Tonight and for many nights I cannot sleep. I have 6 1/2 years of abstinence and about a year of sobriety from my sex and porn addiction. My wife stayed with me after I confessed my infidelity to her, but after 6 long years my hopes of restoring our marriage have been crushed. I feel completely unloved. My wife says she loves me but is not in love with me anymore. It is driving me crazy. I know I am lucky to still have her in my life, but I feel so alone at the same time. To lay next to her each night is torture knowing my feelings for her are no longer feels for me. And Yes, it is all my fault.
Yea. That sucks. My wife/ now ex-wife left after I got hurt but we were in need of counseling before I got hurt. It’s been 24 years. She is married. I am divorced again. That second marriage was a waist of time. I still wish we could have worked things out. Too late now. BUT maybe you could talk to a professional and maybe he or she could get you and the wife in a process to regain your love.? Best of luck.
Maybe your marriage needs a reboot, because there is a lot of baggage that need to be erased. A fresh start might help you. We attended a weekend marriage seminar called "A Weekend to Remember" at https://www.familylife.com/weekend-to-remember/ which is held in many locations all over the US. Check it out, it might help you as it did many of my friends, even one who have already planned separating. They explain a lot of truths that married couples do not even see. My eyes were opened and our marriage got stronger and it is still going decades later.
Thanks for your support. Dies the group talk about addiction and the impact on the marriage?
They mention things and behavior that can badly affect the marriage on the talks but for more specific issues and concerns they have counselors there who can address these concerns.
How are things going today? Have you talked with your wife about how you are feeling? Have you ever talked to a therapist about the issues in your marriage, your affair, etc? I did attend therapy and found it very refreshing. it was great, i have finally learned to love myself first, it has made a better person of me and helped me to be a better person to my wife and kids.
I've tried several therapists in the past with little success but I am actively looking to find a new one to try. We had a great Saturday out. On Sunday we had a painful but very needed convo about an unresolved question/source of anxiety for her. After 7 yrs trust is still a huge issue. Need to figure out a way to earn it back from her.
@Richard68 glad you had that conversation. Trust is a two way street, you need to earn it and she needs to be telling you how your actions make her feel and vis versa. Just because you lost hers, does not mean she should be able to walk all over you. You are a human being, same as her. Now you can certainly work hard on your end, but if she does not respond to you, give feedback, it is more of a one way street, aka communication. That is not how trust is built. Just my thoughts on trust as i have worked hard with my wife also regarding the issue and we had to talk about trust and rebuilding it all, and communicate more about everything.