***Trigger Warning*** I am trying to ride out a strong wa

***Trigger Warning***

I am trying to ride out a strong wave of self-harm desire. I want to cut so badly. I fell back into my old routine; or maybe I didn't. I'm at work early and have locked the door. I have what I need to self-harm and then take care of it. I am feeling numb and want to feel something, anything... Knowing that I will feel shame once I give in to these urges is not as important right now, and in all honesty is better than feeling nothing. It is 6:45am, which is really too late to do anything as my aide will be here by 6:55am. I will have to do with the rubber band around my wrist and scratching. If I scratch hard enough I can draw blood. Maybe by the end of the day, I will be in a better space and resist the urge to do something after dismissal. Thank you for letting me share. Have a good day...

Hi. Im not experienced with cutting but when younger I use to punch everything. Things that wouldnt bend or break, I broke and hurt my hands many times. Have you tried getting a punching bag and beating it with your fist and legs? Do it till it bleeds and hurts, they will get stronger and more resistant. It is definitely a form of self harm but socially acceptable as it is considered training. No body is going to try to have you committed or shame you. Or extreme exercise works well also. Lift weights until your arms feel rubbery or squats till your legs are mush. You will be in pain and sore for days. Can very much rid you of your urges and will be considered healthy.

1 Heart

@Harley525 - thanks for the suggestions! I’ve gone on walks when I can, but I am not exercise-inclined and do not getting sweaty (don’t really know, other than I’m am very uncomfortable with it). A punching bag isn’t a bad idea, especially for my husband and son. Take care.