I have only been married for a year an a half...my husband and I have been together for a total of 6 years. When we were dating we didn't always have a stable relationship always breaking up and getting back together. I guess the unstable relationships are the hardest to leave since I will always have hope that things will work out.
I am turning 23 this weekend and thought of being divorced so young makes me sick. My husband has ignored me for the past three months, not one nice word or one ounce of affection. Whenever I would ask him if he wants to be married or work on things all he would say is I don't know, I don't know and ignore me or verbally abuse me.
I have been going to counseling for the past two months and have asked him to attend but he won't. I have never felt so much pain in my life. I feel like I have been crying for two months straight. The papers haven't been filed but he says he is going to next week, so I am still hanging on to hope that he will want to work on this marriage.
During this crisis I realized the importance of having friends, they help you get through the hard things and I don't have many because I am more of a reserved shy person. This is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I have my ups and downs Some days I am angry, some days I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Why! How could someone that I love so much just throw everything away without really trying.
I am just so lost and sad. Please give me advice to get through this!
Am proud of you for not letting him choose life for you but you taking control of your life & choosing what & how you want a healthy relationship to be IF you choose to have one in the future.
Pull something positive out of this experience by utilizing what your learning to take with you to the next relationship when YOU are ready.
I am so sorry you are going through this! I truly am! I say this because I am in the same situation. I feel all those emotions, and more and want to go find a hole in wall and not come out for a year.
I was married for 22 years and my wife did the exact same thing! She moved out 4 days ago and I am beyond devastated! I did seek counseling, just like you, and start today.
My only advice that I can give you is this, I am giving my wife space, all she wants. That being said, it's the hardest thing I ever had to do. I won't call or text, I want to I just can't. My hope is when she finally gets on her own, I do know for a fact at some point, she is going to miss me. I think if you just give a little back to your husband as he is giving you, it may help a little. You can't make anyone go to therapy, so don't try. YOU keep going!
Men feed off of woman's emotions, and if he feels or knows you are devastated he has total control over you. By taking that away, he is forced to look at himself and he will realize you are going to be ok without him, and he very well may change his mind.
Good luck and keep doing what you are, I cry everyday too and I don't think I will ever get over it...never. But I do know whether I am ready or not, life will always go on!
YES men Do feed off of womans emotions I wish there were more men out there like you Jadna. I think you are taking wise steps in dealing with your situation.
Sarafina
I was in an 18 yr marriage before the marriage we had many break ups ...only taking him back each time he hurt me gave him more power and control over me.. It took me too many yrs after being abuse in every form emotionally sexually financially I realized I was losing myself . I also agree with April Pull something positive out of this experience by utilizing what your learning to take with you to the next relationship when YOU are ready.
Crying is grieving and a normal feeling to have in all of this..but know that you will gain strength in time and be a stronger person.
I agree with you AG, we could use more men like Jadna!
Sarafina, you are still so young that, even if it doesn't feel like it right now, you're lucky to be the age you are, not have had any children yet to be in the middle of (maybe, it's not for sure yet) divorcing parents, and finding out that maybe the man you married simply doesn't have it in him to go the distance with you. It hurts something awful, we can all agree on that I'm sure....all your feelings are normal and crying bouts come out of no where, then you feel like you've pulled yourself back together a little bit, and then here comes another one....the roller coaster ride...BUT keep remembering you have your whole life ahead of you, you have tried and tried, offered marriage counseling, and if he doesn't want to try too, stick with what you're doing for yourself right now....going to counseling and working on saving yourself. Your husband most likely will feel threatened pretty soon when he sees that you are getting stronger, not weaker, and you will survive this with or without him....basically like Jadna said.
You deserve to have love and happiness and you will, if he's not careful, he will lose you and he will find out what most men learn too late....the grass is not greener on the other side. I wish you the very best outcome and keep us posted on how you're doing. Lots of hugs to you Sarafina! Sunshine!