I want to be touched I want to enjoy a relationship - but I am afraid to be touched. I don't look at men & back away from them. but how can this feeling change? I feel it won't change for me as much as I would like it too. I have been married for 25 years and recently divorced. It was an abusive relationship. I was also abused by my brother (sexually) and father (physically and emotionally)
I want to know if this is something that will just not be for me---trusting and the feel of a true sensitive touch and relationship.

I am so sorry to hear about all the heartache you have had in your life but your ability to love will come back it just takes time. It took me four years after my rape before I was ok with being with a guy alone let alone able to enjoy a relationship and it took me six years before I even addmited what had happened to me. Luckaly now I have a supportive and loving husband who has helped me start to heal realy heal from the inside out. You can find that too. It will just take time for you to find that person that you once were the person who had trust in her fellow man, the person that believes that she deserves happyness. Please dont be discouraged and if you are just remember my favorite quote " What doesnt kill you makes you stronger". You are a strong indipendent women and you will make it through this just as I did. Email or message me any time you need someone to talk to.


blackhole, your story sounds almost exactly like mine, only difference is I've been married only three years before escaping that hell and it was my mother who was the physical/emotional abuser.
I wish I had more encouraging words for you as I am going through the same struggle - all I can say (for what it's worth...) is: I feel for you, you're not alone in this! - I hope that with the support of a councelor or group you can begin working on healing and regaining your trust! It's possible! Hugs.