****Trigger Warning**** I have never not harmed myself. I s

****Trigger Warning****
I have never not harmed myself. I started when I was about 3-4 years old, first suicide attempt at the age of 6. I got out of that hell at some point, but more traumatic experiences, severe ptsd caused by everything I've been through and no help whatsoever aren't really a reason to stop. It's not that I haven't tried, I've tried many times over the years. The shame of people finding out, having to cover or hide arms and legs, leaving blood stains everywhere, that didn't lead to me not doing it, I just found new ways to do it. Less visible spots, ways that hurt more but didn't leave as many traces. Long story short, I don't think I've ever gone a single day without self harm in my entire life. I downloaded an app to help with that not too long ago, it's supposed to be a motivation to stop. Shows you how long you've already gone without self harm. It did quite the opposite for me. I ended up doing it more often, resetting the time after minutes or an hour max. I tried to find anonymous group meetings online, this website is the best one I found so far. Self harm is a hard topic to open up about, friends who haven't done it wouldn't understand, and I'm scared of triggering friends who struggle with that themselves. Does anybody here have any tips or tricks to battle that urge? Has anybody gone through something similar and can share how it got better for them? How does one even stop a pattern and a habit they've had for their entire life? I guess I consider my situation to be quite hopeless. If somebody has something to say that can give me the least bit of hope, I would really appreciate it.

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Does anyone know that you do this, I would assume your scars are hard to hide. Have you considered therapy? So glad you are here!

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@CKBlossom I’ve been going to different therapists for years, never really worked out. Been in and out of hospitals. Yes, people know, but they ignore it. That being friends and professionals. Thanks for your kind answer by the way.

Hello and welcome! I've just sent you a Private Message with a couple of (maybe) useful resource links. It sounds like you are already fairly "up" on therapies so I rather doubt if the websites will tell you much you haven't already heard. Is your current situation still triggering or traumatizing for you? If so, what are the prospects for getting yourself into a better place (job, home, school, whatever)? Self harm is Very Hard to shake, but it CAN be done! We're happy to help in whatever way we can.

@buddhabob Yes, thank you for your message. The thing is, my situation is a bit, hm, special. The self harm has been overlooked a lot cause the severe PTSD that causes multiple panic attacks every day, anxiety, nightmares and all of that fun stuff has always been deemed more urgent. I’ve been in hospitals, been to different specialists and therapists, and many of them gave up cause they couldn’t deal with what I’ve been through. The most sessions I’ve ever had with a therapist was probably like, six or seven. Not even getting to the real bad stuff with any of them. I struggle so much with selfharm cause I feel like I have nobody to talk to. Many friends have ended the friendship cause they couldn’t bear to know that I’m suffering. Professionals and therapists couldn’t handle hearing basic facts. I feel alone, I have to cope with those demons in my head all by myself. And as I’ve mentioned, I have never not self harmed. I wouldn’t even know what that feels like. It’s become so much of a habit that I sometimes don’t even realise that I’ve been doing it for the past hour until I notice the blood on my hands. How can I stop something I have so little control over?

https://www.hopeforbpd.com/borderline-personality-disorder-treatment/reasons-not-to-cut&ved=2ahUKEwjJgLj105X0AhVTds0KHVbVA6UQFnoECAMQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1DfxdWFeSmjuQaj3FWv5fC

@Littleturtle1000 - That looks good! I was about to suggest meditation (of course…) like an MBCT course or something.

@Carcha - one way or another it sounds as though you are in need of Some way to get more control over your mind, and I don't think there is any kind of magic pill for that, sadly. However, the scientists are working on it - take a look at:
https://www.reconsolidationtherapy.com/en/homepage/
Meanwhile, the DBT or MBCT approaches *might* help. Wishing you all the luck you need.

@buddhabob oh wow. I had no idea they were working on that. As for control, I just did it for so long without noticing what I was doing. Took em a few years, but when I was much younger, my parents gaslight me into thinking I just had allergies, and that’s why I was bleeding all the time. Realised years later how ffed up that is, but because it’s been a habit for so long, it gave me some sort of comfort. For a while, I selfharmed to let out some pain to avoid doing something worse. Chose the lesser evil, if you will. I went to hospitals, went to therapists, but still, no help, whatsoever. I’ve had some very bad experiences with all sorts of professionals in the medical field. I came here because I think doctors struggle to help because they have no clue and have never been through that themselves. I’m not looking for a magic cure. Just looking for tips and tricks from people who’ve struggled with something similar.

Check in your area for women's groups too, maybe call a women's abuse center they might have some knowledge of resources for you since they deal with abuse all the time. Buddhabob has some good ideas and info. For something real quick and simple Google grounding techniques and short simple breathing techniques you can do those several times a day everyday while you are searching for professional help. So even when you're in the shower you can do breathing techniques, I'm not saying it's going fix anything but it will give you something to go too and help you with the stress and anxiety that comes from the trauma. Hugs

@Littleturtle1000 I’ve been searching for professional help for years, it’s been an incredibly difficult journey, and so far it’s done more harm then good. The self harm is something that gets constantly overlooked by therapists and doctors cause other topics are more urgent. Doesn’t make the selfharm okay though. And I’m trying to figure out if I have to just accept that as part of my life until I’m healed enough to just focus on getting help for this minor side effect of the trauma.