****Trigger Warning**** Idek where to begin. I just recent

****Trigger Warning****
Idek where to begin. I just recently got out of residential treatment and it didn't do jack crap for me. My mind is a mess, I can't think straight. I've been pretty messed up from when this guy pretended to like me. We spent a few hours together and I really thought it was going somewhere. Then excuse after excuse why he couldn't meet up with me again.
See that's how my life goes. People use me, then whenever they don't need me anymore they just leave without thinking about how it would affect me. Everyone just leaves... Doesn't help that I was bullied in school for my OCD. Everyone in my school hated me.
I hate myself so much that all I think about is killing myself. I want to reach my goal weight and when I do, I've decided to kill myself. I just want it to stop, it hasn't stopped. I'm so sad and hurt I just want it to end.

You are not hated by everyone! You are just struggling right now, are you in outpatient care now?

@CKBlossom I was in OP care, but it didn’t help, in fact it made it much worse. It was all online (video conference) so that didn’t help any either. My mom asked if I really wanted to go back to another residential treatment (ya know, in the threatening way) and I honestly am never going to treatment EVER again. Not even a therapist, he doesn’t even know what’s really going on with me.

@CKBlossom I’m not sure anymore.