off your lazy flabby butt and GET MOVING!!!!!!!!!" lol I might actually need to say that a little louder to myself so I know I mean business ;)
You are too funny and made me laugh out loud with your last comment, thank you for that :-)
Yes, it's all about self-motivation, which isn't always easy. But, I always think about how I feel after I get done and that gets me moving. It's any little bit that really adds up. I'm always here for you if you ever need motivation.
Again, I'm sorry I've taken so long to respond. I'm so glad I could make you laugh!! I still haven't quite gotten through to myself about how serious I am but the weekend should be nice and I will go outside ******! That is such a good way to think about it!! I do feel so good when I do it. How are you doing today?
Please don't ever apologize, I understand how busy we all get. It's so great to hear from you. How was your weekend? All is well on this end, I had a very mellow weekend which is exactly what I needed. Thank you for asking :-)
Thank you for understanding I’m so glad to hear that you had such a good weekend! I actually just asked and answered you in another post so you can disregard it if you like so you don’t have to answer twice! lol
I’m so glad to hear that you had such a good weekend! I actually just asked and answered you in another post so you can disregard it if you like so you don’t have to answer twice! lol