As many of you know, for the past two months or so I've been debating whether or not to go to treatment. Of course, I have had a billion reasons why not to. Although most of my reasons were just excuses ED was creating, lack of health insurance was a valid concern. Well, I found out that because of the new health care bill, I will be able to go back on my father's health insurance in two weeks. So that's not an excuse any more!
As much as this kills me to admit, I can't do this on my own. I'm miserable. THe anxiety that I feel every time the scale creeps up at all is unbearable. Although I'm sticking to my MP sometimes, it is really hard and I frequently have days where i go back to restricting. And I still haven't gained any weight. So I need treatment.
Also, my mother, who has been struggling a lot with alcoholism over the past few years, is leaving for 90-day rehab in Atlanta on Monday. She's my best friend and I think both of our disorders feed off of each in a lot of ways. The fact that she had the strength to take a risk and get help inspires me. If she can do it, so can I, right?
So Monday I am going to start calling some treatment centers. My therapist just emailed me a list of places she recommends, so I have some good options. I'm sooooo scared to make this step, but I need to! I am going to try my best to talk myself out of it again!
Chelsea! I'm so glad you are serious about this...everytime ed tries to talk u out of seeking IP I need you to remember how brave and strong your mom is <3
You are taking a beautiful and courageous step towards recovery! Congratulations! Don't give up, you are almost there :)
chelsea,
I hear your fear but I also hear your concern for yourself and that is a wonderful thing to hear.
Chelsea:
I give you all the credit in the world. Getting help is the best thing that you can do. You will be so glad that you took this step!
You have inspired others who know that THEY need to get help! I have gone to counseling a three different times in my life...each for 2 or more years at a time. It save my life!
Good for you! Stay strong!
Steve
Thanks guys! I'm sooooooo ready to be done with ed. I'm less enthusiastic about treatment today, but I've decided that Chelsea is not going to let ed win on this one!
Chelsea,
I'm smiling for you! ♥ So glad you're taking this brave step! Treatment is something you'll never regret giving yourself. :)
Love,
Jen
****** jumps for joy********
yea!!!!!!! OMG i am sooo happy you!!!!!!!!! ah! thats the chelsea i know and love! you can do this, i am! it is hard, but things we want in life arent easy! and this ED can be overcome!!!! yea!!
love you!
oh, and i love love love your new pic, you are butiful!
i am so happy for you!!!!!!
love ya !!!!
maureen
Chelsea, it sounds like going to treatment is exactly what you need right now. I understand that you're scared and anxious about it but you owe it to YOURSELF and YOUR BODY to get healthy again (that is physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy). When you have your moments of doubt about treatment remember that it is the ED talking and creating that doubt. It is the ED not you thats afraid of treatment. Its the ED not you that doesnt want you to take steps towards getting better, and every time you take a step in the RIGHT direction the ED is going to attack. Don't let it win again. You are stronger. You can beat this. Treatment is the first step. You are worth it.
All the best, thinking of you xx
chelsea, im so pleased you're seriously loking into IP now. ive been wondering what happened to it all!
let us know what you find out about it!!
lots of love
maedi