*****trigger warning****
In the past two weeks I've relapsed twice, with a total of six burns. It was the first time in over a year since I had self harmed, and I'm kicking myself for it now after the fact. I'm angry with myself that my only concern with burning is that I'm going to run out of space to burn, because I should be concerned with burning myself at all. I know it's not a healthy coping mechanism but when things get bad like they have been, it feels like the only thing that will make me feel better. It works and I feel better, but I have been down the self harm road before, gotten to where I wasn't using it to cope anymore but I'd formed an addiction and I couldn't go a day without hurting myself. I'm afraid that I'm going to end up there again.
Was it because you were worried about leaving the house with your friend?
No, those were way before that. They were because of comments my grandmother made to me. I live with her and my mom and as much as I love my gran, she says things that are like glass shards working their way under my skin. I don't think she realizes how badly the things she says hurts me. If I tried to talk to her about it, she would say I'm just too sensitive and that I need to get over it. I'm about a week clean and I had a good day so I don't see another relapse happening today. I'm just trying to take it day by day and trying to be stronger than I was in those moments.